We have two kids. One is a few months old, the other is 2 and a half.
I am on maternity leave.
At the end of each day, I just don't have anything to give to my husband who returns from work. I often leave food out for him,I'll greet him and some nights I will stay downstairs with him for a bit, but other nights I just go upstairs and fall asleep. He's not around predictively at the weekend. He has the odd day off here and there, when we do spend more time together.
I sleep separately with the baby, as to not wake up husband who has a brutal schedule and needs to be out of the house by 6 am.
Older one goes to nursery some days. I am constantly busy with house stuff and looking after the baby and toddler, it's insane. I hate my life basically and live for the evenings where I can just have an hour of peace and sleep a bit before baby wakes up.
Is this OK : normal ?
AIBU?
Am I a rubbish wife?
FEF · 13/09/2022 20:30
Quartz2208 · 13/09/2022 20:51
@FEF so it is situational and affecting you both - it sounds brutal for you both.
WHy is it on you? You cant solve it - he has more control.
It sounds like you have little left to give each other. Has he said anything to indicate you should be
Summerhillsquare · 13/09/2022 22:10
Oh let me guess he comes home expecting sex, and you don't want to.
MumE78 · 13/09/2022 22:02
Sounds like you doing bloody well!
You've got your hands full and your still cooking and holding the fort 👏
Things will get easier and you'll grab some 'me' time back again soon
Cherchezlaspice · 13/09/2022 22:25
Why are you tolerating all this, OP? Pack up and go to your mum’s for a bit and figure out if this is the man you want to be with for the rest of your life.
MyneighbourisTotoro · 13/09/2022 22:31
OP are you the same poster from the other night? When he got very verbal for you asking him not to disturb your toddler at 9pm for a cuddle?
What you are describing is normal to an extent, I raised two children with no help and I was so burnt out and exhausted, do you have anyone who can offer you some respite?
Your relationship is suffering as well, you both have no time for each other which happens with young children but it becomes an issue when you both opt out.
You both need to communicate about your future together, what does he want to change, what do you want to change? Does he help out enough with the children after work or on the weekends?
FEF · 13/09/2022 22:32
It's really tough. I think I get to a low point with it every few months. He blows up or something happens and then it passes again.
I think part of the reason why I don't even want to spend time with him really, is because somewhere the trust is broken for me. I just can't forget it and I can't forgive it. I'm just really disappointed in all of it, but I am Stuck in a rut.
Cherchezlaspice · 13/09/2022 22:25
Why are you tolerating all this, OP? Pack up and go to your mum’s for a bit and figure out if this is the man you want to be with for the rest of your life.
FEF · 13/09/2022 22:33
Yes I posted that yesterday.
MyneighbourisTotoro · 13/09/2022 22:31
OP are you the same poster from the other night? When he got very verbal for you asking him not to disturb your toddler at 9pm for a cuddle?
What you are describing is normal to an extent, I raised two children with no help and I was so burnt out and exhausted, do you have anyone who can offer you some respite?
Your relationship is suffering as well, you both have no time for each other which happens with young children but it becomes an issue when you both opt out.
You both need to communicate about your future together, what does he want to change, what do you want to change? Does he help out enough with the children after work or on the weekends?
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VladmirsPoutine · 13/09/2022 22:45
Has the general mood in the relationship shifted very far from what it was before the children? Sometimes men have a way of doing a whole 180 when kids come along. Or were you always a bit on edge about how good/not good of a wife you were?
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