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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's a shame we can't pay our respects

518 replies

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:15

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

OP posts:
nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 10:58

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:49

Not my family - it's more about anyone who's put off going because they're elderly, etc as well as those with children. Maybe it's a missed opportunity to make a more accessible event

But this isn't like any other event. This is viewing a coffin. It's not entertainment. They've done what they can with the circumstances they have.

Topseyt123 · 14/09/2022 10:59

Why not just take them to Green Park/Buckingham Palace to view the floral tributes and lay their own? With plastic wrapping, teddy bears and marmalade sandwiches removed, of course.

Surely doing something like that and then maybe going for a meal afterwards would be far more suitable for children than the ridiculous queues to file past the coffin?

I liked the Queen and I also like the new King and Queen (Consort). I wouldn't queue for hours to walk past anyone's coffin though. Other people do want to though and are entitled to. They are also entitled to fly in from around the world to do so if they wish. They aren't depriving anyone of anything. The Queen was the figure head of 14 other nations, not just the UK. She was also popular around a lot of other parts of the world too, and British people often live abroad as expats. All are allowed and entitled to come to the lying in state if they wish.

This is what lying in state is for. To allow everyone wherever they may be from an opportunity to come and pay their respects. You can't possibly accommodate everyone and there really is no point in getting het up over it.

SoupDragon · 14/09/2022 10:59

beachcitygirl · 14/09/2022 10:55

Oh get a grip. Old lady dies. Sad for her family. Thats it.
This whole bowing & scraping faux grief is ludicrous

What is just as ludicrous is the competitive "look how much I don't care" behaviour.

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 10:59

mum2bee2022 · 14/09/2022 10:54

How does that work? Who is monitoring who is leaving queue for the toilet and who is queue jumping?

Yes I'm wondering that too. What if everyone leaves the queue?

Shreddersink · 14/09/2022 11:01

So fucking weird. Can't imagine why anyone would do this

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 14/09/2022 11:03

I couldn't go to my MIL funeral. It was the peak of covid and only 10 was able to attend. I still 0aid my respects. You can have a private moment of contemplation, prayer (if you believe in a GOD), give money to charity in her name. Suddenly everyone has become a royalist and wants to pay their respects.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 14/09/2022 11:04

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:37

There's no need to be grim with the Alton Towers comment. It's not a ride, it's about paying respects.

Like I've said, I don't understand the spectacle element of it either, and I don't feel especially fussed about not being able to go. But when I saw the news with these giddy tourists it did make me feel a bit sad that many many children and others would miss out

They are only missing out because you're choosing not to queue up with everyone else , it's not like anyone flying in will get bumped to the front of the queue.

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 11:05

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 14/09/2022 11:03

I couldn't go to my MIL funeral. It was the peak of covid and only 10 was able to attend. I still 0aid my respects. You can have a private moment of contemplation, prayer (if you believe in a GOD), give money to charity in her name. Suddenly everyone has become a royalist and wants to pay their respects.

See now thats a bit sad. Sorry for your loss.

strawberryjem · 14/09/2022 11:05

I also wanted to go op but am not waiting in those queues, to be honest, I don't have the time with work and childcare, to do so. I did take the children to see all the flowers as we are in Greater London so not far. They had a special school assembly so had a lot of questions and were interested to see it all. We will also go to our local church to sign the condolence book and light a candle.

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 11:06

beachcitygirl · 14/09/2022 10:55

Oh get a grip. Old lady dies. Sad for her family. Thats it.
This whole bowing & scraping faux grief is ludicrous

Wow! Such a new and original insight. Thanks

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 14/09/2022 11:06

@SoupDragon

Nope.

I kept respectfully quiet on day of her death. But the non-stop narrative of a nation in mourning is bullshit.
The republicans in the UK are entitled to voice our opinions & yes when a vile odious man is undemocratically appointed head of state in a democratic country & the national broadcaster falling over themselves to repeat the everyone is mourning lie & the police are arresting people who are angry at a nonce parading our streets
Its chilling.

I do care. I care a lot.
Not my king

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 11:07

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 14/09/2022 11:03

I couldn't go to my MIL funeral. It was the peak of covid and only 10 was able to attend. I still 0aid my respects. You can have a private moment of contemplation, prayer (if you believe in a GOD), give money to charity in her name. Suddenly everyone has become a royalist and wants to pay their respects.

I'm so sorry, this must have been awful

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 14/09/2022 11:07

@KeepYaHeadUp get off your knees

bodie1890 · 14/09/2022 11:08

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:31

It's not about having more right, it's about everyone having the same opportunity irrespective of their situation (disabilities, IBS, children, etc)

So including if they happen to live abroad, then?

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 11:08

beachcitygirl · 14/09/2022 11:07

@KeepYaHeadUp get off your knees

Mind blowing. Thanks

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 14/09/2022 11:08

beachcitygirl · 14/09/2022 11:06

@SoupDragon

Nope.

I kept respectfully quiet on day of her death. But the non-stop narrative of a nation in mourning is bullshit.
The republicans in the UK are entitled to voice our opinions & yes when a vile odious man is undemocratically appointed head of state in a democratic country & the national broadcaster falling over themselves to repeat the everyone is mourning lie & the police are arresting people who are angry at a nonce parading our streets
Its chilling.

I do care. I care a lot.
Not my king

Yep. Just as ludicrous. Proves my point rather well really.

Helgadaley · 14/09/2022 11:10

There's always someone who says 'what about.'
You sound as if you were expecting some kind of special provision to be made for families with children.
No one can help it if it's raining, and you either go to London and queue, or you watch it on tv like millions of others.

MarshaBradyo · 14/09/2022 11:10

I don’t think you can expect first dibs on a queue nor that it waits for those with dc to join

So many want to do the same and there’s not much you can do to reserve your place any other way

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 14/09/2022 11:11

Thanks for your condolences. It was sad. It was a grave side funeral. 10 people. My husband and his siblings had to socially distance and wear masks. There was no hugging or comforting each other. No wake. Nothing. It was like that for so many people. But we still found a way to pay our respects.

Mercurial123 · 14/09/2022 11:13

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 10:59

Yes I'm wondering that too. What if everyone leaves the queue?

There's a wristband system according to the BBC.

LindaEllen · 14/09/2022 11:13

You CAN go, but you don't like what's involved, so you're not. Take coats, give the kids screens for the queue. I'm not going for exactly the same reason you're not - but I'm not going to regret it, or think I've missed out or whatever.

Pedallleur · 14/09/2022 11:15

Wont somebody think of the children???

Freedomfighters · 14/09/2022 11:15

I'm sure there's plenty of other people with children / disabilities who are there. I have a disability and wouldn't be able to queue for that long. But I wouldn't do it for that very reason. I'm sure if there was a disabled priority queue and a children priority queue they would also be very long. But you're right. They should have let you go first, seeing as you live just outside. And it would be nice for your children. It's only fair.

ginghamstarfish · 14/09/2022 11:15

It was clearly to be expected OP. If I'd been that keen to see HMs coffin I would have gone to Scotland and been somewhere along the roadside, no queues there.

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 11:15

Mercurial123 · 14/09/2022 11:13

There's a wristband system according to the BBC.

I cant see how you'd get your exact spot back though. Maybe you get to go into the right "zone"