To think if you can’t reverse, then take a different route, or take lessons?

[SavoirFlair]

As part of my hobby I have to drive a trailer and a large vehicle. I live in the suburbs/ countryside, have done for 10 years or so. My road is a typical single track lane but which carries a fair bit of traffic towards the main road if your nav or route takes you here.

in the last few years I have become seriously frustrated seeing the number of drivers, weirdly mainly female like me, who just totally refuse to reverse back into the passing space behind them. Like, a passing space that is a few car lengths behind them!

I have a trailer attached, I have no usable rear mirror, and my passing space is 1 or 2 mins reversing length. Yet they just sit there, staring ahead, refusing to help.

Most times I just reverse - brag alert, I love driving and I think I’m good enough at reversing a trailer that I can do it and get to the space. But this is not the point - convention, driving rules, whatever, all state that I shouldn’t have to reverse that length , with cars forced to back up behind me.

the latest standoff happened Saturday morning - this time though I had four cars behind me, this driver (same age as me I reckon, late 40s) had none , passing space as usual is a few car lengths behind.

She stares, usual gesturing, only this time I get out and ask her “can I help guide you?”

Mouthful of abuse! “You could have seen I was coming, why can’t you move over”

Move over WHERE? We are hemmed in by a ditch and then a hedge!

Then imploring me to back up!

In the end I offered to reverse her car for her which gave her the hump, so she started reversing.

Oh my god. The weaving and dancing down what is a few metres of road…

so AIBU, why can’t folk reverse their vehicles and/or refuse to in simple situations?

this isn’t just a rural thing either - when I’m in London for work, the folk who won’t reverse a couple of feet into the space in the parked cars on either side, but expect me to reverse a whole street length back to the entrance…

Why can’t people REVERSE?!

Having grown up driving narrow lanes we all learned to reverse but also to take note of passing places as you drive along the road especially if it's a new or unfamiliar route.

I think using mirrors is key, but surely that is taught for reverse park and reversing around a corner? (I actually can't reverse by looking through the back window tho!)

Im actually quite happy to reverse to show that I bloody well can, but obviously it's a different story with a trailer on. Agree it's annoying when people don't give you space to reverse especially when it's dark and their bright lights dazzle you making it hard to see your mirrors.

Ugh, I had this with a giant trailer attached to my car in a village street and cars parked on both sides making it one way - the road was clear when I started down the street but a man drove straight towards me and then glared and pointed back behind me to tell me to move my giant truck and trailer back across a busy crossroads when he had a car-sized space just behind him. I refused. Apparently he thought I should have somehow pulled into a car-sized space on the side of the road even though my trailer was double the length of it, so had decided I had ignored a space where I could get out of his way! I sat in my giant truck and waited until he got the message that I wasn’t moving.

In this type of situation, however, the driver is more often than not a woman.

Don't you reverse into parking spaces?

Yep, I'm at least the second best reverser in the family. One son is possibly better but maybe not. The other adult son and my husband are very mediocre. Nothing to do with sex

I live in the countryside and this is so common. I’ve had to reverse for long distances including uphill because people can’t or won’t do it, even if it’s a short distance. It’s ridiculous. Although I am an expert reverser now!

I would say to all the nervous but willing reversers on here please don’t worry about not being good at it. Its the refusing to try that is the problem. I also regularly tow on narrow country lanes and may have a little chuckle and comment to my passenger that you’re not from ‘around here’ but am not cross about it. As several have said if you haven’t had much practice its difficult. I am very grateful you’ve done it as while mostly, but not always, it would be possible for me to reverse it is a very slow process!

Refusing to try just shows ignorance though. I just smile sweetly and shrug my shoulders until they get the message I’m not moving. Luckily this doesn’t happen too often with most people looking a bit worried but coping.

@PizzaFunghi and anyone else who struggles, as you say the only way to get good at it is practice. So when you’re in the situation, just take your time, go slowly and reverse. The worst that can happen is that you screw it up and have to start again, but the driver in front of you will (in most cases) appreciate the effort and not hassle you. If you just sit there and say it’s too hard or hope the other person will reverse even further, then you won’t ever learn to do it and it is a really useful skill to have. Just go slowly, use your mirrors and you’ll get there. It’s one of those things that you build up in your head into something, but in reality all drivers have been there at some point.

P.S if you’re name refers to Dr Oetker then it is absolutely the best pizza ever

I'm a brilliant reverser if I do say so myself. I love it when people refuse to reverse then I can show off my skills. I agree that people should avoid narrow roads if they can't reverse. They should probably avoid driving but I suspect that would be a bit severe.

I love seeing the look of resignation in the eyes of (some) male drivers in big vehicles when we meet in a narrow road. I know they are thinking 'oh no woman driver' then I speed away in reverse like a demon.
I once had to reverse a long way when I met a police car. Their passing place was way closer than mine. It looked like a patrol car so maybe they weren't advanced drivers.

Oh yes I had this when in a horse drawn carriage.

Transit van could have reversed less than a vehicle length to a gateway but refused.

I was groom/backstep so I got down and asked him to back up. He refused, despite me explaining that we can't reverse (more than a few steps) and it was too narrow to turn.

