To be upset my mum's rudeness

[Rainer]

I am a very sensitive soul.I work full time and am a busy mum of 3. We have a short haired dog (and a cat for good measure!). My parents visited this evening and went into the lounge while I held the dog back (they are 70's and 80's and not particularly bouncy dog proof). In there they began to complain to each other about how badly my house smelt (of the dog). In not very hushed tones. This would be fine but my mother is always on at me for working too hard and never resting and it made me feel completely inadequate. To not drip feed I told her I heard and she did apologise as I told her it was hurtful, however that I am too over sensitive. The juxtaposition of how she always tells me to do less, then to complain that I was not keeping on top of housework/ keeping dog fresher was very jarring. Feel free to ignore. I just needed to vent. You will all decide I am quite mad!

YANBU. It's rude. You're also not imagining some of the needlessly mean responses on here.

Thank you. I can't believe some of the people replying on here go to bed feeling they've loved a good and kind life tbh.

Off to buy fabreze...

Yes, houses with dogs smell. I suppose it’s a bit rude of people to comment, but they are your parents. You’ve been very rude to people on this thread, though, so I’m lacking much sympathy.

@HebeSunshine sorry to ambush the thread but what do you mean to move to "chat". Isn't this all a chat forum?

Febreeze??! That won't help. Just accept your home will have a dog smell and that's ok.

It's never nice to hear someone complain about your house, and your mum isn't the most subtle of people. I have dogs and I'm obsessed with making sure my house doesn't smell of dogs, although I'm sure it does. I bought an air purifier recently and it's made a huge difference

You are being really rude OP. Your mum was unkind but thats veen overdhadowed now by you playing a victim on a forum when noone has been unkind to you. People can be blunt yes but you dont need to let it wound you.

That would have enraged me too, OP.

My parents have this way of commenting about my grooming that feels similar to your story, it's just out of order (they comment if I have a facial hair they disapprove of, or my haircut isn't to their liking). Their actual impact is to make me want to avoid seeing them.

Are you the only adult in your household?

Yes, it's rude. But in my opinion, our parents still see us as children, no matter how old we get. The consequence of that is too honest comments, and getting 'told off' 😁

Nothing worse than dog smell with febreeze over the top! Don’t bother.

Several issues here:
It’s not ‘over sensitive’ to get upset about someone saying your house smells. Most people would be upset about that. But dog houses do smell. Just fact. Contrary to what people think, a glade plug-in does not hide this!

‘They are not bouncy dog proof’ means your dog jumps on people. That is horrible. I hate this when I visit people - it is such a disgusting imposition if you don’t want it. Maybe some of their dog antipathy is annoyance about some of this?

Where is the DH or partner in the sensitivity about housework? Why do you consider housework your sole responsibility? Maybe the comment about ‘doing less’ is about him/her stepping up more?

The rolling eyes at how I described myself. If that happened in RL would that be classed as being kind?

The accusation of drip feeding when I tried to explain being over sensitive. Then being told I shouldn't be posting if I have a mental health disorder.

Being told I was rude to my mum for explaining why I was close to tears and unable to properly engage with her.

Another poster saying I am playing victim and am in no way a sensitive soul, having never met me.

A couple telling me I need therapy. I have had this but funds are tight. It was a work related incident and I chose to leave for a new job with a 25% pay cut to try and protect myself when the company were not. So again, not helpful and very unkind.

If anyone said these things to my face it would be confrontational. Why should it be any different on a forum, one where you know and understand people even less than you might do in RL?

Thank you to the posters who simply gave their opinion, agreed or disagreed without making personal comments. I thought it that's what this topic was about.

The comment about myself was supposed to help illustrate that I know I may be over reacting. I have had a horrible gnawing anxiety over this since it happened this afternoon which I have tried not to let overshadow my son's birthday. Which is why I came here to try and make some sense over if I'm utterly insane or not.

Many of you on here think I am, so thanks for that. Most of you missed the point that I felt a bit gaslit - the do less, stop worrying about the house rhetoric from my mum and then coming in and complaining that I haven't done enough housework to try and overcome the smell was the real crux of the matter.

