To think that life is for enjoying?

[feathersanddust]

I start this thread tentatively and am more than aware (as a social worker myself) of the different and difficult circumstances of peoples lives. I understand that people battle obstacles and live terrible experiences on a daily basis.

However, am I being unreasonable in saying that the secret to being happy in life is to do with mindset (not in extreme circumstances obviously). I was depressed/anxious for many years. In the past five years I have worked hard at changing my thought processes. I no longer care what people think of me, I no longer obsess over what I look like and this has led to less anxiety which was very much social.

I find myself excited and appreciating the small things in life. For instance, I am back at uni doing a course, and I don't enjoy public transport but makes more sense to get the train to uni than drive and instead of looking at this as a negative I've been enjoying it. Getting a coffee and doing some reading on the train, or enjoying the view. I have been studying and instead of just doing it because I have to I find joy in it, it's a privilege to be able to study.

I enjoy the little things in life like a hot shower, an amazing coffee, a nice walk, my bed, a television programme, getting lost in a book, spending time with my daughter and my dogs. I no longer walk along the street with my head down hurrying on by. I actually take my time and look about and I feel grateful, truly grateful.

Don't get me wrong I have bad days like everyone but even on my bad days I still have things I appreciate, even if it's just crawling into my bed at the end of the day. It still gives me contentment and comfort to think about.

I was on the train today and was looking out the window and I just had this fuzzy happy feeling in my stomach of pure contentment and joy and I thought to myself, 'what's changed from five years ago?' And I honestly think it's because I choose to be happy. I started seeing the everyday things that people take for granted as a privilege.

Even being able to walk down the street is a privilege many people would love to be able to do but can't.

So AIBU to think that happiness (in SOME cases) is a case of mindset?

Contact the NHS - they’ll save billions once they know all these pesky people can just ‘choose’ to be happy.

I’m glad (truly!) you’ve overcome your mental health issues but it’s not appropriate to just assume everyone else can

Or maybe someone’s slipping you crack?

If you were even moderately anxious or depressed (and diagnosed) you'd have more understanding and wouldn't have written the above. For some people it's not that easy.

The difficulty is how to achieve the magic mindset

I think different things work for different people.

Whatever happened in your life - you were in a position where you were able to make that 'choice' to be happy - whether that's because of your support network, your personality, your baseline mental health, being well informed, or whatever. You made that decision for a reason which was probably partly informed by your environmet.

Some people simply do not have the tools to do that and need much more external input and support, for a whole plethora of reasons.

I guess I'm saying - that's great for you - but the idea that you could implement something similar for everyone is flawed.

Depression/mental health aside, yes I believe you are correct. Mindset and resilience could support a lot of people to feel less anxious and stressed in their day to day lives, which is why its important to surround yourself with positive things, not always possible, but we all know that friend thats always Cup half empty for no reason.
Depression and mental illness generally is a different ball game entirely and that is not a thibk happy things fix.
Glad you found your contentment, although did have a chuckle at the comment that said check no one is slipping you crack 😂

Nope it's not mindset. We live in a system that is fucking us over. Our communities were eroded with high block tower flats and less money. The working class were set up to look down on the immigrants coming over. The middle class look down on both but actually we have more in common with an immigrant than any of the people running the country. We need much more positive social interactions and feelings of belonging than we currently get and we're all being worked to the bone. How can you be happy if you can't afford basics, your dc need fillings you can't afford and there is no money for socialising or treats.

Our collective MH crisis is down to the system we are under rather than brain chemical imbalances. Your mental if you're happy under it.

You really, truly, cannot just think yourself well. Mental health crises are not something you can power through, and I say that as someone who has been in the grip of truly disordered thinking and could not force myself out of it - I couldn't even see an "it" to get out of.

Mixed views. Yes, trying to challenge established patterns of negative thinking can be helpful. Yes, looking for solutions and ways forward can be helpful.
But still me people just live in circumstances they cannot escape. Some people just don’t have resources to make the changes they need.

you clearly have resources, a decently paid and secure job with good pension, you can effect change as seen through having the resources to study, you have live in your life ( children). You have so much OP! So yes, someone in your situation can choose to change where their focus is.

Many others just don’t have the resources to do this. The problem with the ‘just think your way out of it’ attitude is that it implies blame of those who can’t. It blames them, not their circumstances, for their unhappiness.

And of course, some have genuine mental issues that drugs and therapy did ‘t shift.

I understand I think.

I have to hit rock bottom to get eventually to this mindset and still take my medication.

