To think if you can’t reverse, then take a different route, or take lessons?

[SavoirFlair]

As part of my hobby I have to drive a trailer and a large vehicle. I live in the suburbs/ countryside, have done for 10 years or so. My road is a typical single track lane but which carries a fair bit of traffic towards the main road if your nav or route takes you here.

in the last few years I have become seriously frustrated seeing the number of drivers, weirdly mainly female like me, who just totally refuse to reverse back into the passing space behind them. Like, a passing space that is a few car lengths behind them!

I have a trailer attached, I have no usable rear mirror, and my passing space is 1 or 2 mins reversing length. Yet they just sit there, staring ahead, refusing to help.

Most times I just reverse - brag alert, I love driving and I think I’m good enough at reversing a trailer that I can do it and get to the space. But this is not the point - convention, driving rules, whatever, all state that I shouldn’t have to reverse that length , with cars forced to back up behind me.

the latest standoff happened Saturday morning - this time though I had four cars behind me, this driver (same age as me I reckon, late 40s) had none , passing space as usual is a few car lengths behind.

She stares, usual gesturing, only this time I get out and ask her “can I help guide you?”

Mouthful of abuse! “You could have seen I was coming, why can’t you move over”

Move over WHERE? We are hemmed in by a ditch and then a hedge!

Then imploring me to back up!

In the end I offered to reverse her car for her which gave her the hump, so she started reversing.

Oh my god. The weaving and dancing down what is a few metres of road…

so AIBU, why can’t folk reverse their vehicles and/or refuse to in simple situations?

this isn’t just a rural thing either - when I’m in London for work, the folk who won’t reverse a couple of feet into the space in the parked cars on either side, but expect me to reverse a whole street length back to the entrance…

Why can’t people REVERSE?!

And on the other hand we get absolute fucking idiot HGV drivers stuck down country lane (all male) at times and I have been in a line of ten cars all reversing perfectly about half a mile to let this utter arsehole get through.

I agree with this. I think the majority of people who 'can't park/reverse' actually don't know how to use their mirrors properly.

My top tip for reversing any distance along a country lane is to use your mirrors to ensure the gap between the hedge and the car is consistent as you're driving. You almost always can't go wrong doing that (although you still need to be aware of your other mirrors/surroundings to ensure it's safe to continue the manouvre - that's the main thing that could go wrong!)!

There are loads of people on MN who are mentioned/self-identify on threads, who are too frightened to do perfectly normal driving things - driving at night, using motorways, reversing, parking, not sitting in the middle lane - and people will normally just tell them they're fine as long as they know their own limits.

All very well, but the whole nature of public roads is that they're for everybody to use and are unpredictable. If you aren't confident to co-operate with the other drivers on the road and all foreseeable circumstances, you aren't safe to be driving at all. You can't just stay in your own little comfort zone and expect everybody else to accommodate your lack of confidence; apart from anything else, what would you do if you encountered another driver as unequipped as you?

Even more concerningly, you tend to find that the drivers who are greatly lacking in confidence will be arrogant or obstinate about it, assuming that they must be in the right regardless. I suppose that's common in a lot of pursuits, though, where people who can't do something will consider reckless those who can (and do) do it. Much easier to call somebody mad, dangerous and irresponsible rather than face up to your own inabilities or stubbornness.

Etiquette aside, it's just such obvious common sense that a car will pull over and manoeuvre rather than forcing the driver of a huge vehicle - especially with a trailer - to do so: it's just quicker for everybody to be getting back on their way again.

YA so NBU.

I suspect we have a similar hobby as I've had the same thing several times before I swapped my large vehicle/trailer combo for a lorry.

On one occasion someone refused to reverse even though the passing space was right behind them so, after a bit of hand waving on both sides ("Go back!"; "No, YOU go back!") I took the car out of gear, pulled on the handbrake, took a copy of Horse & Hound magazine off the front seat and started reading.

He backed up

My mum lives in a Devon village where you can't get into it unless you go down a country lane. So she is used to this - I don't know why locals insist on having massive cars when they know they have to go down narrow lanes and are then precious about scratching them!

