To think that life is for enjoying?

[feathersanddust]

I start this thread tentatively and am more than aware (as a social worker myself) of the different and difficult circumstances of peoples lives. I understand that people battle obstacles and live terrible experiences on a daily basis.

However, am I being unreasonable in saying that the secret to being happy in life is to do with mindset (not in extreme circumstances obviously). I was depressed/anxious for many years. In the past five years I have worked hard at changing my thought processes. I no longer care what people think of me, I no longer obsess over what I look like and this has led to less anxiety which was very much social.

I find myself excited and appreciating the small things in life. For instance, I am back at uni doing a course, and I don't enjoy public transport but makes more sense to get the train to uni than drive and instead of looking at this as a negative I've been enjoying it. Getting a coffee and doing some reading on the train, or enjoying the view. I have been studying and instead of just doing it because I have to I find joy in it, it's a privilege to be able to study.

I enjoy the little things in life like a hot shower, an amazing coffee, a nice walk, my bed, a television programme, getting lost in a book, spending time with my daughter and my dogs. I no longer walk along the street with my head down hurrying on by. I actually take my time and look about and I feel grateful, truly grateful.

Don't get me wrong I have bad days like everyone but even on my bad days I still have things I appreciate, even if it's just crawling into my bed at the end of the day. It still gives me contentment and comfort to think about.

I was on the train today and was looking out the window and I just had this fuzzy happy feeling in my stomach of pure contentment and joy and I thought to myself, 'what's changed from five years ago?' And I honestly think it's because I choose to be happy. I started seeing the everyday things that people take for granted as a privilege.

Even being able to walk down the street is a privilege many people would love to be able to do but can't.

So AIBU to think that happiness (in SOME cases) is a case of mindset?

Sorry for all the autofill words on my post - typed it quickly on my phone and never checked it!

The use of the word and then SOME is to reiterate what OP was saying.

TBH there can’t possibly be a YABU
to this (which the first few posters jumped straight in with, directly or otherwise) because the OPs sentiments are objectively true.

It’s just useful seeing all the reasons people can be negative, and why certain things are perceived as being out of their control and the fault of others.

People can objectively makes their own lives better in most circumstances; amazing how many would argue against this, or come in with a ‘but, but…’

I agree that much happiness can be found focusing on the moment and extracting and savouring whatever pleasure you can from it. I learned this in lockdown where there was so little of what I considered fun and enjoyable available to me, if I hadn't done the best I could with what I had, as it were, it would have felt intolerable.
Isn't that what the concept of mindfulness is built around? Obviously as you say its not applicable in extreme awful circumstances, but a lot of the day to day mundane stuff probably can be made more pleasurable by looking at the stars not the gutter.

I suffered with depression for many years. It was anti depressants that stabilised me and started letting me see the joy in things.

Honestly, a lack of money is bloody depressing. One of the main things that made me happier was getting a decently paid job. I’m far from rich but I can afford what I need with some left over. I have the time and headspace to appreciate the little things because I’m not consumed with worry.

I know people who are really struggling right now. There is no “making the best of it” they genuinely don’t know if they can afford to be warm this winter! They’re already eating the cheapest food, never buying anything new or really going anywhere. It’s a miserable existence. I don’t blame them for being depressed. I don’t see how a “positive attitude” would really make much difference.

Yeah I agree with you OP.

Of course it doesn't solve everything but it can make lots of small differences which add up to big change.

My GP friend says she wishes she could prescribe walks and being busy. Dwelling on negative feelings causes them to mushroom.

I know going out, seeing something beautiful and getting the sense of perspective of what these trees, buildings etc have seen over the centuries helps me feel more grounded.

There will be lots of people along to tell you of course you don't understand but for my money, you have it right.

Relying on the next holiday, next purchase, next anything to make you happy instead of a sunrise, view, smile means you miss too much of life

Any actual difficulties in your life right now apart from disliking public transport? 🙄

TBH I find your posts a perfect example of what the OP is arguing. You are absolutely determined to find the negativity and pessimism in posts that other people are seeing as reasonable, considered and interesting.

