To be upset my mum's rudeness

[Rainer]

I am a very sensitive soul.I work full time and am a busy mum of 3. We have a short haired dog (and a cat for good measure!). My parents visited this evening and went into the lounge while I held the dog back (they are 70's and 80's and not particularly bouncy dog proof). In there they began to complain to each other about how badly my house smelt (of the dog). In not very hushed tones. This would be fine but my mother is always on at me for working too hard and never resting and it made me feel completely inadequate. To not drip feed I told her I heard and she did apologise as I told her it was hurtful, however that I am too over sensitive. The juxtaposition of how she always tells me to do less, then to complain that I was not keeping on top of housework/ keeping dog fresher was very jarring. Feel free to ignore. I just needed to vent. You will all decide I am quite mad!

Dogs smell, and they make your house smell too. You can immediately smell it as soon as you walk into the house if someone who owns one.

You are being oversensitive, particularly so to describe yourself as a “sensitive soul” 🙄

Sorry you overheard that, its never nice to have things like this flagged!

Having said that, as a dog free household, I do find myself sensitive to the smell in other homes- Do your parents have dogs? Maybe she's just more aware of it because she doesn't have any?

I agree with the above poster tbh. Dogs smell. People that have dogs in their house have houses that smell of dog. Even if you'd have sprayed dog fresher, it would still smell of dog. It doesn't sound like they were complaining, just commenting (why would they complain to each other, instead of you, if they were actually complaining?)

Dogs always have that "wet mop" smell to me, and anyone who doesn't have a dog will notice it, just as non-smokers can notice the smell of cigarettes on someone.

You describe yourself as a sensitive soul, and you sound too sensitive. Try to grow a thicker skin, perhaps.

^^ Not the above poster, I meant @YellowTreeHouse but I do also agree with @Jindle1

Dogs do smell to be honest, we have cats and when they’ve used the litter tray it stinks too and I complain myself at my own house 🤣 im sure it was no reflection on you and your house etc

Yes I am oversensitive. I say so because I know it to be true. Not sure what exactly you think criticising the fact I say this is to serve except to make me feel more shit. Thanks for that. I have PTSD and so what was always a personality flaw has been even more heightened. I posted this to try and ascertain if I was literally, being reasonable to be upset.

The words were 'corr it stinks of dog in here' 'oh it's really strong' and 'poo'. Tbqh and as is the way of mn no one will believe me, the lounge has always had a distinctive smell, even when we first moved in so I'm not sure it is all the poor dogs fault. For further clarity, no they do not have dogs, and have a strong dislike for our dog.

OP if you are a sensitive soul and suffering from PTSD why are you posting in AIBU? Maybe try chat where people are nicer.

Because I expected people to comment on the issue and not the fact that I highlight my personality flaws.

So if you’re unhappy about being oversensitive then do something about it and build some resilience.

Don't expect the world to pussyfoot around you because you’re “a sensitive soul”.

OP, people are responding to you honestly. I hope you didn't take my comments to mean I was criticising you - that wasn't the intention. I was just pointing out when you asked if you were being unreasonable over your parents comments, I said yes you were. Dogs stink and no: it's not your "poor dog's fault", they can't exactly spray perfume on themselves or self-apply deodorant, but that doesn't change the fact that dogs smell.

'Sensitive soul' drip feeds she has PTSD. 🙄
You were right to challenge your parents' not so subtle comments about the smell.
However, posting in AIBU is bound to trigger anyone over-sensitive to criticism.

Going against the grain, I do think they were a bit rude! Yes houses with a dog smell a bit doggy, but I still wouldn't go into someone's house and say loudly "ugh it stinks of dog in here".

Similarly my house can often be a bit messy (busy with work, kids etc) and I'm not particularly sensitive or embarrassed by it ... but if I heard my mum and dad in the living room saying "ugh it's so messy in here" I'd probably be pretty annoyed/upset! I'd prefer they were too polite to mention it, which they are :)

So I think YANBU, mostly :)

I think people lose their filter as they get older- especially in places they are comfortable.

Try to let it go- they apologised

Oh ha. We've got a dog and I'm always worried about our house stinking. Anytime someone comes round I open all the windows, spray the dog, spray the cushions, wash the dog if I have enough notice.

It wasn't particularly nice of your mum to say that, or she could at least have said it subtly to you. I would try not to worry about it. Dogs stink 🤣

That was not my intention. I didn't expect the main focus of people's wrath to be about how I described myself. I expected it to be about the actual topic. I actively tried not to drip feed, this fact about myself I didn't feel to be relevant but fuck me this place is a nest of vipers. Take me back to 2004. Thanks for the reminder of why I post on other forums and rarely here. It's just not necessary to do a take down , whatever topic of mn you post in. I was perfectly happy to be told I was bu, however rolling eyes and bitchy comments about how I describe myself are just nasty and unnecessary.

personality take down

@Rainer ask MN to move this or repost in chat the bitches can't help themselves on here.

To me, it's more the delivery of how you were told (or not told in this case). If your mum had said, "Rainer, your house smells a bit like dog and I wanted you to be aware" that's quite different to making comments loudly behind your back. Also, it's your mum! They aren't meant to make those sorts of comments behind you back, even if they do apologise after.

I'd be annoyed about it too.

OP, I think you should perhaps ask into requesting that this thread gets taken down before you receive other comments that upset you - I don't think there's been anything horribly outrageous said to you - I've personally had much more shocking things aimed at me on here - but it doesn't sound like you're in the right frame of mind to read (not harsh, IMO) replies. Isn't there a specific dog forum on here? I think they will probably welcome you with open arms and agree with you.

But that literally is the issue. You're complaining about your mums rudeness, but she wasn';t rude to you. You overheard her talking to her own husband about a very strong smell. That's not rude.

In fact you were the rude one to make a big deal out of it.

Thank you. I didn't fully realise how vitriolic this topic was. As I said I fully expected to be told yes I was wrong. I hoped it would help me process. I was wrong!😂

The point was how she tells me to do less and then obviously I should have done more to get the house in a better state for their visit and feeling frustrated at this.

I think YANBU. If MIL walked in to my house expecting hospitality and her first words were “cor it stinks” my first response would be that she would be better suited to going home then. She can’t have it both ways.

And had I not told her I'd heard I'd have been a a wet blanket. It wa affecting our conversation so I needed to clear the air about it

It was rude of your parents to say your house smelled in that wording. Even if it does smell, they should keep it to themselves.

But also I don’t think you’re a sensitive soul, you just say that so you can merrily deflect any criticism, and then cry bullying even when you’re the only one throwing out insults here. Maybe your mum is winding you up, knowing what you’re like. Entire family sounds like hard work.