To think that life is for enjoying?

[feathersanddust]

I start this thread tentatively and am more than aware (as a social worker myself) of the different and difficult circumstances of peoples lives. I understand that people battle obstacles and live terrible experiences on a daily basis.

However, am I being unreasonable in saying that the secret to being happy in life is to do with mindset (not in extreme circumstances obviously). I was depressed/anxious for many years. In the past five years I have worked hard at changing my thought processes. I no longer care what people think of me, I no longer obsess over what I look like and this has led to less anxiety which was very much social.

I find myself excited and appreciating the small things in life. For instance, I am back at uni doing a course, and I don't enjoy public transport but makes more sense to get the train to uni than drive and instead of looking at this as a negative I've been enjoying it. Getting a coffee and doing some reading on the train, or enjoying the view. I have been studying and instead of just doing it because I have to I find joy in it, it's a privilege to be able to study.

I enjoy the little things in life like a hot shower, an amazing coffee, a nice walk, my bed, a television programme, getting lost in a book, spending time with my daughter and my dogs. I no longer walk along the street with my head down hurrying on by. I actually take my time and look about and I feel grateful, truly grateful.

Don't get me wrong I have bad days like everyone but even on my bad days I still have things I appreciate, even if it's just crawling into my bed at the end of the day. It still gives me contentment and comfort to think about.

I was on the train today and was looking out the window and I just had this fuzzy happy feeling in my stomach of pure contentment and joy and I thought to myself, 'what's changed from five years ago?' And I honestly think it's because I choose to be happy. I started seeing the everyday things that people take for granted as a privilege.

Even being able to walk down the street is a privilege many people would love to be able to do but can't.

So AIBU to think that happiness (in SOME cases) is a case of mindset?

YANBU I have had a very difficult life compared to some but I am always so thankful for how lucky I am, as I know many people are much worse off.

I could sit and mope but that is not going to do any good.

E.g. When we were homeless I was thankful that I live in a country which wouldn’t see a mother and child living on the streets like so many other countries.
When I lost my job I was thankful that I was able to go to a food bank and claim benefits until I got back on my feet.

I actually find it’s people with more privileged lives who seem to moan the most.

I’ve seen numerous threads recently about how people are worried about not having the heating on during winter, which is a real worry but it’s something that the majority worried about every single year, they just don’t moan about it and make do.

I have suffered with very bad MH over the years and it’s my mindset that determines whether I go into depression or just get on with life and make the best out of it.

I have not needed any medication for my MH for 10+ years as I do not allow myself to feel down for very long.

I’ll have a cry and moan but then it’s done and I think about all of the positives instead.

Once you are deep in the depression then it’s very difficult to get back out and no amount of positive thinking will outdo medication.

But it’s like if you are around someone negative or in a bad relationship - it brings you down and has a massive impact on your MH.
Whereas staying away from those people will drastically improve your MH because it’s all about having positive experiences and being positive which tells our brains to be happy.

I love your positivity.
It's a fine thing to find happiness and I'm glad you have.

I would love to be like this. I feel stressed 24/7 and actually I have become an awful person. I am kind, loyal and caring and will back my friends to the bitter end. But I feel people's perception of me is the irritated & grumpy person I've become. I'm trying some mindfulness now & hoping that I too can be a bit cheerier. This thread gives me hope! I want to be content.

You sound like me OP! I suffered very severe and prolonged depression in my youth but since then I just feel so happy and content with the smallest things. Sitting down with a cup of tea, buying a nice body lotion, watching a drama on TV, having a walk. I feel sooo happy because of these simple pleasures. I feel incredibly lucky to be so easily content.

My Mum was diagnosed with a chronic disease in her early 40’s. Prior to that, she’d had an active life, a very successful career, lived in several countries, etc.

Within a few years, her world had shrunk massively, she was enduring pain, limited mobility, could no longer work full-time or do most activities she’d previously enjoyed.

But she was such a positive person. Instead of regretting her situation,
she’d say that she was glad she’d got on with travelling and having adventures earlier in life and focused on what she could still do. She cried with pain at times, but she worked as much as she could given her health and took up new hobbies to keep herself mentally alert, like learning a new language. When she did have a good day, she was like a dynamo!

