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AIBU?

6+ years and Ex GF

121 replies

Mgi4243765 · 13/09/2022 09:40

I don't know where to start other than AIBU for being pissed off at my BF for bringing up his ex GF constantly but especially during a reminiscing moment about our relationship and our 'song'..

For context, we got together and he told me about his ex GF straight away that they had been broken up for 2 years but were good friends and i would need to be ok with that.. I said sure.. She's a lovely person.

In the beginning she was always there, big group so it didn't really matter, but at lunch work social she was there (they worked together for the first year of us)

On our 1-year anniversary, he brought her to our dinner.. spoke to her the whole time, (Was supposed to cook me a special dish for lunch - which he forgot about) then at dinner with his ex (just the three of us - he invited her) he ordered said meal.. Also on the same day bought a red bike helmet new and said oh ex GF would like this.. not a card or text message or anything for me.. It was too much for me I got up and walked out, and they 'both' followed me!! - she did not get the hint to bugger off at this point.. I literally had to say it's not you, it's him to her and live the embarrassment of the situation (that's a short version)

Move on and some would think this would be it for them, it very nearly was.. however, I got over it and we carried on lots of little things happened over the next two years but I just thought it was me, and moved past them. Nothing was ever sexual or disrespectful to me but an air of togetherness still remained with them.

We move in together.. have now been together longer than they were together in the first place and it's now been 6.5 years - I want to get married (both divorced) and he doesn't - I've accepted that.. but he bought me a ring and said he wanted it to be just between he and I because everyone he has bought a ring for it has finished.. (his EX w, ex GF and now me..)

We were with our group which included ex GF when they saw the ring and all the girls got excited and were making a fuss, I said no it's just a gift (it's a diamond but think flowers rathen than one big stone) and the EX GF sister came up and grabbed my hand and then threw it down and didn't say anything but rushed over to her sister, who took a while but came over and also took my hand (ring is on 'that' finger) I again said it's just a gift she said oh it's really nice BUT got really pissed (not directly at me but in the room - we were at a house party) she started arguing with people and getting louder and louder so I said to my BF let's go - she came running out and tried to follow us to the car shouting wait i'll come with you. I told him in no uncertain terms 'no! she's not joining us I want to go. He said ok and we left. IT was a strained car journey home.

At first I was like I feel for her as she must have loved him but it didn't work out, so she was jealous and quite frankly the more love we have in the world the better for us all, so I really tried to just come to terms with her behaviour but then it played on my mind and it started to piss me off (she is also in a relationship of 4.5 years now) so I thought.. "you were with him for 4 years split up for two when he and I met it's now 6.5 years after that you have your own BF and you still react that way!" you're disrespecting me! so I get a bad feeling in my stomach and just kept my distance. I told my BF how I feel and he tried to be supportive of her telling me she 'got a ring' and it didn't work out!! AND?? are we, not way passed that now!? clearly not.

So roll on a few months (I've tried to not go out when she's there..) no bad feelings really just my feelings have changed towards her and I need to work them out but for now, I don't want to be around her.

Sooo last night we were watching a band's documentary when I said this is our song.. he said what? I said remember in X place when we first got together it was always playing and he said oh yeah.. but no real emotion about it.. (we've mentioned this song before) but clearly he doesn't feel the same. (No other song was given as 'this' is our song - nothing) Anyway said band are playing in our city next year and he said we should go, I said yes I tried for tickets etc but couldn't get through, he said no we'll go VIP, we were laughing and having a really happy conversation (albeit he wasn't feeling the 'our song vibe'.). then another song came on and we were singing it and he said 'ex GF would love this'. It just punched me in the gut!

I looked at him with disbelief and said SHUT UP just stop fucking talking! what??? we're having a conversation about our song' reminiscing about good times and in the middle of that, you say 'ex GF would love it! and he said promptly I'm going to bed I'm not dealing with this?

Now remember I've only ever said anything TWICE in 6.5 years once on our 1st anniversary.. and once when she flipped out about the ring.. never in all the other times there have been similar situations of circumstances have I said anything.

So what would you do?? (I spent the night in the spare room crying painful soul-like tears - (I NEVER CRY)

AIBU? Should I just forget this and move on it's so persistent the moment I think we're on track in whatever way he'll allow I guess she just pops back up! I guess I'm thinking maybe I should take a step back and they're meant for each other as clearly, he hasn't or they haven't let go?? Do I stay in the way of something that's meant to be??

I'm sad. I just don't know what to do.. He's tried talking to me this morning but i just feel saddened..

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Am I being unreasonable?

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You are being unreasonable

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Chikapu · 13/09/2022 12:03

it's just this

Just this? Oh come on, it's not like he's leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to bring home milk, he's in love with another woman and you're just a place holder.
Why on earth have you settled for this?