To think breastfeeding is a hassle?

[choolaboola]

Apologies in advanced if this is offensive as I know some BF people feel really passionate about it - BUT - can I please ask, why do people breastfeed?

First time pregnancy here - all I read is "my BF baby won't sleep" "I can't leave them down" "I can't go to XYZ months in because Im exclusively BF" etc.

I'm genuinely wondering is it a much harder path to go down? My friends, sisters, mum and MIL have all formula fed and as far as I can see, the outcome is the same. So I'm just wondering what other people's thoughts are?

I don't get why in every one of those scenarios you would just pop a boob in when a cuddle could suffice? Enough hormones in there to sooth. Not nessarily aimed at you but I see so many moaning that they want independence and then do that. It is just odd.

Obviously this is aimed at older babies and not newborns. *

Well even assuming a cuddle would suffice, it does me no harm to pop the boob in, does the baby some good (oxytocin, nutrition, hydration, pain relief), and does me some good (length of breastfeeding correlates with lower breast cancer rates, oxytocin). Plus we both still get the cuddle. So not so much "why?" as "why not?" really. No rod!

My baby simply wouldn’t latch properly (no tongue tie) and on the rare occasion when she did she’d fall asleep so wouldn’t get enough milk. I so wish I could breastfeed because of its convenience (no sterilising, no making up bottles etc) but it’s not for us. Ultimately though, everything with a baby takes a million times longer and every baby is different, some will be champion sleepers, others won’t be. You just have to do what’s right for you and baby. I also don’t think you can make a firm decision until baby has arrived.

@ebri91

And you're an angry, aggressive little so and so. I've reported you.

Survivor bias.

But a cuddle doesn't sooth a teething baby as well as breastfeeding does, a cuddle doesn't contain antibodies to sickness like breastmilk does, breastmilk is easier on the stomach than formula and so easier to keep down if a baby is vomiting, and it IS food and drink on tap which is better than letting a young child end up hungry and miserable. A cuddle wouldn't solve any of those things, and plenty of parents have comfort items for their babies too like dummies and special blankets.

With my formula fed baby I had weeks of sleepless nights when she was teething, going through Ashton and parsons powders, calpol and any other solution I could find just to give her a bit of relief, with my breastfed baby, I just had to breastfeed her and she'd settle down in no time at all, when my formula fed baby needed to go into hospital and have IVs put it and MRIs and other scary tests, it was a horrific experience of having to listen to her screaming, when my breastfed baby had a severe infection I could feed her while they put the IVs in and drew blood and yes she cried, but it was sorted much faster and while it was still heartbreaking to have to experience, it wasn't quite as difficult as with my eldest. Formula and bottles are great but they alone can't replace the comfort breastfeeding can bring.

You do love to just chuck a non seqitur don't you?

It's not survivor bias, it's a fact then when done correctly (safe sleep surface, clear of bedding, breastfeeding non-smoking non-drinking non-medicated parent) there is no increased risk. The problem is people are blanket told 'don't sleep with your baby, put them in a cot', and then that doesn't work (many small babies prefer contact when they sleep), and parents then become exhausted and 'emergency' bedshare without planning/preparing/researching how to do it safely.

Depending on your feelings for them I often find dummies good for teething. Mind you I was lucky with my first with teething. Waiting to see about my second.

BF is so much easier if you can get it established, I think there’s not enough education around it being a skill you need to learn. I naively thought it would just happen, so when it didn’t and we ended up back in hospital repeatedly making the switch to formula was the easiest thing.

I’ve had 3 children and managed to get it to work for just one, it was easier as it was convenient and free but in the end FF isn’t such a chore. The ready made milks and a clean bottle is all you need.

Comparatively I found I was more comfortable and happier with FF but if I was to have another child I would attempt to persevere with the BF for the health benefits.

Actually I sympathise with those who attempt to get the baby in a basket first before resorting to bedsharing as a last resort. Those who don't even bother and are proud of it I don't. I wonder which group you fall in?

Baby 1 I was group A, baby 2 I was wholeheartedly group B. Know better, do better.

Oh gosh, no, not at all, I didn't think the "want my body back" was a superficial thing. It must be really visceral. I had fairly easy/enjoyable pregnancies (the third was a bit of a drag towards the end) so you're possibly onto something with that idea.

And frankly, I'll take a better, safer night's sleep for me and my daughter over your 'sympathy' /approval any day of the week :)

I didn't worry.

We take risks every day, without even thinking about them. I've never heard of a baby dying through incorrectly made formula in the uk, but many die in car accidents/collisions with cars.

But how many parents with up whether that car journey is REALLY essential, when deciding to take it, or the safety of taking baby out in the pram for a walk. Both of which have resulted in more tragic deaths of babies than advance making milk or a perfect prep.

