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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the Royal Family deserve bereavement leave just like every other person in the country?

94 replies

Akiddleydiveytoo · 12/09/2022 16:26

Does anyone else feel a little uneasy about the number of duties and the amount of public appearances the Royal Family (and Charles in particular) are having to go through in the glare of the world's media so soon after the passing of their mother.

The Queen hadn't been dead 24hrs before Charles was at the gates of Buckingham Palace having to shake hands with hundreds of people, with thousands of camera phones shoved in his face, dozens of TV cameras pointed at him and probably hundreds of millions of people watching him around the world.

Since then he's had to record a televised speech, greet all sorts of people at Buckingham Palace, address Parliament walk behind his mother's coffin in a funeral cortege, attend countless ceremonial duties and he's soon to be off on a tour of the 4 nations.

The Queen's other children and Grandchildren have also had to do walk abouts, chat to crowds and have TV cameras thrust in their faces at every opportunity and all when their probably going through the worst time in their lives. I know when I lost my mother, just going to the supermarket to make sure I had enough tea and biscuits for visitors felt overwhelming.

I understand why the Royal Family are doing what they are doing as they were stung badly by the publics reaction to Diana's death so they feel as though it is their duty to be 'seen' to act as a comfort to the country but is it really their job to comfort us when they are the ones who have lost their Mother/Grandmother? Surely it should be the other way around.

In no other job in the UK would an employer expect you to return to work within 24 hours of losing a parent. And it's not even just returning to work - it's returning to work with a massive promotion, many more responsibilities and expectations whilst, the whole time, every move, word and gesture you make is being watched and analysed and broadcast to hundreds of millions of people world wide.

It's inhuman and my heart breaks for the Royal Family (and Charles in particular) every time I see them paraded around for the amusement of the baying crowds.

In no other walk of life would you have crowds cheering and congratulating you on the death of a parent.

I know all of this succession stuff needs to be done but does it really need to be done this week? Can't it wait at least until after the funeral? The country isn't going to fall over if we don't have a RF for 10 days - hell, we've just gone 8 weeks without a government so I think we'll be fine for 10 days without a new King.

In any other job in the country you would be entitled to bereavement leave following the death of a parent grandparent so why does that not apply to the RF. And by bereavement leave I mean no public appearances no official duties, no affairs of state, no 'meeting and greeting', no ceremonial duties - just 10 days of complete privacy for them to mourn the loss of their loved one in their own ways. Everything else can wait.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 12/09/2022 17:59

Of course I empathise with them, BUT it is the very core of their duties to provide continuity of The Crown. The Queen is dead, long live The King. There is no break.

Dont forget they have always known this was expected of them. The Queen herself took up her duties despite her deep grief for her father. In carrying out their duties they honour her.

Comedycook · 12/09/2022 18:00

Absolutely amazing that one family can live in absolute opulence and luxury and so many of the public are not only fine with this but actually feel sorry for them.

Talk about drinking the kool aid.

eldora · 12/09/2022 18:03

Comedycook · 12/09/2022 18:00

Absolutely amazing that one family can live in absolute opulence and luxury and so many of the public are not only fine with this but actually feel sorry for them.

Talk about drinking the kool aid.

Oh no, her heart is breaking for Charles, Camilla, Willian and Kate.

carefullycourageous · 12/09/2022 18:05

BMW6 · 12/09/2022 17:59

Of course I empathise with them, BUT it is the very core of their duties to provide continuity of The Crown. The Queen is dead, long live The King. There is no break.

Dont forget they have always known this was expected of them. The Queen herself took up her duties despite her deep grief for her father. In carrying out their duties they honour her.

'The Queen is dead, please be aware The Prince is on bereavement leave and will return on 25th September' doesn't have the same ring to it.

MarshaBradyo · 12/09/2022 18:10

BMW6 · 12/09/2022 17:59

Of course I empathise with them, BUT it is the very core of their duties to provide continuity of The Crown. The Queen is dead, long live The King. There is no break.

Dont forget they have always known this was expected of them. The Queen herself took up her duties despite her deep grief for her father. In carrying out their duties they honour her.

It really is a key part of who they are, they can’t leave out this part

Whataretheodds · 12/09/2022 18:18

But he's the King - he only "has to" do all of these engagements "because he wants to be King".

He could choose not to do half of them and the monarchy would take on a different shape. He could choose not to be King and not do any of them. He's certainly had time to decide.

I keep hearing about this wonderful life of service, but i don't know who is served by the service. Most of the engagements carried out by 'hardworking royals' aren't necessary.

