To be upset my mum's rudeness

[Rainer]

I am a very sensitive soul.I work full time and am a busy mum of 3. We have a short haired dog (and a cat for good measure!). My parents visited this evening and went into the lounge while I held the dog back (they are 70's and 80's and not particularly bouncy dog proof). In there they began to complain to each other about how badly my house smelt (of the dog). In not very hushed tones. This would be fine but my mother is always on at me for working too hard and never resting and it made me feel completely inadequate. To not drip feed I told her I heard and she did apologise as I told her it was hurtful, however that I am too over sensitive. The juxtaposition of how she always tells me to do less, then to complain that I was not keeping on top of housework/ keeping dog fresher was very jarring. Feel free to ignore. I just needed to vent. You will all decide I am quite mad!

Plug-in air freshener at full blast near the front door, turn on before they come. After their first blast of that, they won’t notice so much. Saves you doing extra cleaning to shut them up or having to listen to their complaints

If you are a ‘sensitive soul’ then it’s inevitable that it’s not going to take much to upset you.

Dogs smell. We have one, and it’s why I won’t let them up onto the furniture, because the dog hair gets into everything and makes the smell more noticeable.

Your parents were rude to comment so noticeably.

It sounds like they didn't mean for you to hear. It's not something nice to hear but you weren't meant to. I feel like I'd say similar. We've been looking after my husband's dad's dog for a few hours whilst he goes into hospital and it really stinks the second i open the front door I can smell it and it's only been in about an hour or two. It makes me feel ill. I have to open all the windows.

perhaps mumsnet is not for you?

Op clearly states she struggled with mental health in regards to ptsd.

mumsnet: just be mentally A-ok then!

this place is such a vitriolic crap hole some days.

They were rude, but just honest. People who have dogs have a distinctive smell to their homes. No amount of air freshener, opening of windows or dog washing will work. It's just that 'damp mop' smell that you are no doubt nose blind to.

I will never own a dog for this reason, I hate the smell.

Grow a thicker skin.

Tell her no law says she must visit..

And if you're wrong? How is the second part of your post in any way helpful? Just say the first part and leave it there.

I know and you think your mother was bad OP..
Honestly nothing here will help you. Have a glass of wine and forget it OP although I wouldn't be in a hurry to invite my mother back round (for now)

Rather than getting upset by it take it on board and deal with it.

Nobody wants a house that smells of dog.

I have a dog so I’m sure my house smells of dog (I don’t care, I bought a dog knowing it would make my house smell of dog) and so far (we’ve had him for 14 years) people have managed not to comment on how badly it smells in my earshot so I do think they were a bit insensitive. They should have saved their moans until they’d left.

It was rude, OP.

Houses smelling of
1.cigarettes
1.Dogs

1. air freshener

Are extremely off putting, in that order.

Open all Your doors and windows frequently.
Pay to have your dogs groomed, shampooed and dried regularly.
Arrange to have your carpets cleaned.
Might help a little .

Dogs smell. Cats smell. Horses smell.

I know, I have / have had all of them, and I'm confident that, in spite of my best efforts, my house very rarely (if ever) smells like anything off the front cover of Homes & Gardens magazine.

My friends and family (being my friends and family) will mostly accept it, but I would appreciate them telling me if the house is really stinky, because, as we all know, you can sometimes get a bit nose-blind and I'd rather it came from somebody I love and trust.

Rude but dogs do smell and dog owners houses smell. Your mum should have kept her thoughts to herself.

I have lots of friends with dogs and would never remark on a doggy smell, no wonder you were upset, my mum never criticizes my messy house, she comes over to help me clear up sometimes as she's a lovely person. Your mum was rude in making remarks, you were sensible to get it out in the open. No idea why people think this is ok or justified, seems to be an opportunity to get one up on dog owners.

Sensitive soul or not being in someone’s house and complaining about the organisation / clutter / smell / deco is just bad manners. Very rude of your mother OP.

This

Tbh I clean my floors with a cleaner cocktail lol, spray all the soft furnishings, have plug ins on and wax melt burners on daily, wash my dog twice weekly but still know my house is likely to stink because of the dog.

I'm sorry they spoke like that. I wonder whether they meant you to hear. I would have been inclined to say "so you'll be going, then" in response; alternatively "you'll have had your tea" (as said by Hamish & Dougal). You held your dog back so he/she didn't jump up at them, so you were thoughtful. Your mum is treating you as though you were a still a child, telling you what you should or shouldn't do.

To those who say you can always tell when there's a dog in a house, the same is true of babies, and I don't mean the aroma of talcum powder.

My mum is also a housework martyr. Will spend weeks on high alert for someone 'popping' round.
She's actually pleased that a relative not seen for three years has cancelled a visit because 'its all been a nightmare getting ready and your father does nothing'. (he's 86 and recovering from a stroke). The house was already immaculate, a new kettle was probably not necessary.
But at the same time she will say 'take it easy' 'put your feet up' and 'chill out' but she absolutely doesn't mean it. It's nonsense performance statements.
There's also a massive gender thing going on, DH a hero for putting a plate in the dishwasher, saving her a job, type thing.
In her head, a female neglecting housework is a criticism somehow of her spending so much time on it.

I love my dog and I get far more positive feed back from the hound than my mum, it will be a sad day when the house doesn't stink of her happy, waggy, furry onesie.

Reduce contact a bit, have a post visit rant and get revenge by living well and cooking an extra portion of roast for the dog.

Your house, your dog, your life! If she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to come!

I agree it's rude to loudly say someone's house smells. Instead of feeling hurt, I'd try saying firmly but with a smile 'I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult my house when you come over.'

My mother does the same. I just humour it as tbh, I'd rather have my dog for company than her most of the time.