The guidelines are so strict because:

1. there is no incentive from the NHS to make it workable, as that would detract from their push for breastfeeding.

2. companies are always going to cover their backs. That's why some shampoos even, suggest checking with your doctor before use. It's not about proportionality, but about minimising the risk of litigation.

I didn't worry because making in advance is endorsed as a safe (albiet not the 'ideal' method) by the WHO, I've not known personally any babies become ill using that method, and because frankly, it's a commonly used method and if it were that dangerous, there's be reported of babies becoming ill and dying in the news.

I accept that is a tiny risk, but so is walking up the stairs, riding a bike. Even breastfeeding has it very tiny risks (undiagnosed HIV or other transmissible illnesses, the occasional baby that suffocates on a boob etc). Life is a risk, nothing is 100% safe, and theres a balance to be struck between safety and practicality.

First baby I definitely got into some dangerous situations due to sleep deprivation as she would not sleep in the cot for more than 40 minutes. Ever. and it took forever to settle her in it. Even without bedsharing, walking her round and round the room to get her off when I was dead on my feet and banging into walls but didn't dare sit down with her as I knew I'd fall asleep on her; lying down on the floor with her simply because I was too tired to do anything else and she wouldn't go to sleep without touching me; eventually sleeping with her between me and my partner because I hadn't planned to bedshare so had no safe sleep surface. Now THAT was dangerous.

Baby 2? I didn't even get the cot out of the attic. Since the day she came home from the hospital she has slept with me on a beddingless double mattress on a futon frame on the floor. As it so happens she is a different baby, and would actually settle quite nicely for her dad or after a feed and sleep for a decent length of time - sod's law :P but I was not prepared to go through what we went through with baby 1 and end up at risk, so I planned for what actually worked for me as a parent and her as an infant.

Your next bit will be to tell me i was too lazy to 'train' baby 1 and i should have just let her cry in her cot whilst 'patting' her or 'retreating' or some such thing. At which point I will say at the point you need to completely ignore all your parenting instincts to soothe and comfort, and all your tiny baby's instincts to seek safety and comfort from its primary caregiver, to make your system work, thats the point you have to wonder if it's a workable system.

So you preach about the dangers of perfect prep but happily share a bed in which it is well known that babies can and do die?

Okay...

Thank you for this answer, it makes perfect sense to me. All of parenting is a balance of risks as you say, and letting perfect be the enemy of good is never the way forward!

Just accept and acknowledgement you are taking a big risk. 🤷‍♀️

If this is me you are referring to I have never done "cry it out". Why do you need to go from one extreme to the other?

I didn't preach. I asked a question as to how others made their peace with it as it wasn't something I personally could get my head around, which made bottle feeding much more difficult for me. I've had some enlightening answers. Everyone has their thing they worry about. To me it makes perfect sense that mammals sleep with their babies, and very little sense that this would result in an increased risk of death if done in the way most mammals do it (as in breastfeeding mother sharing with infant, no drugs no booze no fags no bed paraphenalia). The evidence supports this view.

I'm not referring to 'cry it out' (which is just walking out of the room and leaving child to scream). I'm referring to what is known as 'gentle sleep training' with the put down and pat, or gradual retreating chair stuff. All the things basically between 'cry it out' and 'when your baby cries, pick it up'.

Same here.
I also loved that I didn't have to buy any bulky equipment - nothing cluttering up the kitchen, and that it was essentially free and always on tap.

I've coslept with both of mine, although I did put DD1 in a crib for the first few months but honestly found it a bit of a hassle and especially once she moved to her own room but still had night feeds so we ended up cosleeping till she moved to her own room of her own accord.

DD2 is 12wo and we've coslept since birth, which has been lovely and easy and we've had lots of sleep and it's helped breastfeeding a lot. I feed her lying down, which I find much less disruptive and I've never had that newborn fug of sleep deprivation. She just unlatches herself when done and because we are already in a safe sleep position she doesn't have to be moved.

I don't believe there is an increased risk for a full term breastfed baby and a safe cosleeping environment and position. Statistics generally don't differentiate between safe cosleeping and people accidentally falling asleep on sofa or while sitting up (which ironically tends to happen when people have had the fear of God put into them about sleeping in the same bed!)

But anyway we all find our own comfort levels with risk and as long as we have the relevant information and are making an informed choice, then it's an individual thing. That goes for breastfeeding as well as cosleeping.

Nope. Because I'm not. As I've said, when you remove the risk factors of FF, drugs/drink, smoking or unsafe bedding, there isn't an increased risk to bedsharing vs sleeping in a cot. And the rates of SIDS/suffocation are vanishingly tiny anyway, so even if i was being more slack than i am (which I would never advocate) it isn't a big risk by any definition.