To think breastfeeding is a hassle?

[choolaboola]

Apologies in advanced if this is offensive as I know some BF people feel really passionate about it - BUT - can I please ask, why do people breastfeed?

First time pregnancy here - all I read is "my BF baby won't sleep" "I can't leave them down" "I can't go to XYZ months in because Im exclusively BF" etc.

I'm genuinely wondering is it a much harder path to go down? My friends, sisters, mum and MIL have all formula fed and as far as I can see, the outcome is the same. So I'm just wondering what other people's thoughts are?

I didn't want to breastfeed. I just did not like the thought of my baby sucking from my breasts several times a day. I know it's a natural thing etc but the thought genuinely made me feel anxious. Perhaps subconsciously the thought of breastfeeding around others was a factor. I also wanted others to be able to feed my baby such as my exh and my mum. Six bottles were made up at the beginning of the day and warmed as soon as DS began to stir.

I have done both (bottle and breastfed) and for my money bf is easier (long term, can be tough to initiate and settle in no question), cheaper, an so much more versatile. It is so much more than a feeding method, it's a parenting tool. Baby hurts themselves? Breastfeed and it floods them with both pain relieving and comforting hormones. Teething? Instant pain relief and comfort. Baby sick and refusing solids, only wants to cuddle? Bf. Baby vomiting and struggling to hold down fluids? Bf is easy on their tummy and if they do chuck it back up, doesn't stink nearly so badly as formula puke (plus you haven't just 'wasted' a load of time and money on making up a bottle). Baby refusing to sleep at bedtime? Bf until they zonk out 😆 Gone out and forgot to pack snacks/cup, or get stuck out longer than you planned for? Food and drink on tap. Baby bored and being a pest while you try to talk to a friend? Whack em on the boob!

ALL THAT BEING SAID: my first baby had an awful latch and CMPA an ripped my nipples to shreds. It was no joke and it did not "come naturally" - took us about 6 very VERY painful weeks to find our groove. Also because of her bad latch she wasn't getting much on board so woke up every 20 minutes in the early weeks which nearly killed me dead before I learned to feed lying down. La Leche League and an online support forum helped so much. If I hadn't been so (possibly unhealthily) fixated on breastfeeding due to unwanted c section related birth trauma I could easily have given up at that point.

My second baby I was much more prepared - but then she just wouldn't feed AT ALL, flat out wouldn't latch on. Screamed when I tried. Was squeezing out colostrum into a little syringe and squeezing it onto her tongue. It was awful. Midwife visited and saw what a state I was in, saw that the baby was giving signs of low blood sugar and recommended formula to tide her over and she guzzled it down from a newborn bottle - it was such a relief to have her fed. Made me realise what an amazing invention it is, possibly for the first time. I then got a pump and from the next day she was on exclusively pumped bottles (I was lucky that I had little trouble with supply). I found pumping and bottle washing etc a total admin ballache though and hated it, so persisted with bf (mostly at night when she was sleepy enough to be relaxed about giving it a go). By 6 months we were "mixed" breast and bottle, by 10 months she sacked off the bottles herself and was exclusively breastfed. Still going now at 19 months.

I would say the convenience of bottle feeding (if there is any) is in the bottle, rather than the formula, and if I wanted to bottle-feed for whatever reason I would pump for it. Once I discovered in-bra hands free pumping it changed my life, before that pumping was such a nuisance, afterwards it was just so so easy.

I guess my point is it depends what you want out of it. For me, bf solves a bunch of problems an doesn't cause any past the initial weeks or establishing. Bottle feeding caused a lot of issues. But for me, I didnt have to or want to be away from my babies when they were small - if I had needed to, pumped bottles of breast milk would have been my solution.

The thing I don't get about formula feeding is how people "decide" what is "safe enough" for them, because it seems like no-one who does it as their main feeding method actually makes up each bottle fresh as per the package instructions and the NHS guidance (unsurprisingly because that would be SO hard to manage in normal life with a normal baby who doesn't get hungry every 4 hours on the clock). How do you decide "it's ok to just make them up in the morning and warm up", or "it's fine to use a Perfect Prep machine" when there is no official guidance that supports that? Don't you worry?

My baby was only on formula for a day so could afford the ready made stuff - but by GOD it's expensive compared to the powdered (which is also expensive!!). So I understand why these choices get made, I just don't know how people arrive at what they're comfortable with and how they deal with the worry of not following the package/NHS guidance.

oh do fuck off!