You are free to frame those posts in such a negative light, but that is your chosen interpretation through your chosen mindset. Other people on this thread, as they have explained to you, and you chose to dismiss, simply aren't seeing the posts like that.

Money worries like the rest of us.

I agree because I currently suffer very poor mental health and resulting physical health problems. And I put it down to my mindset changing gradually over time (so slowly that I didn’t notice it) towards a more negative outlook based mostly in fear. It’s going to be hard work to undo but I can see it so clearly in myself it’s astonishing

I agree with you OP.

@Quincythequince you told me to piss off and then told me I’m boring for very little apparent reason. It did make me giggle as that’s hardly a positive agreeable mindset kind of person. But honestly I hope you’re ok.

You couldn’t make this up!
🤦🏼‍♀️

I am looking at people saying ‘are you in drugs’ ‘go help the NHS then’ ‘any issues othe than bus travel’ bybway of response, yet I am somehow negative for pointing this out?

Ok then…

Well that's exactly the response I would expect of someone with a negative mindset. You scan for the most negative comments and that's what you set your focus on.

Or else, someone who is resolute in refusing to admit perhaps they over-reacted, failed to take a more balanced look at what was in front of them, and insulted people. Again, not exactly a positive mindset approach.

And actually, the any issues other than bus travel had a reasonable point. OP was using as her example the fact that she didn't like public transport but was seeing the positive in it. Its a fairly trivial issue to have, as that poster was pointing out. From OPs posts, many of her problems were ones that existed mostly in her mind, rather in material external reality. And therefore are most likely to be successfully addressed by changing your thinking.

People are trying this thread, as I said, to tease out who the 'some' who may be able to use mindset to successfully address this problem.

No one is assuming anything. Just suggesting that it works for the OP. I totally believe in a positive mindset but that doesn't mean I am assuming it will work for everyone.

I agree. But then I don't know anyone who has actually has depression. Actually one does, but her AD's function ok. Everyone I know has a good mindset and just gets ok with things. in my close circle of friends. I guess I know about 100 people. They all just get on with it. With whatever life throws at them. I go on holiday with Ds1's football team mums, 15 of them. And ds2's football team mums I see every week, 15. And friends, old friends, colleagues. We chat about our mental health. Problems. 3 of my friends have cancer. I've supported 3 friends through nasty divorces. They struggled at the time, but it wasn't depression. I just haven't come across depression. My mum had because she counsels a lot, but none of my circle do. And we do talk about it.

You weren’t medically depressed or anxious. You were sad and worried. There’s a big fucking difference.

No, I didn’t scan for the most negative, I simply read the first three or four and posted directly in respond to that.

😆I can assure you my mindset is absolutely fine. What is (or perhaps isn’t surprising) is the instant reaction with exaggerated 🙄responses as if the OPs suggestion is simply unreasonable.

Totally agree .
I enjoyed OP's sentiment but then of course come along the joy thieves and ruin the thread. Am getting really sick of what should be enjoyable threads to read being taken over by those with a race to the bottom . You see it all the time .

Your friend should be fucking fired for that attitude. As a single mother of three, who works full time and studies in the evenings, I couldn’t be more fucking busy if I tried, and the walks I get are when I’m dashing to daycare/the bus stops because I catch two to work, and I have to run from one to the other both ends or I’m late.

Thank fuck my GP isn’t a dipshit and swiftly referred me to Psych, who I’ve been under for 5 years.

I got that buzz from knowing I was studying and so changing and learning. I was constantly "excited" about the future and I still am.

it's a great feeling!

This!

The Eudaemonic versus Hedonic approach.

I just can't do it. I'm constantly comparing myself to others and coming up short. I've had years of therapy and meds, nothing helps. I just hate myself.

It's the calm before the storm. Enjoy the good bit. Life finds a way to bring you back down again. Hopefully this good period will strengthen you for the next bad bit.

Op, it is great to be in the position you are in and I agree that if you have health (physical and mental) and can afford to live then to be able to embrace it and enjoy the small things (rather than be upset that you can't afford the Porsche, fancy holiday etc) is a good way to do life.