Why do so many more adult men than adult women still live with their parents?

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Obviously, COVID and CoL have had a severe impact on young people’s ability to leave home, regardless of gender. However, the percentage of young men at home is so much higher. These are the percentages for 2021 (according to Statista), as you’ll see, the difference starts to get quite striking in the mid-20’s.

Age Male Female
34 11% 3%
33 11%. 2%
32 13% 5%
31 14% 6%
30 15% 6%
29 19% 9%
28 25% 12%
27 30% 13%
26 36% 21%
25 43% 25%
24 56% 40%
23 56% 50%
22 65% 54%
21 67% 50%
20 64% 57%
19 81% 76%
18 92% 89%

So, what gives, do you think? Is it the old trope of useless man children who can’t cope on their own? Is it that women more likely to want their independence? Something else?

This is why I always roll of eyes when posters on here are disappointed to find out they are having sons because 'girls are closer to their mums'. These stats very much support my experience that men are far more likely to live at home until much older while women are more independent from earlier on. I've also noticed men are more likely to live closer to their family while women tend to move away when they do move out. Anyway, I once read girls tend to move out earlier because they are expected to do more housework and childcare of younger siblings, while boys aren't. I read that a few years ago so not sure if it's the case now.

@OrangeFlowersAreLovely what a load of sexist claptrap. So you base your opinion of most men what you read on MN? There is the possibility that MN gives a skewed picture of how the majority of men behave.
You'll only read about the crappy husbands and partners on here as it's a problem to post about.
People are hardly likely to post about their good husbands as there is no problem that requires the advice of other MN members

I saw a lot of people sneer at a guy in his 50s that was living with his mum. He had been her carer for years

and yet I know many women of that age who lived with their mothers and nobody ever said anything. Double standard.

I think it’s more to do with reproductive responsibility. When women have their own children they usually become the primary care givers in the event of relationship breakdown- they women will maintain a independent home with the children. Also there is a theory about how young people are taking longer to grow up nowersays so staying home longer is more normal - although the discrepancy in the genders likely due to females being conditioned to be more responsible and mature. Just a guess.

I would expect (but can't prove!) that young early 20s females might be more tempted to get a house or flat share with their friends, than a group of lads would be. It might not necessarily be down to relationships or purchasing houses.

In my experience it is more complicated than that, females are more skilled at masking (camouflaging signs) and as fitting into the society around you is important they tend to hone their skills and mask more. Many females with autism are underdiagnosed because in past generations there was less known about it, and the females were so good at masking that their parents and teachers did not know that there was an issue. And it is hard to diagnose or support when you don't know this. Hopefully this will begin to change, and I see this in the area I work in.

Men who are undiagnosed are in the same position as women who are undiagnosed. The reason they tend to be diagnosed earlier is because more men than women have autism and therefore it was more likely to be considered when presenting the signs (and men are less skilled at masking the signs). The higher up the spectrum you go the clearer it is how much more men than women are affected.

Let's be honest though - a lot of fully grown men are pathetic little man babies who are happy to have their arses wiped and bills paid by another woman, whether it's Mummy or not. Mumsnet has taught me this enormously.

I think you need to get off the fence a bit and tell us what you really think!

Sorry if I’m misunderstanding you, but I don’t think we disagree?

Four things:
Gitls tend to be worried about more by their parents in terms of getting lifts home, staying out late, meeting OLD contracts etc, so are more motivated to move out rather than be fussed over.

Single parents are prioritised for social housing, and resident parents get to stay in the family home after relationship break up, and these are proportionately more likely to be female.

I have worked in companies with a lot of Asian employees-if they can't afford their own place after marriage the norm seems to be that they stay with the husband's parents rather than the wife's.

Age gap relationships tend to be younger female, older male, so females are more likely tofind a partner who has already left home.