But I think you can have a certain degree of sympathy with visitors who may end up on one of those roads by mistake, and has no need to reverse down narrow lanes at any other time in their driving career.

But if you come across someone with a trailer you really are going to have go back whether you like it or not!

In my view the locals drive far too fast as well - they all seem to assume nobody else is on the lane. Well if you are, why not other people?

What is really satisfying is when both cars have stopped and there might be a standoff situation, then another car comes up behind you, it's two v one and the other driver then usually has to reverse. Also there is the inverse of that, unfortunately.

I took the car out of gear, pulled on the handbrake, took a copy of Horse & Hound magazine off the front seat and started reading

My mum has done that too. Not that particular magazine though!

But you also get people being encouraging about those who are taking their tests or just starting out driving "you learn more about driving in the first year of driving by yourself" or "learning to drive begins the day after you pass your test" or "just go out and do it more for practice and you'll get better" - forgetting that people really hate it when someone is trying to improve at something but might still make mistakes or be inexperienced and learning. Of course we should be fab at reversing when we pass the test, but it's not covered in most lessons or tests in any detail, certainly not in that kind of situation. And it takes practice. Same with slip roads, night driving etc. They do take practice, and if you find it difficult, it's harder to get the practice in when other drivers are impatient and scathing about it. Yes it's annoying when people make driving mistakes or are not as competent as they should be (not talking about real incompetence that shouldn't have passed), but it is a learning process really, not something that can just be learned to perfection during driving lessons. I know that I have got better with things through practice, and people were probably irritated with me to start with. And some things, like reversing on narrow lanes, I rarely get the chance to do, so that hasn't improved as much.

I don't know why I can't bloody do it. I've got cameras and sensors, the full shebang and I am shit at it. However, I am aware of this and try not to get myself into situations where I have to do it (bar reverse bay parking, I can do that - just). In your case, if I have to go on a single track road I am so cautious of on coming traffic so I can get into a passing place before any stand-offs can occur. I can't parrallel park either. The only time I could do it was with my last car, as it had a birdeye view camera and FINALLY i could tell where the car was in relation to the other cars and the kerb. My new car doesn't have it and I'm back to not being able to do it (tbh, it's been since April and I've not even tried). I am a confident driver on the road and have never had an accident or near miss despite years and years of driving all over the place. But my spacial awareness for maneuvers is shit and I don't know why...

I have to drive down country lanes quite a lot. The other day I had to wait for a woman to reverse as there was a passing place a few metres behind her and 3 cars behind me. She gestured for me to go back, which I couldn’t, so she got in a huff, slammed into reverse, turned the wheel too hard and went back into a hedge. Her passenger started shouting at her. If you can’t manage to reverse a car a short distance and pull over then you shouldn’t be driving. It’s a basic driving manoeuvre.

YANBU. Although my experience is that it's usually men aged 30+ in large cars or 4x4s who refuse to reverse. I travel on narrow country lanes a lot and am a woman of a certain age in a small car. On one particular road I frequently encounter men in white 4x4s hurtling down the middle of the road as I approach a passing place. If they slowed down slightly, I could easily reach the passing place and pull in but they refuse to slow down so we end up face to face a few feet from it. They invariably gesture for me to reverse and/or wind the window down and try to instruct me to mount the grass verge to drive past their 4x4 and in to the passing place.

I tend to find that women slow down so that I can reach the passing place and we can all move seamlessly on with out days (with a nice little wave) and younger men either do the same or drive on the grass so they can zoom past me.

I am not keen on reversing- I can do it but find it difficult so I do it very slowly and if I can manage my driving to avoid it (eg looking ahead and pulling in early to let oncoming cars pass) I will do that. However, as I am not an arse, I know that there a lot of situations where it's just easier and safer for everyone if I reverse a short distance.

The best reversing stand off I witnessed was outside a town centre school. Old Victorian narrow terraced street from the days that everyone walked to school etc. There were at least 10 cars in each 'queue'. A pissed off delivery driver got out his van and started directing the traffic fortunately...

I just got into my parked car and did DDs reading books with them. It was 10-15mins before the road was clear. DH and I often wondered why they didn't make it one way between 8.45-9.15 and 3.00-3.30...

