To think that the public doesn't accept autism

[SomeCleverUsername]

Have 2 disabled DC with very high needs. Also work in this area. DH and I usually take them out separately so we can focus fully on 1 child. We never let them hurt other people and we take them out of situations if they really are not coping.

Yesterday we all went to local shopping centre as a family which we haven't done for a while. It's really obvious from DC's presentations and their specialist equipment that they are disabled. At several opportunities my DH was watching the boys while I went to the counter etc and while I wasn't in the thick of it I got to see just how many people were openly staring at them, tutting, eye rolling, even pointing.

Then I saw another thread this morning on a similar ish topic. It's honestly made me feel like I should never take them out in public 'normal' spaces again.

Should we only go to 'special' places? They already go to special schools ...

Yes I agree that these are reasons for the increase in children with ASD. Thinking back, there were a couple of pupils at Primary labelled as “odd” and “slow” (not nice, I know) but nowhere near as many as nowadays. There are several SEN pupils in every class. Many with very complex needs. Parental age is a major factor.

Wider recognition and understanding.

Greater visibility, fewer children now are off-rolled by school (off-rolling still happens but not as blatantly), and fewer children are in specialist placements. I remember when I was a child there were special schools but there was also what people called the "naughty boys/girls school" which was essentially a school for children/young people who were too "badly behaved" for mainstream. Most of them would probably be diagnosed now as we understand more about these things now.

Survival rates for infancy and prematurity have increased.

Modern classrooms aren't always geared up for sensory needs - they're brightly coloured, busy, there's an emphasis on collaborative working, etc - so children who might have flown under the radar in times past when it was eyes to the front, learn by rote, etc have greater difficulty masking and blending in.

More neurodivergent people now have children and their children are more likely to also be neurodivergent. The rise of the Internet, online dating, mobile workforce, etc allows more people to find their "tribe". You also have a lot of undiagnosed ND people having children and when their child gets diagnosis it makes the parent realise they're neurodivergent too.

@underneaththeash

If I choose to take my 21 year son to a fine dining restaurant. That is our choice no one else's.

I could get there and a couple could have a argument. There could be a group celebrating a birthday and being loud.

And we could have a crap experience. Yet both of these examples are of people who can control their own behaviour.

Hell there could be a family and the toddler could be overwelmed and crying.

It is a fact that when you access anything publicly that you are sharing it with other people. People from all walks of life.

You do not pay to go somewhere social and have it all to yourself.

My son is a young adult and entitled to access the same as everyone else.

This is regardless of disability. Which I am pretty sure that is what inclusion is.

I will not stop taking my son out due to other peoples ignorance. He is a person just like you.

If anybody feels uncomfortable around my son due to his needs then that says more about them than him or I.

Guess what, when we go out for the day it's the child without the needs that misbehaves not the one with needs.

I think any of the posters here who believe that people with certain disabilities should only access certain things should:

Go volunteer for a day, spend the day with a person with autism. See it from there angle. See how most of them don't have friends, don't do the things that other children /teenagers / young adults do.

See how they want that. See how socially isolated they are.

Then wow places like theatre becomes accessible to them. So they go, but hold on.... Judgement already.

No wonder depression is also diagnosed with people with autism.

At the risk of sounding twee, this member of the public is nothing but in awe of you. I would help you if I could, but I don't want to seem interfering, so I just look away so that you don't feel that I am staring

I don’t think it’s that people do t accept autism, it’s that it’s used as an excuse for poor behaviour.

my nephew has autism and my sister excuses his behaviour all the time and says he’s ‘unteachable which is absolute crap!

Fuck me. Really?

It's a spectrum some people with it will be unreachable or learn things at a very slow pace .

Yeah he’s unteachable because they can’t be arsed to parent him properly. We’ve had to distance ourselves as he kept hitting my ds.

my sister just said, well I do tell him off! Yeah saying ‘Oi, I saw that!’ Is really dealing with him!

my ds is very wary of him

These intolerant people are usually the ones who would describe themselves as exactly the opposite. Don't stop trying to do nice things with them, there are lots of people out there who are sympathetic and accommodating. You're doing a great job, it's lonely and hard so don't be hard on yourself and don't hide away. Some people are just nobs.

Sounds like your sister is better off without you tbh

No, we’re better off without my son being hit umpteen times every time we saw them

Indeed.
Violence is inexcusable.

This^

What a fucking horrible sister you are

I’m not actually sure why you are getting such a hard time here. If another autistic child was hitting my autistic child and they parents weren’t being proactive I’d be distancing myself too. I’ve never witnessed that though because most of the parents I know with kids with autism are incredibly proactive and have done a billion parenting courses and are among the best parents I personally know.

If another autistic child was hitting my autistic child and they parents weren’t being proactive I’d be distancing myself too. I’ve never witnessed that though because most of the parents I know with kids with autism are incredibly proactive
^^
Maybe it was a sign, but at toddler group it was noticed that I barely got to sit down and was constantly monitoring DS, while the other mums were chatting.

100% the same and that is my experience of other parents of children with autism too. I’m mean of course there are endless examples of challenging behaviour examples I can think of but the parents are always endeavouring to manage the situations as best as they possibly can. Anyone sitting by and doing nothing while any child physically hurts another child is in serious dereliction of their parenting duty.

Yes, I had to accept a long while ago I could never leave my autistic kids to play without me in grabbing distance.

Challenging behaviour and poor impulse control is often part of autism. All behaviour is communication. Your nephew is trying to communicate some sort of distress and is unable to control his emotional response. In that respect it is an excuse This is not your nephews fault but your sister should be trying to work out what triggers the distress and putting steps in place to minimise it. You can help with this, that would be far more helpful than slagging your sister off.

Well said, I totally agree with this.