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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's a shame we can't pay our respects

518 replies

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:15

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

OP posts:
Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:10

June6 · 14/09/2022 11:23

I think I know what you are saying OP, you want to pay your respects in person and although you would be willing to undergo a certain amount of discomfort to do so, the current situation does not allow for that - the discomfort will be intolerable. Added to that a lot of people who are visiting are not doing it for the same reasons as you, that some of them are there for the spectacle rather than the sentiment?

I mean I do agree with you and can see the frustration, I just also think the horrendous and lengthy waits will discourage all but the most enthusiastic. If it was to be ticketed I could imagine a person queuing up for a ticket and then selling them onwards for a massive profit. The spectacle would be even worse than it is now. Can you imagine "Tickets to see the Queen 6pm to 9pm" for sale on ebay for massive amounts? I can. If names were checked that would add horrendously to the workload of the security.

I pay my respects in private. It is a lot simpler and more straightforward. I find I like people less and less as I get older, and this situation is actually quite uncomfortable to watch. Best left to the hardy and the enthusiasts.

Thanks @June6 - you've expressed it very well. I don't feel I have any more right than anyone else. It's why I was posting - I was quite surprised to feel the way I did this morning watching the news and fully accept I am probably being unreasonable

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 14/09/2022 12:12

Why not take the money you would have spent, and donate it to one of the queen’s charities? That’s a much more useful way to pay your respects.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:12

Coughee · 14/09/2022 11:24

Theres a sort of irony in expecting fairness and equality and taking into account different people's circumstances when it comes to anything to do with the monarchy. Their whole set up is about some people being born more special than everyone else and being able to access all kinds of privilege due to an accident of birth. If you're buying into that then I'm not sure how you can also buy into the idea that people with specific difficult circumstances should have the playing field levelled for them...

I'm not a royalist in any sense. But I do think the Queen embodied more than just the monarchy. She represented lots of characteristics and sentiments that will die with her. I think lots of people can appreciate this without being cap-doffing royalists

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 14/09/2022 12:13

geonosis · 14/09/2022 11:55

I have a friend works at Heathrow and they are annoyed at the amount of people flying in to go gawp at the Queens coffin - crazies with too much money!

How do they know why people are arriving. I would think the UK would be delighted lots of people flying in to spend money in restaurants, taxis, hotels etc.

Honestly, people will complain about anything.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:13

over50andfab · 14/09/2022 11:28

There’s a wrist band system. Nothing to stop you all going there, joining the queue, getting your wristbands then taking it in turns to take the D.C. off to do other things. However I suspect the one queuing will still not want to along with everyone else, although apparently there is a really good atmosphere there which is surely part of the occasion. Everyone has a right to do this regardless of the reason.
Next excuse?

I didn't know this. It certainly wasn't being communicated when we decided not to go

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 14/09/2022 12:14

FiveShelties · 14/09/2022 12:13

How do they know why people are arriving. I would think the UK would be delighted lots of people flying in to spend money in restaurants, taxis, hotels etc.

Honestly, people will complain about anything.

Show quote history

This

And what a thing to complain about working at Heathrow - people flying in

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:14

BlackberrySky · 14/09/2022 11:30

How far from London are you OP? We live in London but don't want to queue so instead took a walk through Green Park to see all the tributes. I appreciate that's not worth the trip if you're a long way away though. I think it's really personal choice. Some people are OK with hours of queuing but if not, choose another way to pay tribute.

Yes we're close so we might do this after the crowds have moved on. Thanks @BlackberrySky

OP posts:
Rhythmisadancer · 14/09/2022 12:15

This is one of the most bonkers things I've seen . Surely the fact that they're expecting long queues demonstrates that the one thing the whole circus is, is accessible. A shit ton of people are going to get there. So your complaint is that is that it's too accessible, but also not accessible enough. For you.
Like my husband when stuck in traffic always mutters "where do they all these buggers think they're going, why don't they stay home??!" - but at least he knows it's funny.
There's a lesson here for your kids about the lunacy of the monarchy and the great British public, but I'm not sure it's the one you think it is.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:15

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 14/09/2022 11:32

I agree and I think it is a real shame that the Queen wasn't transported from Scotland to London by train down the length of the country, which would have given millions of people the chance to stand along the railway to pay their respects to her passing coffin, rather than everyone having to come to London or miss out entirely (except for those in Scotland who were able to pay respects initially).

Yes, agree with this too. I wonder why they didn't use the train

OP posts:
Octomore · 14/09/2022 12:15

Skinnermarink · 14/09/2022 10:20

But you could come? You pretty much state the only barrier is a bit of rain. If others are prepared to queue hours in the rain to see the coffin, and put appropriate clothing on to do so, then fair play to them surely? Since you do have the option to do the same?

The people flying over are facing far bigger (geographical) barriers than you. If you care enough about it to cope with a bit of rain, then go. If you don't care enough about it, then don't go. But don't decide not to go while loudly proclaiming that you really, really care about it more than the people queueing do.

You are making a public performance out of your supposed upset that other people are more willing to go out of their way to performatively grieve than you!