@ebri91

Fuck off yourself. It's a genuine question. It's the thing that made FF impossible for me and pumping the easier option as I could not find any officially endorsed guidance about pre-prepping formula that would make it less of a ballache than making it up fresh every time. Yeah various folk would say to me "I just do this [insert time saving measure here]" but when I tried to find guidance on how to do this safely it was nowhere to be found. And in the same way I wouldn't give my baby honey before 1year just because my granny said I had LOADS on my baby porridge and it didn't do me any harm, I wouldn't prep my baby's food in a way that no official source could confirm to me was safe. I'm not being an arsehole, it's a genuine question!!

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen well for me, I made them up the ‘official’ way until an NHS paediatric nurse told me ‘nobody really does that, just use a hot shot then top up with pre-boiled cooled water. It’s not official guidance, but..’
But DD was a robust 8mo, I think I would’ve been more nervous if she had been a newborn.

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen - my DC’s only ever had formula. No concerns as to it’s safety. It’s an amazing product. They didn’t get sick - no stomach problems or allergies.

People say bottle feeding is a hassle - it’s straightforward, easy, quick and everyone can help with it.

I was lucky, I think, but it was incredibly easy. No crying or trouble sleeping, no weight issues, no colic. Fed anywhere, anytime, and no washing up or sterilising. I honestly found it second nature. BUT yes some people have difficulties and it you do, sack it off. Life's too short. But it can go really well and be really easy.

I’ve done both

BF is hard at first but once it clicks it’s all good. Had a good sleeping baby and could be put down in own cot. Much easier past 6 weeks than ff - could go anywhere without worrying about bottles etc much more free.

FF - colicky baby, threw up a lot, was tough time and yes easier at beginning as partner could help , but trying to make up a bottle with screaming baby and all the other things. She co-slept till she was nearly 2. I was lucky if she slept more than an hour !

Hassle isn’t down to how you feed the baby but whether the baby is a unsettled one or not.

@Wouldloveanother thank you for that answer and for not getting the arse with me for asking!! And yes to be fair once DD was 6 months old, crawling around and licking the doormat I'd have been a lot less worried!!! 😆 It's at that newborn stage when you just worry all the time... Having a paediatric nurse give one the go ahead would definitely have been reassuring. I did ask my midwives what I was supposed to do and they referred to the official guidance (which I suppose they should and must, but it just made it seem so utterly impossible to formula feed as newborns feed all over the place and I just couldn't stand the idea of her screaming with hunger while I naffed around cooling fresh boiled water to x degrees etc etc). I'm a bit of a rule follower, so I would have needed someone "official" to give me that permission I guess, rather than just the "I've raised 5 children" brigade.

When it's working well it's so much less hassle - zero prep, zero cost, always available.

Obvs if your working before 9-12 months or have planned separation periods before they're settled on solids then pumping to prepare and avoiding blocks is a faff. But I didn't have any lengthy separation time til they were older so no matter.

With rising formula prices personally I think knowing there always a food source for your baby is v low stress

I breast fed my 2 with no problems. Both good sleepers

Having had one child ebf who I spent ages trying to get to take a bottle as well which was really hard work I then couldn't be arsed with DC2 and just breastfed. No way could I be bothered with the hassle of bottle feeding.

I did mixed feeding with both my dd. I had low supply (found out later it was probably linked to my underactive thyroid) so couldn't fully breastfeed and so did breast and bottle at every feed for 6 months. In a way, the worst of both worlds! It worked for us, anyway. I enjoyed breastfeeding and doing both meant that dd was versatile and if I left her over a feed, she would just have a bottle.

I wish there had been more advice about mixed feeding as no midwives or the support from La Leche League could give me any info or advice which made me feel like a total anomaly - but surely must happen to other mums. This was 8 and 10 years ago so maybe things have improved!

I bf all mine. You're right it's not easy - in fact I found it harder bfing than I ever did being pg - but neither is standing in front of a hob cooking a meal for over an hour each evening. It was about nutrition for me. For me, most things that are worth doing take a bit of effort.

That said, I have no issues with ff, I just chose not to do it. It's all a personal choice.

Going to take this at face value.

After the first couple of weeks BF is a doddle. No getting up in the middle of the night to make bottles, no making bottles in general, no worrying about bringing formula out and about. No matter where you you have milk for your baby. Generally you also don't have a "target" when bfing, the amount of time my FF friends stressing over how many ounces baby was drinking was incredible.