So I agree that having a positive mindset can make a huge difference, when facing pain and great obstacles. I’m diagnosed with GAD and medication has really helped me be more positive about life.
I don’t think I’ll ever be quite as upbeat as my Mum, but I’m trying!

I agree to a large extent. Barring actual tragedies or serious trauma in life it definitely pays to be positive and take pleasure in small things.

I agree OP, my wee granny had a tougher life than most, impoverished in the 30s when there was no welfare state, wicked stepmother, the lot. She was poor all her days, living in a high rise in a rough bit of Glasgow. And a sweeter, kinder, more smiley wee lady you could not have met. What would have made many bitter, made her sweet.

I try to remember my wee granny and be happy with what I have. And I have suffered - really suffered (death of a child in traumatic circumstances suffered). I have survived without a drug dependency by making myself find something positive, making myself be kind, making myself consider others. Fake it until you make it.

The responses on this thread are illustrative - some have jumped in to castigate the OP and put her down. That is not the route to happiness. You can disagree without being bitter or resentful - for your own sake. You can work your mind like a muscle, push the nasty thought away and be glad for the OP. Do it time and time again. Yes it is hard work. Yes it takes time. No it is not easy - but you do have a choice.

I am so very sorry for your loss. In those circumstances I could not carry on, never mind be so positive about life. You are a very strong person and once again, I'm very sorry for your heartbreaking loss

OP - you would be amazed what you can do. We had another child, so I had no choice but to stay alive. I couldn’t carry on but I did. That is a parent’s love.

YANBU

People are incredibly selfish, greedy, entitled.

I think people seem to just compare and constantly want MORE.

It’s never enough. They aren’t thankful or grateful for the small things, tap water, the NHS, not living in a war zone. This thread reflects that. We are want, want, want.

If you had to get up every day and walk 5 miles, aged 6 to fetch fresh water at 4am, you’d change your mind set pretty damn fast.

I think it's the other way round.

When you aren't stressed, depressed or otherwise under threat, it because possible to take pleasure in the small delights of life.

Your mindset changes when your life is less shitty.

YANBU OP

CBT and EMDR, as two exempts of modern psychology, change perspective, not circumstance. You've got it right OP.

I don't think this is correct.

CBT makes links between thoughts and behaviour, and EMDR is about memory processing.

As a social worker, how do you view service users who - in your words - 'choose' not to be happy?

Social work values and ethics demand you look at people's ecological positioning: the multiple contexts in which they live; their pasts, presents and possible futures. Moreover, it encourages a holistic appreciation of a person's circumstances to fully understand why they are unhappy or why their lives might not be as fortunate as yours.

The problem with a reductive approach such as 'we can all be happy if we choose' neglects critical engagement with why people have ended up where they are. It disregards the part successive neoliberalist governments have played in this and you should have been taught that as part of your social work education.

OP, while I agree with you this thread was never going to end well. Apparently we can’t be happy anymore because if we are we’re being happy at everyone else. See also enjoying success or achieving goals.

This is also a self perpetuating condition because all we are then exposed to is negative.

I have had DBT, a specific form of CBT, and finding positives in everyday life is an important part of making a life worth living. It is about being mindful and present and learning to focus your mind on things aside from your trauma. So I have some sympathy for the OP's perspective. Of course if someone is in the throes of crisis, they might find it hard to take pleasure in a cup of coffee/beautiful flowers. However, in DBT we learn that by trying to incorporate awareness of pleasurable activities, we can boost our resilience and emotional battery. Brains are malleable and capable of change, and we can help ourselves by training our brains to find comfort and peace where we can. That is not to say we then ignore difficult situations. But if we can make life more tolerable by taking pleasure in simple things like beauty, scent, music, then we can take some comfort in that.

I understand what OP is saying. I believe mindset is key. I've dealt with any very minor issues I've had. Once a massive problem which has affected us all ever since. But still we have to carry on, don't we? Enjoy the now, or else what's the point?

I totally agree OP.
Some wise person said "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change "
Since trying to do this - and it takes a lot of training the mind- my mental health has improved hugely.