We had to unhitch, turn pony and carriage separately, take them back down the lane to let him pass, turn back round and rehitch. All while the pony became increasingly impatient and confused.

This is on a very quiet lane, where you rarely meet any traffic except occasional farm vehicles, cyclists, walkers and horse riders.

But that's ridiculous and not a safe approach to driving. It's not a moral issue. Which vehicle can more safely and conveniently reverse is what you should be considering.

I agree in principle, however, if it's that two normal sized vehicles can pass without a passing space, and it's your larger vehicle & trailer that mean extra width is needed, then the onus is on you to reverse imho.

You would be getting my husband’s newspaper treatment.

I agree - and surely when you are driving down a single track road you should note the location of passing places as you pass them in case you have to reverse back later. If there hasn’t been one for ages then the other person likely needs to reverse as nearer.

But the person not reversing should also remember that a little patience and politeness goes a long way - I saw someone whizzing towards me on a narrow lane yesterday so reversed back to the passing place (about 10 metres or so behind me). They didn’t even slow down, just kept on coming and shot past me at about 40 miles an hour while I was still only halfway in with my bonnet swung out

So maybe I should have stopped and waited in the middle of the road for a bit to get them to slow down!

This is the reason Mumsnet should have a like button.
I live rurally and on many single track roads face exactly the same problem, I drive a small bus occasionally for work and the number of people who want me to reverse is insane.... they are usually locals too, who drive the roads regularly. I find elderly men are the worst offenders.

People are too insulated (literally and figuratively) from driving. As cars have become safer and safer some people have 'checked out' from driving. Refusing to take any responsibility for the fact they are in charge of over a tonne of killing machine. "Oh I can't park/ reverse /
drive at night/ narrow country roads / handle corners" haha silly me.

Maybe statiscally they are? I know plenty of older women who drive a lot less because they only drive when they're alone, as soon as their husband is with them, he drives. Less practice means being less capable. I don't see this behaviour as much with middle aged or younger women.

@NotLactoseFree learner drivers can go on the motorway with an instructor in a dual control car. Changed in 2018.

AloysiusBear · Yesterday 11:00
I agree in principle, however, if it's that two normal sized vehicles can pass without a passing space, and it's your larger vehicle & trailer that mean extra width is needed, then the onus is on you to reverse imho.

If you are driving a larger vehicle (I'm presuming you are meaning a lorry) or towing a trailer then reversing is doubly difficult and also potentially more dangerous. That doesn't mean that those of us driving these set ups can't reverse - generally we are pretty competent because we've had to have additional instruction and take additional tests etc - but it is most definitely harder than reversing your average hatchback.

Suggesting that a larger, more cumbersome vehicle, with less visibility and potentially with livestock onboad should move to accommodate a smaller, easier to manoeuvre vehicle is bonkers imho.

Yes my mum says this happens near her. Apparently it's not an error with the satnav either, they know full well it's a narrow lane but don't care because it cuts a rather large corner off!

I get dirty looks quite often because on the road through our village, there's space for cars to park (although we all agree it's annoying) and then there is, JUST, enough space for two cars to pass each other. However, people don't like to do it so it tends to turn into a system whereby cars take turns to go along the road. I regularly just go, leaving sufficient space, only to be glared at. I particularly enjoy it when there's a queue of cars so the first one goes past me no problem, sharing a wry look quite often, but the second car is STILL pissed even though the car in front has just sailed by.

I started a thread a while back about a similar scenario - where there are a few roads local to me that frequently have vehicles parked along one side, but there is still plenty of width for two additional cars to pass, even if you have to slow down a bit. I also experience people stopping and giving me a look as though I'm being selfish and have forced them to wait, when I just assumed that they were capable of manoeuvring a 1.8m wide car through a 2.4m wide gap.

Almost all of the responses told me off for being selfish and making them wait (when they had no need to at all) and inventing narratives such as me leaving them in fear for their very lives as I recklessly zoomed past them (at 10mph!). I can only assume that most of the respondents are the same sort as in this thread who are unable to safely drive their own vehicles on anything but an empty, deserted road.

There also seems to be a cognitive dissonance amongst perpetually-terrified drivers, who simultaneously expect other drivers to easily do very difficult things (such as reversing a tractor towing a horsebox half a mile uphill when they can't reverse a Fiesta 15 yards) but also consider those same competent drivers as reckless and with a death wish when they make a simple manoeuvre that they seem wholly incapable of doing.

This thread has reminded me of when we dropped DS1 at Uni halls at the weekend in London. Tiny dead end road with no parking. Unbelievably the few spaces in front of the halls had bollards up and a massive van parked in front of them (not unloading). We had to just block the road and wait for people to move. Massive queue running down the main road.

Anyway DH had the foresight to reverse all the way back to the dead end when we could get through so we could unload. Cars then came in and blocked us while they unloaded. Rushed to dump stuff in DS’s room and then waited 30 mins + for the car drivers in front to start moving (no rush for them)! Lady in front of us who took the longest then had to reverse out and she couldn’t. It was probably about 30 feet! Another parent (female) had to jump in her car and reverse it for her. It was tight but still! Mortified for her I must say.