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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the Royal Family deserve bereavement leave just like every other person in the country?

94 replies

Akiddleydiveytoo · 12/09/2022 16:26

Does anyone else feel a little uneasy about the number of duties and the amount of public appearances the Royal Family (and Charles in particular) are having to go through in the glare of the world's media so soon after the passing of their mother.

The Queen hadn't been dead 24hrs before Charles was at the gates of Buckingham Palace having to shake hands with hundreds of people, with thousands of camera phones shoved in his face, dozens of TV cameras pointed at him and probably hundreds of millions of people watching him around the world.

Since then he's had to record a televised speech, greet all sorts of people at Buckingham Palace, address Parliament walk behind his mother's coffin in a funeral cortege, attend countless ceremonial duties and he's soon to be off on a tour of the 4 nations.

The Queen's other children and Grandchildren have also had to do walk abouts, chat to crowds and have TV cameras thrust in their faces at every opportunity and all when their probably going through the worst time in their lives. I know when I lost my mother, just going to the supermarket to make sure I had enough tea and biscuits for visitors felt overwhelming.

I understand why the Royal Family are doing what they are doing as they were stung badly by the publics reaction to Diana's death so they feel as though it is their duty to be 'seen' to act as a comfort to the country but is it really their job to comfort us when they are the ones who have lost their Mother/Grandmother? Surely it should be the other way around.

In no other job in the UK would an employer expect you to return to work within 24 hours of losing a parent. And it's not even just returning to work - it's returning to work with a massive promotion, many more responsibilities and expectations whilst, the whole time, every move, word and gesture you make is being watched and analysed and broadcast to hundreds of millions of people world wide.

It's inhuman and my heart breaks for the Royal Family (and Charles in particular) every time I see them paraded around for the amusement of the baying crowds.

In no other walk of life would you have crowds cheering and congratulating you on the death of a parent.

I know all of this succession stuff needs to be done but does it really need to be done this week? Can't it wait at least until after the funeral? The country isn't going to fall over if we don't have a RF for 10 days - hell, we've just gone 8 weeks without a government so I think we'll be fine for 10 days without a new King.

In any other job in the country you would be entitled to bereavement leave following the death of a parent grandparent so why does that not apply to the RF. And by bereavement leave I mean no public appearances no official duties, no affairs of state, no 'meeting and greeting', no ceremonial duties - just 10 days of complete privacy for them to mourn the loss of their loved one in their own ways. Everything else can wait.

OP posts:
Meseekslookatme · 12/09/2022 18:54

Comedycook · 12/09/2022 16:32

In no other job do you get several palaces and country estates to live on, all bills paid, servants to do everything for you etc etc

Therefore yabu.

Generally you aren't expected to work until 96 and perform duties 2 days before you die either.

Manshutupp · 12/09/2022 19:02

@Meseekslookatme the benefits (in their eyes) must outweigh the negatives otherwise they would have packed it all in decades ago.

The Royal Family aren’t doing us a favour by living in palaces and castles and doing charity appearances and meet and greets.

Meseekslookatme · 12/09/2022 19:13

Manshutupp · 12/09/2022 19:02

@Meseekslookatme the benefits (in their eyes) must outweigh the negatives otherwise they would have packed it all in decades ago.

The Royal Family aren’t doing us a favour by living in palaces and castles and doing charity appearances and meet and greets.

She was sticking by her words...

"I declare before you all that my whole life whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong"

I wonder how often she threw sickies?
I'd be bored out of my fucking brain watching kids singing day in day out, cutting ribbons and cakes before being hurried along to the next bullshit occasion, constant correspondence, smiling and being polite to fuckwits like Trump...

I'd never swap places and I don't envy them.
Those lovely palaces and jewellery etc? They don't belong to them. It's all borrowed. Belongs to the crown.

Nah. Screw that.

JamSandle · 12/09/2022 19:59

I absolutely agree. They are human with an entitlement to their grief.

When my mother passed away, I was off work for a while before I was ready to go back.

autocollantes · 12/09/2022 20:01

I actually feel most sorry for Princess Anne. Charles: lost mother and became the King. Has been warmly welcomed as such.
Edward and Andrew: lost their mother and have had a few public engagements inbetween when they went home
Anne: lost her mother, stayed with her body in Balmoral, followed behind the hearse for six hours - imagine actually following your mothers coffin while being viewed by the public for hours. Arrived in Holyrood after journey with cameras on her as coffin enters building, then next day she's on the Royal Mile and tonight with siblings will be standing guard for some time.

While the men all got breaks or somewhat of a "bonus" of being welcomed as king. what she's been doing has been quite relentless in a heavier way. She's a very strong woman and I can well believe she's willing and up to it, nevertheless, it's heavy what she's been doing. I hope she gets to go home next week and fall apart/go on long rides/watch crap on Netflix.

