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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the Royal Family deserve bereavement leave just like every other person in the country?

94 replies

Akiddleydiveytoo · 12/09/2022 16:26

Does anyone else feel a little uneasy about the number of duties and the amount of public appearances the Royal Family (and Charles in particular) are having to go through in the glare of the world's media so soon after the passing of their mother.

The Queen hadn't been dead 24hrs before Charles was at the gates of Buckingham Palace having to shake hands with hundreds of people, with thousands of camera phones shoved in his face, dozens of TV cameras pointed at him and probably hundreds of millions of people watching him around the world.

Since then he's had to record a televised speech, greet all sorts of people at Buckingham Palace, address Parliament walk behind his mother's coffin in a funeral cortege, attend countless ceremonial duties and he's soon to be off on a tour of the 4 nations.

The Queen's other children and Grandchildren have also had to do walk abouts, chat to crowds and have TV cameras thrust in their faces at every opportunity and all when their probably going through the worst time in their lives. I know when I lost my mother, just going to the supermarket to make sure I had enough tea and biscuits for visitors felt overwhelming.

I understand why the Royal Family are doing what they are doing as they were stung badly by the publics reaction to Diana's death so they feel as though it is their duty to be 'seen' to act as a comfort to the country but is it really their job to comfort us when they are the ones who have lost their Mother/Grandmother? Surely it should be the other way around.

In no other job in the UK would an employer expect you to return to work within 24 hours of losing a parent. And it's not even just returning to work - it's returning to work with a massive promotion, many more responsibilities and expectations whilst, the whole time, every move, word and gesture you make is being watched and analysed and broadcast to hundreds of millions of people world wide.

It's inhuman and my heart breaks for the Royal Family (and Charles in particular) every time I see them paraded around for the amusement of the baying crowds.

In no other walk of life would you have crowds cheering and congratulating you on the death of a parent.

I know all of this succession stuff needs to be done but does it really need to be done this week? Can't it wait at least until after the funeral? The country isn't going to fall over if we don't have a RF for 10 days - hell, we've just gone 8 weeks without a government so I think we'll be fine for 10 days without a new King.

In any other job in the country you would be entitled to bereavement leave following the death of a parent grandparent so why does that not apply to the RF. And by bereavement leave I mean no public appearances no official duties, no affairs of state, no 'meeting and greeting', no ceremonial duties - just 10 days of complete privacy for them to mourn the loss of their loved one in their own ways. Everything else can wait.

OP posts:
CampRedLeaf · 12/09/2022 16:31

I agree it is uncomfortable to see.

I suppose its a bit like when you need to go to a relatives funeral and say thank you to all those people who turned up. Even though you have no idea who they are or how they knew your relative.

Everyone is different though. I know when I have lost family members I was glad in someways to have something else to think about and focus on at that time. I dealt with my grief of losing my sibling by throwing myself into a new job.

35965a · 12/09/2022 16:31

I see your point but it’s not a ‘normal’ job and they don’t want to be seen as normal - they want to be seen as different (and ‘royal’). I also think if you’re doing to be a leader you have to take the responsibility that comes with that and that includes doing what you’ve got to do even when you don’t want to do it.

SleeplessInEngland · 12/09/2022 16:32

The transition doesn't seem healthy, but then little of the royal family seems healthy. It's a guilded cage.

lilaccottagegarden · 12/09/2022 16:32

No one is entitled to bereavement leave.

Comedycook · 12/09/2022 16:32

In no other job do you get several palaces and country estates to live on, all bills paid, servants to do everything for you etc etc

Therefore yabu.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 12/09/2022 16:33

I see what you are saying. I guess it's the flip side of all the privileges they enjoy as a result of their position.

Whataretheodds · 12/09/2022 16:36

The thing is, if you believe in having a RF then you accept that they are different and special.

What Charles hasn't had to do is stand in a queue at a registry office, or cancel the Sky, or contact funeral directors, or do the ring round to let people know, or make/order sandwiches for the wake. He didn't even have to move his own inkpot after signing the Accession Proclamation - he called (rather curtly) for an aide to do it.

He also won't have to pay inheritance tax and hasn't been taxed on his income in the same way that ordinary mortals are.

Of course, that doesn't compensate for emotional loss, and I agree his schedule looks exhausting and unenviable, but i don't think most of us get 10 days of complete privacy just to mourn.

Figgygal · 12/09/2022 16:36

I'm feeling very sorry for all of them paraded like show ponies under the glare of not only media bit everyone's smart phones
But equally this is the job isn't it? They are ripped to shreds when not visible im sure they're finding comfort at quieter times

NoSquirrels · 12/09/2022 16:36

Once the funeral is done, they will have a week privately with no official duties to mourn within the family.