I'll be deactivating my account. I was a regular poster for many years and every so often I pop along hankering over those times. But this was when posters could be blunt, brusk, would usually hit the nail on the head which wasn't always easy to hear, but wouldn't be nasty and unkind for absolutely no reason.

Yes I did get tetchy, because I was shocked at how people responded. I don't think this should shock anyone if they stopped and thought about it.

Yes she does jump up at people. You are quite right. And yes I agree. We have tried to train her out of this with some success but my parents don't help the situation by trying to run past her and shouting at her/refusing to acknowledge her when she is behaving which just makes things worse. My step dad is actually unpleasant to her which obviously she just doesn't understand.

For those asking, no I am not the only adult but we are both shift workers and today my husband finished a night shift and in fact was still in bed. I'd tried to subtly point this out so they could come a little later but it didn't get picked up on.

Please don't ever describe yourself as a sensitive soul. Thats on the same level as saying you are an 'empath' or you have a great sense of humour. Its not a judgement you get to make of yourself. Its for others to decide.

Something you're in no danger of being accused of 😬

It's not something I go round saying generally. It's what I am often told, especially by my mum who said it this afternoon, when I spoke to her about it

So your dogs jump up at people, clawing at their clothes, potentially tearing the fabric with their claws and/or also scratching their skin? It seems like you're making a lot of excuses for this OP and turned this thread into something it wasn't in the first place. You started with that your parents were being mean to you and your dog because they said your dog smelled and made your house smell but later you've said your dog jumps up at people involuntarily and you can't stop it from doing it. I would not like to be jumped on by a dog if I visited a person, even if the person was my child.

“Yes she does jump up at people. You are quite right. And yes I agree. We have tried to train her out of this with some success but my parents don't help the situation by trying to run past her and shouting at her/refusing to acknowledge her when she is behaving which just makes things worse. My step dad is actually unpleasant to her which obviously she just doesn't understand.”

Sorry but this is so annoying. Adult humans shouldn’t have to appease an animal to not be molested by it. The dog should be trained do as its told. Me and my DC were made to ‘acknowledge’ a snarling, jumping, barking dog at relatives of ours and I resented it and hated going there. I think the ‘dog smell’ issue is just the top of the iceberg here. Your mother is communicating how unwelcome they are made at your house.

Typical of a lot of parents: say whatever they like & then tell you you're 'over sensitive' when you say anything back!!
I'll bet they've always been like this too.
YANBU

My Mums house stinks of dogs and fags but I never comment on it. Your parents know you have a dog and must have been to your house many times, so they know it's smells doggy. It's hardly a surprise.

Freaking hell its just a turn of phrase calm yourself down. Wow OP what a hornets nest of crazy you opened, some people SMH. To actually answer your post, from what you said your mum said, I dont think she was somehow implying you weren't doing enough housework. To say that a house with a dog smells of dog is just reality and as you said they don't like the dog so clearly it's just an extra dig at that. I do think you are reading too much into it. They're in their 70s+ may I ask do they say other things in "not so hushed tones" ? Because that's just indicative of age and again I don't think that's personal to you. Old people do just be saying whatever on their minds
Let it go and move on. From them and all this intense judgement

From someone who literally came on here to offer zero advice and then tells the op they need therapy! I think you may have your own issues.

Hopefully op a few dog lovers will pick up your post and be way more helpful!

yoyr house stinks and she told you
she’s your mum not a random if she’s noticed so will everyone else just they don’t say she’s done u a favour

Assuming that you have a good relationship with your mum, that she loves you and you love her, I think that her commenting - privately, not expecting you to overhear, to her husband - on the fact that your house smells strongly of dog is not something to be upset about.

I do think, if those around you are having to justify, explain and apologise for perfectly normal family interactions, on a regular basis, that that must be quite wearing for them.

My response would be 'feel free to give her a bath, I'm too busy this week.'

Yes, from the title I thought it’d be much worse. Your living room probably does stink but you’ve gotten used to it.

I am not sure but I think it makes a difference if your dog is let out a lot - do you have a garden? I have limited (forgotten the word!) with dogs, but it is very noticeable those that hardloy got out (I am assuming the dog is walked?), Those I do know that don't have a garden and mostly sit on the sofa on the same cushion are pongy.