Your baby is sick and refusing to eat/ take a bottle? Or it's hot and you are worried about dehydration? Chances are they will BF as its comforting to them and triggers a pain relief response. Same if they ar hurt or upset, feeding is like instant comfort.

[disclaimer to FF who will no doubt get offended by this - it's just my experience and is not to in any way dimish your relationshup with your baby] I also found it an incredible bonding experience with my baby - some of my favoutie moments with my babies are BFing them, it's like a long close cuddle (sometimes). I am not saying that you can't achieve the bond or feeling in otherways, but that was my experience. Also I found it awsome to see my babies my babies grow and knowing that was all coming from me.

I lost a lot of weight BFing, but it helps your uterus contract after birth.

All that is before you even start on the clever things like sharing immune responses with your baby to help them get over illness quicker, the fact the miulk adjusts to different times of day etc etc.

Also, I know lots of FF babies who don't sleep well. Unfortunately FF isn't some magic sleep pill. Babies wake up at night, that's what they do.

I breastfed the first day in hospital and then went on to formula feed which was always my plan. But I really regretted not sticking with BF, before you have a baby you can't even begin to imagine the love and the bond you'll feel. I just wanted her close to me skin to skin and you realise then why so many women love breastfeeding, because it's an intimate bonding experience between mother and child and a real sense of closeness.

I really didn't fully 'get it' until it was too late but I'd definitely like to try with baby number 2.

@Parker231 well that's your experience. As I say I bottle-fed for months and found it an amazing faff Vs breastfeeding! All that sterilising and scrubbing and making sure you had everything when you went out, finding the right size teat, knowing when you had to size up... And then there was the time I managed to pump ahead three bottles and then left them all in the fridge of the holiday home two counties away and only realised when we got home 😭

As I say no concerns about formula when it's prepared according to guidance, I just don't know how people in general find the confidence to go "off piste" to make it more manageable. I couldn't do it which is one of the reasons I pumped as you can have BM in the fridge and just warm it straight up (or if you're out, pump and feed directly). But then you still have to wash and sterilise the bloody pumps!!!

Can't argue with the other people helping bit though (as long as they actually do). Somehow I still ended up doing all the nights even when baby was bottle fed!! Side eyes partner but it was great in the day time to not ALWAYS be the one who had to drop everything and feed.

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen

I think that's another thing that muddies the water here, FF isn't this one universal thing, practices change a lot.

I can see advantages to the older ways, making up in advance without worrying about bacteria, only feeding every 4 hours and the formulas being heavier and settling babies for longer periods. It's completely different to having to boil a kettle and make fresh every time whilst FF on demand. You could end up with a baby who eats small amounts every 2 hours day and night, worst of both worlds.

A rod for your own back springs to mind.

Perfect prep machines and safety etc:

elht.nhs.uk/application/files/4915/5533/6985/Statement_on_formula_preparation_machines_Nov_2016.pdf

If it is any consolation you can still have a lovely bond with a formula fed baby. My 7 month old only wants me most of the time! Don't swallow all the "only have a amazing bond if you breast feed". Same goes for myvolder child too!

i think I know one woman who found breastfeeding easy! It is hard at first. With my ds, I hated it and couldn’t wait to give up and stopped at 6 months and moved to formula. Main reasons were a huge hungry baby and hourly wake ups for feeds and not having a day off from feeding. With my dd this time, I’ve been used to no social life so the impact on my independence etc isn’t noticeable haha. I also accepted it would hurt and be hard at first after experiencing that with dd. I’m now at 11 months and still going and will continue when back at work.
I saw a poster in the maternity ward and it made me determined to bf, I didn’t realise all the benefits to be honest. If you google them, it’s amazing. Your boobs even detect from your baby’s saliva what mix of milk the baby needs. So if baby is sick, it prepares the correct antibodies. I’m not adverse to formula at all, I use it at night now but I’m a big advocate of bf having learnt of the benefits and that powered me through the beginning when, for most women, it’s quite hard and you want to give up constantly.

I must be ferociously hard of thinking but I have literally no idea what you mean by that catty little non sequitur. Want to elaborate, or leave me in suspense?

Bed sharing is perfectly safe if done properly. As anyone who has read even a tiny amount of research on the subject would know. Sleeping with infants is done worldwide and is completely normal for mammals.