I don’t honestly think we can compare the experience of grief. They knew this would be required of them, they’ve known it for a long time. I strongly suspect they are getting comfort from acting as their mother/grandmother would want.

That is not to minimise their personal grief, which I’m sure is as raw and deeply felt as anyone else’s. But just as nobody should expect anyone bereaved to act in any particular way, I think this applies here.

bellac11 · 12/09/2022 16:37

I agree with what you say OP but although I knew it before, this situation has really made me see just how different these people are, they have completely abnormal, captive lives. They are trained from birth in what they do, its nothing like the average head of state that non monarchy countries have and some of this has made me re think my anti monarchy views, imagine the difference between someone like her (or him) and someone like Trump or Johnson

Having said that I still never understand why there needs to be a head of state, why cant you just have a government in and of itself, anyway thats by the by but yes I agree with you about the lack of humanity in some of the processes that they have to engage with.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 12/09/2022 16:40

I agree, I can’t imagine how tough it must be not to have time to grieve privately but to have to immediately undertake ceremonial, state and constitutional duties. I think it must be very hard for all the immediate family too.
it’s all very well having wealth, country estates and palaces but they’re still human beings, with families and feelings.
Stiff upper lips are all very well but I wouldn’t be able to do it and I bet that applies to most MNetters.

TarasHarp55 · 12/09/2022 16:42

Sorry I can't muster up much sympathy. We all have to go through losing a parent, people struggle with far worse stuff....I think their huge wealth and privilege compensates. After all they could step down if they wanted to be out of the limelight. Too lucrative I suppose.

Comedycook · 12/09/2022 16:43

Lots of ordinary people don't get time to grieve.

When my dad died I had to register his death...estate agents came round the day after as we had to sell the house and pay shit loads of inheritance tax. We had to organise a funeral...clear the house, cancel the bills in his name, tell the bank and the pension people etc etc. Then I had to go back to my 9-5 office job.

So no, I won't be worrying too much about the royals

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 12/09/2022 16:44

@Whataretheodds "What Charles hasn't had to do is stand in a queue at a registry office, or cancel the Sky, or contact funeral directors, or do the ring round to let people know, or make/order sandwiches for the wake. He didn't even have to move his own inkpot after signing the Accession Proclamation - he called (rather curtly) for an aide to do it."

This is a really excellent point. The RF will be spared many many many of the things that make the greiving process difficult for "normal" people in return for their carefully planned public appearances.

MarshaBradyo · 12/09/2022 16:44

There’s ups and downs for members of RF

On balance I’d feel moved by the huge effort everyone puts in for a family member to recognise and mourn a long life

SettingPrecedents · 12/09/2022 16:48

I get what you mean, and I do feel for them, but you can’t compare it to a normal job. This is part of the privilege, it’s the gilded cage that some of them have fought against. It’s more comparable to me being bereaved and still having to be up playing with my toddler at 5am - it’s the life they’re in. And bear in mind everything happening has been in place for hundreds of years, the last time it happened was 70 years ago, mental health considerations haven’t previously existed. Maybe they will in the future.

maddening · 12/09/2022 16:48

He doesn't have to, he could choose to leave his royal position, all this is his choice imo.

LemonMuffins · 12/09/2022 16:51

I found the phones being shoved in his face really disrespectful.

LaurieFairyCake · 12/09/2022 16:54

I think this week looks incredibly hard for them Sad

I could never have seen the hundreds of people he has personally spoken to and said the same thing over and over

He must be so completely exhausted Sad

Hmmph · 12/09/2022 16:54

Sadly there is no automatic right to bereavement leave. If you're lucky, your employer gives you a week off.

I feel dreadfully sad for her family, but also this is their version of the keeping busy bit that actually helps a bit with the raw grief.

edwinbear · 12/09/2022 16:54

It's not any other job though is it. I agree it's not something I'd like to do and I think they way they have all carried themselves has been inspirational and certainly a credit to the Queen - who I'm sure would be very proud. But it's one of the downsides of the job I think - alongside the huge privilege they also enjoy.

BudgetBlast · 12/09/2022 16:58

It is a very demanding role and one that is very difficult to back out of due to the weight of expectation being on you but so far Charles is doing well.

Siepie · 12/09/2022 17:04

It's the flip side of the life they lead. If you want the public to fund your extravagant lifestyle, you've got to be a public figure.

Anon1224 · 12/09/2022 17:04

It must be hard for them, but surely the reason for "parading around" is not actually for our benefit but to secure the succession? Historically it would have confirmed the heir as monarch before rival claimants got a look in, and today it establishes Charles as king before the republicans have a chance to propose to monarchy ends with QEII.

MarshaBradyo · 12/09/2022 17:04

I think a lot of how they prepare the first in line is in mind with the moment of bereavement and how they’ll need to bear the weight of it

Each of them will go through it and see the responsibility and prepare next in line

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