Why do so many more adult men than adult women still live with their parents?

[Tsort]

Obviously, COVID and CoL have had a severe impact on young people’s ability to leave home, regardless of gender. However, the percentage of young men at home is so much higher. These are the percentages for 2021 (according to Statista), as you’ll see, the difference starts to get quite striking in the mid-20’s.

Age Male Female
34 11% 3%
33 11%. 2%
32 13% 5%
31 14% 6%
30 15% 6%
29 19% 9%
28 25% 12%
27 30% 13%
26 36% 21%
25 43% 25%
24 56% 40%
23 56% 50%
22 65% 54%
21 67% 50%
20 64% 57%
19 81% 76%
18 92% 89%

So, what gives, do you think? Is it the old trope of useless man children who can’t cope on their own? Is it that women more likely to want their independence? Something else?

I didn’t actually mean to be snidey at others - sorry. It is what my mother wanted to do for my brother so so so much, and not for me. It was said with resentment at my personal experience, not to upset. I’m sorry for sounding horrid.

All the men that I knew that lived with their mum.... those same "useless men" were carers for their mums.
I saw a lot of people sneer at a guy in his 50s that was living with his mum. He had been her carer for years.

In that case, the only thing I’m judging is your reading comprehension. Best of luck with that.

I have 2 male adult family members who have never left home.

1. Now aged 40. Was molly coddled being the youngest (or was it because he was male?) never was asked to help with housework or general chores. Such as, I don't think he'd know how be responsible for a home. Spent years not working, reliant on parents to bail him out (I and other siblings had to get a part-time job as soon as we were old enough, we left home early 20's)

1. Other male family member, similar to above but now in his 50's still living in the parental home, works for their family business.

In my family, females seem to have more drive and independence.

I also know of other brothers of friends who are in their 30's, 40's plus and have never left home. And some, to a lesser degree, females in their 30's who still haven't left home.

In my experience, you're not wrong!

This all rings so true. Thank you.

So, what do you think the answer is? Why so many more young men than women?

Caring responsibilities - one way or the other, sometimes mutual. Pretty much all the men I know who stayed at home have mh issues, or asd or care for a parent or a combination of these factors. Often they are men who would find it difficult to live alone but ultimately end up providing care for their elderly parent(s).

But go ahead and sneer at those useless men who won't grow up. After all the country's just bursting with support for adults with neurodiversity or mh issues.

@Tsort Admittedly it does not answer your question on percentages. The answers are probably a combination of pp's replies. Why do the percentages matter to you?
I do however find questions like your op to be quite judgemental deep down of grown men still living with their parents, as I do with some of the snidey replies. There have been so many judgemental/goady posts on grown young men living with their parents, unfairly classing them as a man child, yet no one ever seems to question why a woman still lives with her parents, nor judges them.

Is it the old trope of useless man children who can’t cope on their own? Is it that women more likely to want their independence? Something else?

That’s me sneering at ‘those useless men’ is it? And lacking in sympathy for MH issues? Are you aware of what an ‘old trope’ is?

well said

@Tsort I think you'll find plenty of sneering on the thread if you look.

I agree that there's a massive difference between adult children who still live at home and expect to be looked after, and those who share a relatively equal co-habiting adult relationship with their parents - indeed, as has been said, the adult child might be the owner/carer and have the senior responsibility in the household - and there's absolutely no way of knowing from the stats how many fall into which group.

MN traditionally says to run from a man who still lives with his parents, but what if the roles are reversed and, to all intents and purposes, his parent(s) live with him?

As to the big difference in numbers between men and women, I wonder if this has taken into account certain Asian cultures, where the sons traditionally stay at home and their wives move in with them after marriage? Thus the DIL doesn't live with her parents, but she does live with her in-laws. That may skew it a bit.

I provided the percentages, as they are relevant to the question. Which is why so many more young men than women? There’s a massive difference and I’m wondering what about our society makes it so.

You informing me about how hardworking and sensibly saving your son is isn’t really relevant to what I’m asking. If you’re not interested in the why, that’s your prerogative, but I am.

To be honest, with the costs of housing these days and the huge difficulty in saving up for a home of your own whilst also paying rent, I think that, if you get on well and it works for everybody, it's almost foolish for a young adult who is single - male or female - not to stay living with their parents.

As we've already mentioned, the only real danger comes when the adult child continues to live/be treated like a juvenile child and not as an adult contributing properly to the running of the household.

The ones I know are usually in a household with their single mother and feel guilty leaving.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Yes, we don’t know the extent to which cultural practices are skewing the numbers. That’s a really good point.

@Overshadowed That’s super interesting, as well. And ties in with what a lot of people have said upthread about single motherhood.

There won't be a single answer. It will a number of things at play.

Another one to consider is the proportion of low earning males with high earning female partners, compared to low earning females with higher earning males.

That's very much skewed towards younger/lower-earning females with older/higher-earning males, which will significantly impact the statistics.

Those disparities in those age ranges signify that single parenthood and the associated housing arrangements are the obvious driver.

But MN and agendas.

Things like ASD are commoner in men, and often lead to guys living at home for a long time. That might push the percentage up for men.

I looked this up and have now gone deep into a rabbit hole about autism being ignored or misdiagnosed in women. It’s fascinating, so thanks!

Also totally agree that this is probably a factor.

"because men need expect a woman to do their washing for them, and any other household task they find boring.
also mothers often collude with this, tolerating if not encouraging helplessness in sons but not in daughters."

Since we are dealing in sexist tripe on this thread, what about the old Tory complaint about young / teenage single mothers getting deliberately pregnant to secure benefits and free housing giant TV's from from the social !

My uncle (45) never left home, (well he did in his 30s and then decided it was too hard so came back) but basically he doesn’t like being by himself and he likes my grandma doing everything for him, she even runs his bath and warms his bed up for him every night and so he has got used to the lifestyle of basically being a ‘kid’ with no responsibility.

Two of mine worked abroad one part time he lived with us when home and saved up for a house. The other came home after six years and lived with us. They were no trouble did their own chores helped out around the house and garden. We never fell out.

I know mothers and daughters who fell out all the time so they moved out as I did with my own mother.
My poor dad looking back.

Since we are dealing in sexist tripe on this thread, what about the old Tory complaint about young / teenage single mothers getting deliberately pregnant to secure benefits and free housing giant TV's from from the social !

Well young women did intentionally get pregnant to get access to social housing and benefits (not the TV though). The thing that was seriously misrepresented in that viewpoint is how low the young woman's expectations were to make that choice in the first place. There are plenty of woman that ended up with a much more difficult and complicated life because of these choices. We should be ashamed of a society that made the option of young pregnancy so attractive, those young women were let down by society. They did not let down the society.

Women find it harder to live with another woman? Even if that woman is her mother ?