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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's a shame we can't pay our respects

518 replies

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:15

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

OP posts:
Sally99 · 14/09/2022 10:45

Sorry OP but you're being ridiculous. There are people queuing who are elderly, disabled etc and quite happy to endure a bit of hardship to pay their respects. Why should your family be treated differently?

ImIntaDouchingMyself · 14/09/2022 10:45

MiddleParking · 14/09/2022 10:37

I think it's more about people turning it into a tourist event/fun day out because they can

Oh right were you wanting to go because you’re mates with the queen?! That makes a lot more sense then.

😂😂exactly! It's an event that you are attending, making you exactly the same as all others choosing to gawp at coffin

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:45

@MiddleParking - there definitely is. Why do you find the concept of someone wanting to express gratitude and respect in this way so difficult to grasp? I think that says more about you than about the grief-tourists, the people whooping and cheering as the hearse passes, etc.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 14/09/2022 10:45

I think it's more about people turning it into a tourist event/fun day out because they can

Judgy, judgy, judgy and also completely unself-aware. You want to go for the “right reasons” but everyone else is going for the “wrong reasons”. Yeah, right.

Ontheradar82167 · 14/09/2022 10:45

I read this morning that Vue Cinemas will be showing the funeral live on 19 Sept & one free bottle of water, no other snacks allowed.
I don't know if you would need to buy a ticket or just turn up

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 14/09/2022 10:47

It's not about having more right, it's about everyone having the same opportunity irrespective of their situation (disabilities, IBS, children, etc)

Having children is not the equivalent of having disabilities, IBS etc!

It's obviously not a child-friendly event and your children don't have any more right to attend than adults who are able to queue.

MiddleParking · 14/09/2022 10:48

grief-tourists

What’s going to look at a stranger’s coffin because they were a public figure if not grief tourism? What’s good about your intentions that isn’t good about the intentions of the people you’re complaining about? Plus isn’t ‘tourism’ generally the justification for why we pay for these people live in fucking palaces and all?

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:48

amatsip · 14/09/2022 10:43

Do you feel you have more right to see the Queens coffin than people from abroad?

No, not at all. But I do think it's sad that we're in a time where it's become such a grotesque spectacle to the extent people were scrambling for plane tickets or extending their holidays the moment her death was announced. Some will have done it because they felt the need, but I guess I'm annoyed at the ones who've done it for the entertainment value

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 14/09/2022 10:48

I wouldn't queue for that long, especially with children.

You can pay your respects though in other ways such as, you could lay flowers at Buckingham Palace or another location. There are many books of condolence in lots of regional locations that you can sign. You could go to a church and say a prayer.

All that can be done without queuing to go past her coffin.

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:48

SleeplessInEngland · 14/09/2022 10:44

As you say yourself, it's lunacy to want to queue that long just to see a coffin. What you're actually annoyed by is the queue not being shorter.

The queue will be short and long, depending on when you go I suppose. It's just too much of a gamble

OP posts:
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:49

Sally99 · 14/09/2022 10:45

Sorry OP but you're being ridiculous. There are people queuing who are elderly, disabled etc and quite happy to endure a bit of hardship to pay their respects. Why should your family be treated differently?

Not my family - it's more about anyone who's put off going because they're elderly, etc as well as those with children. Maybe it's a missed opportunity to make a more accessible event

OP posts:
lawandgin · 14/09/2022 10:49

I get it OP. I'm desperate to go and pay my respects, but I can't queue for hours with a 5 month old. There is a whole section of society effectively excluded, but I don't know how the organisers could get round it. Timed tickets for all would be great, but imagine the logistics - websites crashing etc etc. What I don't understand is that the mobility information is quite vague - "anyone unable to queue for a long time" (or words to that effect). What does that mean? The only mention of children I can find is that you cannot take non-folding buggies.

mondaytosunday · 14/09/2022 10:49

They can watch the funeral on TV. The commentating may teach them a few things, they'll see everything from the best angle. You can prepare a special lunch - maybe some coronation chicken?
That's what I plan to do - spend the day thinking about her, admiring the pageantry, appreciating the Royal family and how she in particular meant so much to so many.