We've had austerity, Brexit, massive corruption and desecration of democratic controls, and we're threatened with the dismantling of the HRA, and having a 'strong and constant' monarchy hasn't prevented any of it.

Yes i find it grotesque that cameras are shoved in his face the day after his mother died. But then i find the whole thing sort of grotesque.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 12/09/2022 18:18

If you want to feel sorry for anyone in the RF, feel sorry for William and Harry as small boys who were forced to publically take part in their mother's funeral. A decision the King no doubt played a part in.

bellac11 · 12/09/2022 18:18

carefullycourageous · 12/09/2022 18:05

'The Queen is dead, please be aware The Prince is on bereavement leave and will return on 25th September' doesn't have the same ring to it.

If your query is urgent, please slip a note under the door at Balmoral.

user1471505494 · 12/09/2022 18:33

This is what duty and service to your country means. This is what Charles has been brought up and trained to do and he is doing it magnificently.

Manshutupp · 12/09/2022 18:35

They made William and Harry do it as children who lost their young mother, not a 96 year old woman.

Dems the rules.

Pedallleur · 12/09/2022 18:36

Its just the job they do. Transition is supposed to be seamless. But as they go through the funeral it's odd that William will be watching what his father is doing/ going through as he will have to do it when Charles dies.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 12/09/2022 18:40

Comedycook · 12/09/2022 18:00

Absolutely amazing that one family can live in absolute opulence and luxury and so many of the public are not only fine with this but actually feel sorry for them.

Talk about drinking the kool aid.

No, not ‘drinking the koolaid’ merely having empathy for them.
I am older, wiser and clearly more compassionate than many on here.
Thank goodness for that, it’s a sad day when such qualities are clearly absent in many posters on here.

vickibee · 12/09/2022 18:42

There is nothing in law entitling you to bereavement leave. I lost my dh last July and my employer was bAdgering me to go back. I was told to be more resilient as we all lose loved ones. I had to submit sick notes from my GP with grief written down as an illness, I left soon after the funeral. I had been there ten years as well so a loyal employee who was rarely off work.

Manshutupp · 12/09/2022 18:42

@YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp No one makes them do all this. They do it out of ‘duty’ ie to stay in favour, protect the crown /their lifestyle and position.

bellac11 · 12/09/2022 18:45

Pedallleur · 12/09/2022 18:36

Its just the job they do. Transition is supposed to be seamless. But as they go through the funeral it's odd that William will be watching what his father is doing/ going through as he will have to do it when Charles dies.

Well its very advantageous, the queen didnt have this modelled for her.

bellac11 · 12/09/2022 18:46

I meant to say the King didnt have this modelled for him, he wasnt born when she did all this

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 12/09/2022 18:47

Manshutupp · 12/09/2022 18:42

@YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp No one makes them do all this. They do it out of ‘duty’ ie to stay in favour, protect the crown /their lifestyle and position.

As it has ever been until Harry opted out.
I never said they had to do it, it’s the lack of empathy that’s unpleasant to read on here.
By all means be anti monarchy and the establishment, but surely have some compassion for those who are grieving whether royalty or not?

Motnight · 12/09/2022 18:47

vickibee · 12/09/2022 18:42

There is nothing in law entitling you to bereavement leave. I lost my dh last July and my employer was bAdgering me to go back. I was told to be more resilient as we all lose loved ones. I had to submit sick notes from my GP with grief written down as an illness, I left soon after the funeral. I had been there ten years as well so a loyal employee who was rarely off work.

That is awful @vivickibee . I am sorry for your loss

Blossomtoes · 12/09/2022 18:47

I agree @Akiddleydiveytoo. It’s brutal. I feel so sorry for the King.

deedledeedledum · 12/09/2022 18:47

I disagree. It's tough but they are royals. They live a life of stability and privilege. That comes with a cost. Privacy and things like this period of mourning

CapMarvel · 12/09/2022 18:48

If they don't like the very few responsibilities they have for a life of complete privilege they are very welcome to renouce it all.

KenzosFlower · 12/09/2022 18:50

They can bow out of public life. They choose to stay.
I'd rather be rid of the lot of them.

AIMummy · 12/09/2022 18:50

Manshutupp · 12/09/2022 18:35

They made William and Harry do it as children who lost their young mother, not a 96 year old woman.

Dems the rules.

Indeed.

crumpet · 12/09/2022 18:51

This is how it is done. They will understand this, and have known the plans for transition for a long time. I am sure they will take time afterwards to process and grieve.

crumpet · 12/09/2022 18:52

And I respect them for doing it so flawlessly so far.