Unfortunately it doesn't change the fact that I've shouted at my baby I wish you were never born and threatening to kill myself waving a knife around and in the process upsetting my husband and parents.

That should have said you have love in your life.

I do think you can choose to view things positively or negatively.

But what if you didn't have the daughter, didn't have the dogs, didn't have the job, didn't have the house and car, didn't have your health... It wouldn't be so easy to rise above those issues with a good attitude. In your case it seems you had some social anxiety about how other people saw you, and it is great that you are caring less about that now and feeling stronger. Just bear in mind that the circumstances of your life let you choose to be happy, and that is not true for everybody.

"The working class were set up to look down on the immigrants coming over."
How?

Don't forget that even if one's circumstances change for the better in life, and they are generally in a hood place day to day, trauma responses can be sudden and unexpected, and longterm stress reveals itself in the body through illness that can't always be healed from.

It's very simplistic to say you can think yourself happy/well.

I think the OP has made it very clear that she does not mean this would work for everyone, but yes, having a positive mindset can help a lot of people feel happier. I am certainly very aware of looking for the positives where I can and it helps me.

Well, if you have a baseline - good mental health, a reasonably secure lifestyle and no major issues - you can to some extent choose to be positive and cheerful, or a grumpy sod, but that's by no means universal.

So if you can choose to be happy, you have double the reason to be happy, compared to someone who can't make that choice?

It’s a nice idea and I know you have included some caveats but it’s too simplistic really. I already do those things you mention, am an optimist by nature & look for the good where I can. But mood is a funny thing & life is unpredictable. Honestly I think you’ll look back on this & cringe a bit.

I agree with you OP, and I currently practice mindfulness to get closer to achieving a more content state (I think so far it works).
It won’t make certain problems and hardships in my life go away, but changing my view and reaction to these problems helps me dealing with them.

Surely you'd have some empathy if you've been there? What did you want when you weren't feeling happiness, someone to tel you to get your shit together and grow up? Doubt it.

I think what the OP is demonstrating is that people who have no major problems in their life can choose to be happy or choose not to be. The trouble is, lots of people do have major problems in their life.

I also think that lowering our standards of what is to be considered a privilege isn't necessarily the right way to go. Should I really count myself lucky if I go out for a walk and come home not having been raped/set on fire/verbally abused? Am I really in a good position if after my payrise I'm only slightly worse off than I was this time last year?

The OP reminds me of Viktor Frankl talking about some inmates looking out for one another in German concentration camps during the early 1940s. Many of the Jews would help the German guards or condemn others to be killed if it meant they'd be spared themselves that day, but some of them actively gave the little food they had to other people, even in testing circumstances they felt glad they were in better shape than the person they gave their food away to.

If you lower your standards to the point that a positive can be found in any negative situation, you also lower the standard of what is the acceptable bare minimum. Rather than trying to make people accept being poor we should seek to raise standards of living.

Your right OP, its your mindset, not your circumstances and l have faced alot of adversity in life. The thing with MN is the misery loves company attitude so you get shot down with this perspective, its alot easier to be miserable and blame everything else than choosing to take full responsibility for yourself and change things, including your mindset but that takes time and effort.

When you're struggling to find money for bills and food, it's difficult to maintain "the right mindset."

It'd be nice to enjoy life again. Right now though I'd settle for surviving.

You’re right to an extent but it sounds like your anxiety was very different to mine. You were anxious about your appearance. So you’ve flown into an absolute, irrational panic over your appearance have you? Your appearance has caused so much panic that you can’t speak?

I am anxious about my health, the death of myself and everyone I love (a lot of whom have already gone), the imminent loss off all my income when my son finishes his A levels, moving in with my mother because of this (I’m not well enough to work because of the lasting effects of stress) but not knowing if my mum will be alive by the time DS has completed his exams, my eldest son who never leaves his room and eats one meal a day and has no friends.

Despite all that I do feel contented some of the time so I know that some of it is down to outlook but it’s very difficult to keep that going. And I don’t even have a bed so that really grates. But in a way you’re right because now I feel far far worse than I did before I wrote this.

How can one enjoy life when they are choosing between eating and heating? Are you for real?

What a really uppity thing to come out with.

I completely agree OP. I used to be a pessimist and managed to turn my thinking completely around. I'm now an irritating optimist that manages to find a silver lining in most clouds.

My catalyst for change was being diagnosed with a really fucking awful disease. I'll be dead in 15 years and I'm only early 40s but in the meantime I'm going to suck every bit of happiness out of life while I can.