HappinesDependsOnYou · 14/09/2022 10:50

You say the que is not a child friendly set up but nothing about a funeral is a child friendly set up. With 67 million people living in the UK it was never going to be a small que whether people travelled from abroad or not. People are as interested as you are so I think it's a bit ott to feel jealousy about it. You either go and que or don't but I question why anyone would take a child to any of these events. Yes it's history but there is always a huge amount of waiting around and nothing particularly exciting for a child to see at the end of it. The king wasn't wearing a crown nor the queen consort, Prince or Princess and none looked like something out of a fairy tale so even meeting them was probably underwhelming for kids to be honest and seeing a coffin wouldn't be high on many kids lists of top days out

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:50

bridgetreilly · 14/09/2022 10:45

I think it's more about people turning it into a tourist event/fun day out because they can

Judgy, judgy, judgy and also completely unself-aware. You want to go for the “right reasons” but everyone else is going for the “wrong reasons”. Yeah, right.

Not everyone else at all. Not sure what gave you that impression. But there will be plenty

OP posts:
lawandgin · 14/09/2022 10:50

Oh and OP if you are anywhere near Staines, I may have a solution if you wanted to drive your children up to see the cortege pass on the way to Windsor.

FiveShelties · 14/09/2022 10:51

How do you know why people are turning up?

They may be as sincere as you claim to be.

Mamamia7962 · 14/09/2022 10:52

We British love to queue.

Sally99 · 14/09/2022 10:52

time where it's become such a grotesque spectacle

If you really think the above, how come you want to go anyway?

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:54

lawandgin · 14/09/2022 10:49

I get it OP. I'm desperate to go and pay my respects, but I can't queue for hours with a 5 month old. There is a whole section of society effectively excluded, but I don't know how the organisers could get round it. Timed tickets for all would be great, but imagine the logistics - websites crashing etc etc. What I don't understand is that the mobility information is quite vague - "anyone unable to queue for a long time" (or words to that effect). What does that mean? The only mention of children I can find is that you cannot take non-folding buggies.

Yes this is it. There wasn't much in the way of guidance when we decided we wouldn't go, and a lot of the press info around the queue and trains etc seemed to be about putting people off going. Looking this morning it's still very vague.

OP posts:
nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 10:54

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:45

@MiddleParking - there definitely is. Why do you find the concept of someone wanting to express gratitude and respect in this way so difficult to grasp? I think that says more about you than about the grief-tourists, the people whooping and cheering as the hearse passes, etc.

They are paying their respect in their own way!

mum2bee2022 · 14/09/2022 10:54

Mercurial123 · 14/09/2022 10:31

You wouldn't use your place you can leave the queue and return to your original place. The BBC have mentioned it numerous times.

How does that work? Who is monitoring who is leaving queue for the toilet and who is queue jumping?

MarinoRoyale · 14/09/2022 10:54

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:42

Not my children, we'll be fine. Children more generally, people with mobility issues who don't qualify for the fast track queue, etc. Keep up

Unsure how I’m not “keeping up” when you’ve posted a couple of times on this thread making it clear that you’d like to go but the wait in the weather for a long time with your kids is putting you off 😂 But crack on trying to shape shift to make it seem like you’re thinking mainly of other children, not your own, it’s amusing if nothing else!

beachcitygirl · 14/09/2022 10:55

Oh get a grip. Old lady dies. Sad for her family. Thats it.
This whole bowing & scraping faux grief is ludicrous

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 10:57

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:48

No, not at all. But I do think it's sad that we're in a time where it's become such a grotesque spectacle to the extent people were scrambling for plane tickets or extending their holidays the moment her death was announced. Some will have done it because they felt the need, but I guess I'm annoyed at the ones who've done it for the entertainment value

No one is standing for 30 hours in queue for entertainment

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