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 12:15

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:15

Yes, agree with this too. I wonder why they didn't use the train

Show quote history

Because it wouldn't have been safe. Some people are idiots and stand on the rails for photos etc

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 12:16

MarshaBradyo · 14/09/2022 12:14

This

And what a thing to complain about working at Heathrow - people flying in

Show quote history

Yeah, after the last few years you'd have thought they'd have been pleased to see it busy again

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:17

Discovereads · 14/09/2022 11:34

I understand your disappointment, as I can’t queue for many hours not after a long train journey to London. I can’t afford a hotel either- even before the price gouging profiteering kicked in with the London hotels. I had half hoped they’d do a timed ticket thing for those of us with additional needs as Id like to make the journey down to see the Queen lying in state as well.

However, I have fully charged my mobility scooter and will this afternoon (when the rain is supposed to ease off) be riding it to my local library which I found out online last night has a physical condolence book that I can write a message in. So I will do that and round the corner is a CofE church…I have a candle and matches just in case they don’t and will light a candle, have a moment of reflection and then turn my mobility scooter homewards.

Glad you've found a way to pay your respects, @Discovereads

OP posts:
Freedomfighters · 14/09/2022 12:18

Dogtooth · 14/09/2022 11:18

Of all the things you could do with kids in London, queuing for hours to look at a coffin is not the most enriching.

Why not stage your own lying in state at home? Get a box, put a tablecloth over it and make your kids wait outside an hour or two before looking at it.

ViZ top tips. I am actually genuinely crying with laughter. Nice one. 😂

kittensinthekitchen · 14/09/2022 12:19

You're right, viewing the Queen in London, should be left for Londoners, preferably Londoners with children. Poor suppressed group they are.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:19

CheshireCat1 · 14/09/2022 12:00

You can ask your children to write a letter to King Charles offering their condolences, perhaps with a drawing etc. They would receive a reply, which you could frame with a nice print of our late Queen for them to keep.
I’ve never took my children to family funerals as I feel their memories of the person when they was alive is a better memory to have.

Thanks @CheshireCat1 - another nice suggestion

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 14/09/2022 12:20

It's not about me - it's more about children

On the one hand I get it. I live in Scotland and took my children to watch the cortege go past on the motorway. I thought about going into Edinburgh but didn't fancy the queues there.

But let's remember this is viewing a real woman's coffin. Its a sombre, for many a, religious and spiritual occasion. Many are genuinely mourning. Its not really event for children.

Not everyone is going to get to personally participate in this. There are millions who live in this country who can't afford time off work, travel and accommodation in London. Never mind the queues.

Should they be resentful of Londoners or people who live on the East cost of Scotland? Should the coffin on go on a tour to make sure everyone gets a shot?

If you need to do something - do your own vigil, donate some money to a charity the Queen was a patron of or volunteer your time.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:20

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 14/09/2022 12:05

So can Northerners also be upset that it's happening in London and therefore not as accessible to us? Not only would we have to queue for 30 hours in the rain, with our IBS, with out kids, we'd also have to take extra time off work AND spend money to get trains/buses/drive down.
It's almost like they are only thinking of the Queen and what she wants rather than what I personally want.

Fill your boots. Are you upset as a northerner!?

OP posts:
pollykitty · 14/09/2022 12:21

lizziesiddal79 · 14/09/2022 10:33

⬆️ This.

Show quote history

My thoughts exactly.

On the other hand, I feel like what they have done is fair. Otherwise only the privileged would get to pay their respects. Everyone has to stand in line. She can't lie in state for ages, so this is the best way.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:21

SleeplessInEngland · 14/09/2022 12:09

BBC are live-streaming the coffin (what an age we live in), so no need to leave the house at all now.

Wow - I didn't know this.

OP posts:
Mummydoingmybest · 14/09/2022 12:22

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:15

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

It’s no place for a child to be.. it’s not exactly a happy thing to do is it… have a nice day together instead doing things kids should be doing! Got I hate MN right now!!

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:22

ShandaLear · 14/09/2022 12:12

Why not take the money you would have spent, and donate it to one of the queen’s charities? That’s a much more useful way to pay your respects.

Thanks for the lovely suggestion @ShandaLear

OP posts:
londonmummy1966 · 14/09/2022 12:22

Your local authority and probably a local church will have books of condolence so you could take your children to sign one of those? It will no doubt be remembered equally well.

Original poster
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 12:22

Rhythmisadancer · 14/09/2022 12:15

This is one of the most bonkers things I've seen . Surely the fact that they're expecting long queues demonstrates that the one thing the whole circus is, is accessible. A shit ton of people are going to get there. So your complaint is that is that it's too accessible, but also not accessible enough. For you.
Like my husband when stuck in traffic always mutters "where do they all these buggers think they're going, why don't they stay home??!" - but at least he knows it's funny.
There's a lesson here for your kids about the lunacy of the monarchy and the great British public, but I'm not sure it's the one you think it is.

Lots of people doesn't = accessible 🤔

OP posts:
FlatWhiteExtraHot · 14/09/2022 12:23

So you think you should be at the front of the queue because A) you’re not foreign, and B) you have children.

If all the other UK-based people with children thought the same, you’d still be in a hell of a queue so then what are your criteria for being at the front?

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