To think that the public doesn't accept autism

[SomeCleverUsername]

Have 2 disabled DC with very high needs. Also work in this area. DH and I usually take them out separately so we can focus fully on 1 child. We never let them hurt other people and we take them out of situations if they really are not coping.

Yesterday we all went to local shopping centre as a family which we haven't done for a while. It's really obvious from DC's presentations and their specialist equipment that they are disabled. At several opportunities my DH was watching the boys while I went to the counter etc and while I wasn't in the thick of it I got to see just how many people were openly staring at them, tutting, eye rolling, even pointing.

Then I saw another thread this morning on a similar ish topic. It's honestly made me feel like I should never take them out in public 'normal' spaces again.

Should we only go to 'special' places? They already go to special schools ...

This thread is utter shit already - I would get it pulled op because you just have a load of people who don't get it (and are probably the one's gawping at disabled kids).

Children who have ASD and go to a special school will stand out in public - mine does and we have been discriminated against because of his disability many times.

I just ignore people and focus on supporting my child.

In the vast majority of cases parents of children with autism are very aware of what their child can cope with and will go out with a whole host of strategies and objects to help them if needed.

My nearest theatre has a policy of not asking disabled patrons to leave due to displaying behaviours related to their disability because its against the law to discriminate and, as their accessibility policy states, theatre is for all. Their access team are lovely and really good at helping customers choose seats based on their needs, for example we usually have a box so DC can sit on the floor if needed as sometimes they need to shut off visuals in order to listen or they need to jump up and down or have a roll around, box comes with its own access corridor too which is less crowded and waiting service so no queuing for drinks and snacks.

I think that poster was meaning what was best for the autistic person, not other peoples perception of them.

With regard to the staring I think lots of people just live in their own little bubbles with no real interactions with people with disabilities or their families so its curiosity more than anything, and probably sympathy. I have a disabled relative and we were discussing the other day just how many people stare when out and about. It's not nice and people need check themselves and get some manners. The comments/pointing is inexcusable (unless small children/additional needs etc) and amounts to bullying, I'm sorry this happens to you.

Same happened with my son at the theatre. They saw his ear defenders when we walked in and asked would we prefer the box, which we did. It was excellent.

Actually cannot believe some of the comments in this thread!

Start pointing back and staring at the arse holes, this is the most effective way to stop it. Also, make a fuss about the noise their children make as they don't like that. It's quite hypocritical how they make allowances for their own child but not yours.

The events I've been to that have been spoilt by a screaming child, the child has always been neurotypical. The parents have always been oblivious to the stress their child causes others. My child with SEND is very quiet & is affected by loud noises. I had to take him out of a restaurant because he was stressed by a screaming neurotypical child. People never acknowledge the other side of SEND, that some don't create noise but are affected by it. So the noise an NT child is absolutely distressing for some kids/people.

Wow that’s amazing!

But it works both ways. I don't want whatever I'm doing ruined because your child just constantly screams.

@FarmerRefuted

Nailed it. The theatre companies would be very ashamed of bias on both threads.

The theatre is sooo inclusive. I have taken my son so many times. To different ones.

They have worked hard. Often theatres have inclusive groups. Dance drama and music is big in sen circles.

Look at x factor group that year, should they be banned??

The truth is its bias and ignorance. Under a thin viel of well I paid.

So did everyone else!!! And guess what it's a shared space. A public space open to everyone.

I chose to believe people who have never had to deal with it just can’t imagine. Ds doesn’t have autism but does have a disability that means some situations need adapted. Which means I have to speak to organisers ever bastard place I go. It’s exhausting and relentless but the alternative is he stays in the house and is even more aware of his differences.

i know it embarrasses my friend when I speak to staff everywhere but it’s the only way. And one school suggested he just stayed home on trip days so they didn’t have to organise support. He has about the most socially acceptable disability (watch as posters refuse to believe that there are degrees of acceptability) and it’s still really difficult.

the first time I went to specialist group and was able to speak freely to other parents it felt like Christmas Day.

The events I've been to that have been spoilt by a screaming child, the child has always been neurotypical. The parents have always been oblivious to the stress their child causes others. My child with SEND is very quiet & is affected by loud noises. I had to take him out of a restaurant because he was stressed by a screaming neurotypical child. People never acknowledge the other side of SEND, that some don't create noise but are affected by it. So the noise an NT child is absolutely distressing for some kids/people.

Eh you have no way of knowing whether those screaming children are NT? My ds presents as NT but very much isn't. You wouldn't know by looking at him or hearing him speak though.

Most theatres are really accommodating, many have an access card scheme too where a carer can have free entry. I've even taken DC to London to see shows and theatres there have been just as understanding (Victoria Palace were amazing including letting DC in the doors five minutes early to have a look at the auditorium while it was empty).

Speaking as an older person I think the pile on to posters saying they didn't see many children with ND behaviours when they were young is rather unfair.

I know now that it was because they went to special schools or were locked away out of sight. But the fact of the matter remains that when I was at school in the 1960 and 1970s we didn't come across many children with these issues.

Fortunately we are a more enlightened society these days.

I also feel that I have probably learned more about autism on mumsnet than anywhere else.

Disabled people exist and will display behaviours linked to their disability. They have a right to access the same spaces as non-disabled people. This means you will sometimes encounter them.

Get over it.

The chances of a child having autism increase with the mothers age when the child is born. As a population, we are generally having children later in life.

So that, along with better recognition and diagnosis will account for it.

The thing is, it's not always possible to remove them immediately. My son will look like he is coping but then will lie on the floor and cry and trying to pick him up makes him scream. He's far too big to be picked up too so I have to wait with him and comfort him till it passes.

Ergo, I'm fucking disabled myself.

It's not just about you or your "DCs". What about people like me? Oh sorry, I'm only an autistic adult, no one cares about us.

Maybe look up Hyperacusis. Oh, and empathy as well. We supposedly lack it. But clearly YOU do if you're telling me to get over it. Are you aware it;s fucking painful? But don't worry, it only leaves me unable to fucking talk.

I'm the same way you have learned from MN I posted my experiences, not to 'pile on' but to help that poster understand. It's ok to do that. A lot of people sharing this doesn't mean a pile on. I wasn't being nasty, I was just explaining that I could have been in that posters school. They would not have known. The main point for me was that being undiagnosed and not knowing anything about autism I had no idea and that was so damaging. The masking, the lack of support, the mental demons, they all existed while I sat quietly, maybe in that posters school.

It's important that differently abled people are seen out in public. It will become more normal and accepted in time. Rude people likely have some emotional and behavioural issues themselves.

@MNHQ need to do a better job at catching and deleting posts that are ableist about ASD. Ive reported numerous over the weekend. I’m tired of seeing this shit. Do better. Ban the posters that insist on posting this bollocks.

Exactly. So many trolls on this post that have posted on the other threads too. Mumsnet do better!!!