Not just a rural problem.

Until our busy East London street was made one way there would be daily loud confrontations and standoffs with people refusing to move.

In a lot of cases it was male pride that made both parties refuse to back down.
This sometimes led to punch-ups. I have a bird's eye view of the action and on one occasion a crowbar was involved!

I agree in principle, however, if it's that two normal sized vehicles can pass without a passing space, and it's your larger vehicle & trailer that mean extra width is needed, then the onus is on you to reverse imho.

I've just read the whole thread back and I think the view that men don't want to appear 'unmanly' so press on despite being nervous and therefore get better is true. I am happy to admit I don't like/can't reverse or parallel park and avoid it as much as possible. I've let others park/reverse my car for me if I've got stuck. I can't imagine my husband doing the same - in fact I knew him when he passed his test and he was nervous.. but he just cracked on. I passed a few years later and have taken the avoidance route... and no one really bats an eye. I've de-skilled myself!!

I drive the trailer at times for my rowing club and come across this a lot, yes I can reverse a trailer, but it is a hell of a lot easier if the person in the car infront me backs up a couple lengths to the passing spot. Sorry to say though it is overwhelmingly women who seem to shit the bed when it comes to basic reversing. The men who refuse are usually just being dickheads who see reversing as some kind of attack on their masculinity.

@PizzaFunghi while I agree that you learn a lot more about driving in your first year or two, I think that a fairly decent baseline should be part of the learning process and the testing, and it just isn't. Which I find very odd. I learnt to drive in another country where it is pretty standard for a teenager learning to drive to spend the first couple of months having lessons from a parent and/or an instructor. Then spend at least 6 months doing any and all family driving, so that by the time they take the test they have 100s of hours of driving experience.

As I said earlier, women tend to be facilitated in their nerves more, but with many of my friends, the only real difference is that the boys were quicker to gain confidence. All of us, by the time we took our test after a year of regular driving, were at least basically competent. And our tests all included things like reversing, parking, hill starts etc.

I've already started telling DC that when they learn to drive, I'll expect them to do a lot of driving and that the ridiculous rules that learner drivers can't go on the motorways means that after they pass, they will have to have me and DH as instructors for weeks of motorway learning.

Feel your pain.

I find that when someone refuses to reverse 10 feet then I need to reverse very very slowly and very very carefully and they probably wish they had just reversed themselves.

Reverse parallel parking is a funny thing. There are days when I do it perfectly and days when I can't do it to save my life.

Yanbu! Driving up past the school one day I had the same issue, a car behind me but more importantly lots of school children crossing . She had no cars and no children and loads more spaces to pull in whereas I would have been reversing down a hill. She just kept shouting ‘I’ve got the right of way’ and she was right she did but ffs it’s not that hard to do the decent thing. After 35 years Of driving Im perfectly capable of reversing in a straight line but was terrified of a child stepping out from between the parked cars. Eventually she gave in and moved into the space right next to her .

Yanbu but I don't think I have reversed for years! I'd do it but probably badly!

Totally feel your pain. I live rurally and come across these appalling drivers every day. They are usually women but I’ve encountered shit men drivers who cannot drive on narrow country lanes either.

I don’t mind if someone makes the effort to move, even if they are painfully slow, at least they try. It’s the ones who come too fast around corners and then look shocked to see another vehicle and just sit there looking dumbfounded. If they had taken the corner with more caution, they would have had time to nestle into the passing place that they are now not able to back into due to having no reversing skills whatsoever.

Yes, reversing is a learned skill for most, but if you know you are going to be driving someone narrow, with the potential to encounter other vehicles, give yourself 10 minutes to practice some reversing beforehand

As a female myself I agree it's always female drivers who refuse to reverse their cars into the passing point.

😂😂 what a numpty. Not you but the other driver.

Oh yeah, I'll just stick the bike in reverse 🙄

Yes to the male boomers waving you on! Gives me the rage.

I too can reverse, drive generally in fact, without instruction or direction.

It seems like there are lots of drivers who can’t tho. Million point turns in car parks because they have no concept of the actual size of their car. Hilarious.