Whatsthepointofmosquitos · 12/09/2022 20:04

Yanbu, it’s uncomfortable to watch. Especially the amount of walking Charles is expected to do. Yes I know some people are very active in their seventies but many aren’t. I hope he’s ok.

Comedycook · 12/09/2022 20:08

Whatsthepointofmosquitos · 12/09/2022 20:04

Yanbu, it’s uncomfortable to watch. Especially the amount of walking Charles is expected to do. Yes I know some people are very active in their seventies but many aren’t. I hope he’s ok.

Don't talk daft

TarasHarp55 · 12/09/2022 20:15

Meseekslookatme · 12/09/2022 18:54

Generally you aren't expected to work until 96 and perform duties 2 days before you die either.

She didn't have to though did she. She obviously enjoyed it, kept her active. Probably why she lived so long. A very fortunate woman. But let's not forget, she had servants attending to her every need. Most 96 year olds don't get looked after like that, with their own doctor on call too.

Ffsmakeitstop · 12/09/2022 20:29

.She didn't have to though did she. She obviously enjoyed it, kept her active. Probably why she lived so long. A very fortunate woman. But let's not forget, she had servants attending to her every need. Most 96 year olds don't get looked after like that, with their own doctor on call too.

So many pp saying "ooh I couldn't do it" well sorry to be the bearer of bad news but any one of them could give it all up including the "borrowed" palaces and jewels.

Some of the palaces and jewels belong to the state. What exactly does that mean? It certainly doesn't mean I could stay in a palace or borrow a tia

Ffsmakeitstop · 12/09/2022 20:30

Tiara ffs

LampLighter414 · 12/09/2022 20:33

They have leave about half the year anyway, that’s if you view what they do as work in the first as place

Namenic · 12/09/2022 20:45

it Is kinda part and parcel of it. But - I don’t envy him. He is not young and although he has lots of assistants, not many 73 year olds will manage as packed a schedule. There is a lot of scrutiny on them. People say cruel things about them on social media - which can’t be nice for mental health. I’m not saying they’re the most unfortunate people, but I just wouldn’t really want to be them.

Justcallmebebes · 12/09/2022 20:54

That's the nature of the job. With great privilege comes great responsibility

bellac11 · 12/09/2022 21:00

Ffsmakeitstop · 12/09/2022 20:29

.She didn't have to though did she. She obviously enjoyed it, kept her active. Probably why she lived so long. A very fortunate woman. But let's not forget, she had servants attending to her every need. Most 96 year olds don't get looked after like that, with their own doctor on call too.

So many pp saying "ooh I couldn't do it" well sorry to be the bearer of bad news but any one of them could give it all up including the "borrowed" palaces and jewels.

Some of the palaces and jewels belong to the state. What exactly does that mean? It certainly doesn't mean I could stay in a palace or borrow a tia

Well it means it belongs to the state rather than them as people. They get the use of it because of the role they're in.

I suppose they wont or cant refuse to do it because of this sense of duty they have. Certainly for the queen anyway because of the anger her family felt at her uncle for abdicating rather than putting the job first.

LibbyOTV · 12/09/2022 21:04

Yes. Take as much leave as you want Royals. Actually, just step back totally from the monarchy so we can stop all being subjects and be citizens in a country where everyone is equal? That would be great :D

Tiredmum100 · 12/09/2022 21:10

I agree. I felt sorry for him today. All these events, when do they have time to eat!

HorribleHerstory · 12/09/2022 21:15

Please tell me how everyone is entitled to bereavement leave? I’ve never had a single day of bereavement leave despite having lost all my grandparents, both my parents (young, before most of the grandparents) an uncle, a cousin, a best friend and two babies old enough for burial but not old enough for birth certificates.

I’ve never heard the term bereavement leave until today

Blossomtoes · 12/09/2022 21:24

I had a week’s compassionate leave when my dad died. It was pretty obvious that I was in no fit state to be at work and if it hadn’t been granted I’d have just gone sick.

carefullycourageous · 12/09/2022 21:28

HorribleHerstory · 12/09/2022 21:15

Please tell me how everyone is entitled to bereavement leave? I’ve never had a single day of bereavement leave despite having lost all my grandparents, both my parents (young, before most of the grandparents) an uncle, a cousin, a best friend and two babies old enough for burial but not old enough for birth certificates.

I’ve never heard the term bereavement leave until today

Firstly I am sorry for all your losses Flowers

Here is some information about bereavement leave www.acas.org.uk/time-off-for-bereavement - note it does not say it has to be paid.

Many big organisations do pay bereavement leave or compassionate leave.

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