This is anecdotal, but a PP touched on mental health and i find this to be a big difference between men and women suffering with mental health issues.
This is obviously not everyone, im not saying every man/woman behaves like this, just anecdotal experience (before i get jumped on)
But i find that in my personal experience the women i know with MH issues tend to still be independent and whilst they struggle, they get by and are living independently. They also tend to do more recovery work, like therapy or working on their diet/exercise/routines/relationships etc on top of or instead of medication.
The men with MH issues who are at home tend to be different. They might or might not hold down a job. They probably take anti depressents, but are not actively 'seeking' recovery or independence in the same way women do. They game, eat junk food, dont exercise, dont help around the house, take advantage of their parents financially etc.
They and their families see 'i am depressed' as a permanent thing and if im honest, sometimes an excuse for them not to do anything outside of their comfort zones.
Its really hard to get help or WANT to get help when you are suffering with poor MH, but i find it interesting the difference in the 'coping' output. We see it with marriages - men use it in 'the script' when they have been having an affair, they say they are depressed to get out of engaging in family life or leaving the family home only for it to be discovered they have been seeing someone else.
This is NOT tarring all men or people with mental health with the same brush, just a personal observation.

This looks to be the answer

a lot less fun than some snippy shitty dig at men than a few posters decided to do though

I don't know. But if it was the other way round, people would find equally convincing reasons to explain it.

According to the ONS only 15% of families are single parent families.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/families/bulletins/familiesandhouseholds/2020

That cannot account for a discrepancy this large. Especially given that only a small proportion of the men who do not live with their children will move back in with their parents, it's by no means standard to do so.

That's not substantiated either. It's been under-diagnosed in many women for years because the diagnostic criteria were based on how it tends to manifest in men. Nobody really knows whether it is actually any more common in men, but in the absence of any evidence that it is, or why it would be, it seems unreasonable to assume that is the case when there is a more obvious explanation for the difference in diagnosis rates, which is only slowly being redressed.

I love that you went from not caring enough to Google stats to copying data from an MN post onto a spreadsheet. 😂

But, yes, that is very interesting. Thank you.

Ok, so what's your premise? That men are 3 years more immature than women?

And then what of the older ones where there is still a discrepancy?

Sorry, six years less mature! Even at 30+. That is quite amusing but also vaguely plausible, I guess. How sad.

But still, what of the older ones where the difference becomes more pronoounced than ever?

@TheSpringyGuyAndTheCheeseEater Was that intended for me or another poster?

In my experience, I think men are more prepared to make sacrifices and compromise in order to save and prepare for the future. They tend to be more careful with money - the women who've moved out tend to spend a lot more to rent in luxury new build apartments, whereas the men live in standard flats.

I know of many more men who've bought a house, and women who've moved into their male partner's house than the other way around.

I do think there's some truth in the thought that men are conditioned to be expected to provide financially, and women conditioned to expect a man to provide financially.

Incidentally, in my experience I've lived with some women who are as far from "domesticated" as it is possible to be.

@pinheadlarry that's a disgraceful post.

No, to @Getoff. Apologies, I didn't post it clearly.

That's extremely depressing. I'd be devastated if my daughter grew up to this it was the role of a man to provide for her financially. How infantilising.

*think

I mean, unless he is a pornstar, what relevance does having a penis have to earning money? We should all be teaching our daughters that money you earn for yourself, relationships are for emotional fulfilment, and that the former should never be dependent on the latter. It's horrific that this is still even an issue for so many people. What were their parents thinking??

Well in my family it always felt my parents couldn’t wait to get rid of the women in the house. Almost all of us left the moment we hit 18, however my youngest DB is still there and our parents have made it clear they have no intention of getting rid of him. They practically baby him and he simply wouldn’t survive living by himself. This tends to be the case in a lot of families.

That may be your experience, but research indicates the opposite. Women save more: www.ftadviser.com/pensions/2018/06/29/research-suggests-women-are-better-savers-than-men/

Despite that, the gender pay gap excludes a large number of women from home ownership:

www.realhomes.com/news/real-homes-reports-single-women-excluded-from-home-ownership

www.financialreporter.co.uk/the-gender-house-price-affordability-gap-where-are-women-worst-off-when-looking-to-buy.html

www.gocompare.com/mortgages/first-time-buyer/gender-save-gap/

Women are also more likely to buy things on sale and use coupons.

It seems rather unlikely that 15% of 30 year old men are living with their parents because they’re all ‘saving and preparing for the future’.

No worries!