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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's a shame we can't pay our respects

518 replies

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:15

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

OP posts:
LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 14/09/2022 12:23

I wondered if they would drive the hearse back through England and Wales and stop at cathedrals or other places so that people in different areas could watch the hearse pass or visit the coffin during its overnight stays.

Flying seemed to fast to be respectful.

(It could have been a sort of 'royal progress'. There was plenty of time to arrange it. This wasn't an unexpected death.)

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:24

@nachoavocado - is that the reason they didn't? What would stop people stepping onto roads/motorways to catch a view of the hearse?

OP posts:
Octomore · 14/09/2022 12:24

ClaudineClare · 14/09/2022 11:18

So only people who go for the right reasons should be allowed to queue for hours in the rain for a 30 second glimpse of the coffin? What are the wrong reasons? Nobody is going to do this for a laugh.

Ah, but the OP's need to performatively grieve obviously trumps the performative grieving needs of people who happen to live further away. Surely that's obvious?

OP - If you really wanted to, you would go. It's fine not to go (I'm certainly not going), but turning it into some martyrish self-pity-fest about how hard it is for you makes it very obvious how performative the whole thing is....

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:24

kittensinthekitchen · 14/09/2022 12:19

You're right, viewing the Queen in London, should be left for Londoners, preferably Londoners with children. Poor suppressed group they are.

Don't put words into my mouth. My post is clearly batshit enough as it is!

OP posts:
Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:27

@Mummydoingmybest - why shouldn't children be involved? I'm honest about death. They understand the reality of it. They spent most of last term learning about the Queen to mark the jubilee celebrations and so they're obviously now interested in the fact she has died and there is a new King, etc. Death is a fact, feeling surprised, feeling grief, etc isn't something I feel the need to shield them from

OP posts:
Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:28

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 14/09/2022 12:23

So you think you should be at the front of the queue because A) you’re not foreign, and B) you have children.

If all the other UK-based people with children thought the same, you’d still be in a hell of a queue so then what are your criteria for being at the front?

Said nothing about being at the front of the queue. This is about the organisation more than anything which means many who might have wanted to go are excluded.

OP posts:
User47484739478474 · 14/09/2022 12:28

I seen a video where a lady had queued and walked past the queen five times in Scotland! god knows how long she had queued for each time but I feel it was slightly selfish... if more people done this the queue would have never gone down!

Mydpisgrumpierthanyours · 14/09/2022 12:29

I had to queue for about 5 minutes to sign the book of condolences. Would that be a better queue time for you op? So many places are doing them your bound to find one near you.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:29

@Octomore - eh? I think you're projecting onto my post and reading sentiments that aren't there. It sounds as though you're far more affected than me.

OP posts:
KassandraOfSparta · 14/09/2022 12:30

You could have come to Edinburgh on Sunday. Or Monday. Or lined the route into London yesterday. Like thousands and thousands of others. Or gone to St James Park to leave flowers. Or signed a book of condolence in your local Town Hall.

whynotwhatknot · 14/09/2022 12:30

Theyre expecting it to be 5 miles long so really dont bother theres no way to make it more accessible just cant be done

once you get to a certain point in the queue you get an allocated time and a wristband so you can leave and come back but up to that point everyone has to queue

i saw an old man in the news last night already queuing he said he had to do it for her as she had served him-was quite moving but i hope hes ok

eldora · 14/09/2022 12:31

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:48

No, not at all. But I do think it's sad that we're in a time where it's become such a grotesque spectacle to the extent people were scrambling for plane tickets or extending their holidays the moment her death was announced. Some will have done it because they felt the need, but I guess I'm annoyed at the ones who've done it for the entertainment value

Show quote history

Ah, yes, those pesky foreigners coming over here, seeing our dead Queen, taking our place in the queue, doing it all for entertainment view Hmm

This 'spectacle' (I agree on that at least) is getting nauseating, people feel such an insane entitlement to the Queen'

I for one will be glad when it's all over. RIP.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:32

whynotwhatknot · 14/09/2022 12:30

Theyre expecting it to be 5 miles long so really dont bother theres no way to make it more accessible just cant be done

once you get to a certain point in the queue you get an allocated time and a wristband so you can leave and come back but up to that point everyone has to queue

i saw an old man in the news last night already queuing he said he had to do it for her as she had served him-was quite moving but i hope hes ok

Oh that's so sad. I didn't know about the wristbands / timed slots. Hopefully that makes it more comfortable for anyone who gets that far

OP posts:
bbcdefg · 14/09/2022 12:33

I'm not even a foreigner and I'd have to get a flight. So by that reckoning I couldn't go. Even though I live in the UK.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:33

@eldora - how do you know they were foreigners?

OP posts:
Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:33

bbcdefg · 14/09/2022 12:33

I'm not even a foreigner and I'd have to get a flight. So by that reckoning I couldn't go. Even though I live in the UK.

Speak to @eldora about that, not me. I've said nothing about "foreigners"

OP posts:
eldora · 14/09/2022 12:35

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:33

@eldora - how do you know they were foreigners?

I don't know them at all, but that is your not-so-subtle implication. So possessive.

bbcdefg · 14/09/2022 12:35

at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity.

I'd have to fly. But I live in the uk. So even though I'm a British citizen and I live in the uk, I'm denying proper brits their chance to see the Queen. Ok. Got it.

Octomore · 14/09/2022 12:35

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:29

@Octomore - eh? I think you're projecting onto my post and reading sentiments that aren't there. It sounds as though you're far more affected than me.

You're the one who is quite literally making a performance (this thread) out of the fact that you're not willing to stand in the rain to see the coffin, but you resent that other people are.

I mean, what did you actually expect them to do? Take the body on a lengthy tour of every town and village in the UK? Check that people have UK passports before letting them see the coffin?

It's batshit. The sooner this whole charade is over the better.

Funkyblues101 · 14/09/2022 12:35

The people who are queueing want to pay their respects more than you do. Simple as that.
Saying, "oh but I have children," just means you don't want to pay your respects enough to put up with a few barriers. If it was a matter of life or death, you'd do it. You just don't want to do it enough.

Fladdermus · 14/09/2022 12:36

This thread is bonkers. The whole thing is bonkers. Queuing for 30 hours to see a flat over a box containing the body of an elderly woman you've never met is beyond bonkers. Wanting to take you kids along to see said box as a day out is bonkers. Take them to the alpacka farm like normal parents do.

At this rate we'll soon have had her embalmed and on permanent display as a tourist attraction like Lenin. Then we can all traumatise our kids by taking them along to experience it.

Pedallleur · 14/09/2022 12:37

@bbcdefg

I'm not interested in going. You can have my place in the queue!

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:37

@eldora - you're showing yourself off a bit there. The implication was people with time and money to travel, book flights at the drop of a hat, etc. Oh dear

OP posts:
nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 12:38

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:28

Said nothing about being at the front of the queue. This is about the organisation more than anything which means many who might have wanted to go are excluded.

Show quote history

They would have thought this through and decided this was the best way to do it.

Cervinia · 14/09/2022 12:38

I have not read anything so ridiculous in ages. IMO children should be bottom of the queue, I mean how much do they really know about the Queen and how much interest have they shown i the monarchy in their few short years?

Sure, it would be nice for Edna who saw the Queens coronation in 1953 and has every jubilee mug to visit, but it is what it is. You pays your money and you take your choice.