Pregnancy test threads

[Wouldloveanother]

Now don’t think I’m one of those cool, logical women who can wait for late period before testing because I’m not! But I know if I test and I can’t say definitively that it’s positive, to try again the next day and the next but to remain realistic.

I’ve seen quite a few threads now with clearly negative tests where the responses are all ‘I can see something!’ And egging the OP on to buy more tests. So they test again, another vague shadow line, responses are the same. Days later, no real change and it’s clear it’s either a chemical pregnancy or the tests were a bit rubbish, but the OP has been convinced the tests are positive at this point and is devastated when her period turns up.

AIBU to think there needs to be a bit more honesty on such threads, to manage expectations?

There is, though.

I wasn't able to see the Test line on the COVID test thread here today, while many did. So there is still an option, that part genuinely see something, part doesn't, if the line is there, but very very very light.
I agree that premature congratulations aren't helping, just that "maybe I can see something, but very very feint, you know, get another test in a day or two" would sound as a sensible response to me.

These "do you see a line " threads are the WORST.

They shouldn't be allowed.
It just messes with the head of women who are already have a messed up head (too eager for the 2lines i mean)

If one is pregnant you can see it on thr stick
If you can't see it. Wait another week and retake the test

But once they’ve had 10 ‘congrats’ type messages, you just look like a party pooper saying it’s too faint for anything conclusive and to take another in a few days etc.
One thread had very faint lines for a week, everyone was posting ‘a line is a line’ type comments, I replied to say you’d probably expect to see a clearer line by then so to stay realistic. And also that a very faint line that never gets stronger can sometimes mean ectopic so just to be aware etc. And was berated by the OP for being negative and ‘setting off their anxiety’. It was clear the only responses she wanted were the ‘I see it, a line is a line, congrats’ ones, even though a week of such faint tests doesn’t bode well.

Can I throw the use of 'feint' onto the list of complaints about those threads?

In fairness though, I'm very grateful all these super sensitive digital early testing thingies weren't around when I was TTC. I'd have been obsessed and all over these boards for sure. Back in my day (which wasn't that long ago) you took your first test if you were a few days late. These days women have had a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage before their period is even due - it must be incredibly stressful and upsetting.

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps There's definitely a line on that Covid test as many others can see and if you're looking at lots of threads where others can see a line that you can't I'd be less inclined to smugly believe that everyone else is imagining things and suggest it's perhaps that your eyesight isn't as sharp as others. Same to any other poster questioning everyone else's eyesight but not their own.

This thread has a really horrible tone. Of all the shite on this site to take exception to I can't find myself wanting to mock the desperate women getting yet another negative test or being driven mad by the slightest shadow of a line.

Sometimes the tests do appear stark white and that's really sad. Often I can see some sort of line in the right place and I would say so but not as a huge congratulations, just that there appears to be something there and to test again in a few days.

I think the invention of the early detection pregnancy test has really not been helpful at all to women's mental health during TTC though. Now that some women can in rare cases get a positive from 8dpo, every woman desperate for their positive wants to test from 8dpo. It's torturous squinting over pregnancy tests for days on end only for them to end up as a negative or chemical but that's where we are at now with companies advertising that you can get a positive result before the egg has barely implanted. Women are swept up by it all in their absolute longing to see a second line.

@Wouldloveanother I know the thread you are referring to and I think you did get a harsh response to your suggestion of an ectopic however the poster did go on to acknowledge other negative responses about the viability of any potential pregnancy so I don't think it was just a case of wanting congratulations but perhaps the suggestion of an ectopic just frightened her.

I started one of the 'am I pregnant' threads with no test. My husband and I had been trying for four years and we'd lost hope by the time I started feeling a bit off. We had no tests in the house, I couldn't bring myself to go and get one and face more inevitable disappointment, so I posted here - not because I expected people to tell me one way or another, but because I needed a handhold more than anything. I'll forever be grateful to those women who let me feel heard for a few days while I steeled myself to take a test. I'm 32 weeks pregnant now.

In the same vein the ‘just got a BFP, I’m 45/46/47’ threads. Everyone piles in with congratulations and stories of happy older mums with healthy children, but the odds of miscarriage at that age is 75%+. The posters usually don’t return to the threads

What an absolutely vile thread. The tone of your posts OP, and some of those responses - wow.

All of the actual awful things on MN, and you attack what is; let's face it, women who have been desperately TTC and are desperate to see a line on a test after what is often a long fertility journey with pregnancy loss.

I used to be one of those women on the conception board. I'm so sorry my pathetic life of line eyes was a bother to you.

Gross af.

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps ... there is a line though?

You might need to pause your smug mocking to book in a visit to the opticians.

Why is it vile? I too was on conception threads before getting pregnant and was a serial tester. I haven’t pretended otherwise. All I’m saying is that I think in some cases expectations need to be managed, as you get a lot of posters stoking up the OP only for her to be disappointed. How is giving people false hope helpful?

I can see a line on the covid test but I got one like that and it turned out not to be covid (confirmed by PCR and negative LFTs later that day).

So what do you want people to say in that instance?

In that moment of the positive test, the OP is pregnant. She posts about her good news and you want people to say... what exactly? “You made it this far but your odds are shit, stop being happy.” ??

I disagree I often think some people have real poor eyesight. I can often seen an obvious but admittedly faint line and other posters are adamant there is nothing there.

Good question. Maybe something like ‘tentative congrats, I’m sure you know the odds of miscarriage are high for your age range so just be aware of that but also know many women do go on to have a successful pregnancy and there’s no reason why that can’t be you’?

In those cases I assume they need to turn the brightness on their phone screen up up!

Bloody hell, please don't say this!

I mean I probably wouldn’t post at all as it’s not something I have personal experience of. But do you honestly believe a thread full of ‘congrats’ and ‘being a mummy is amazing’ type responses is proportionate or genuinely helpful in the circumstances?

Urgh mean response. Don't you think people know this? They just want some good wishes and reassurance that hopefully, for them, things will work out ok. They don't need a poster smugly reminding them of the fact that the stats are stacked against them. It's a bit like responding, "ohh cautious congrats, you know you have a much higher chance of your baby having down syndrom! Hopefully that won't be you though!

The same goes for the line eye threads. Are they a bit annoying and countersensical? Sure. But it obviously comes from a place of anxiety and/or excitement. Wanting to be pregnant does crazy things to you. I am generally a pretty pragmatic and fact based person, but although I wasn't creating threads I was testing from day 6, squinting, taking tests apart to hold up against the window and photographing tests with rings (it's to focus your camera on the line FYI). It did something weird to me. And if you don't like the threads, you don't have to take part or even read them.

This site has been much more enjoyable after I hid topics including conception and pregnancy rather than having to hide every thread. Would recommend

YABU. I love those threads and can very often see a second line. I feel like you either need to keep scrolling or go to Specsavers.

People who are TTC mid 40s are well aware the odds are stacked against them and that a positive test is just step one. It is nevertheless a necessary first step and thus good news, so "congratulations" is fine. I agree that not posting is for the best if you're not comfortable with that.

I suppose so, I meant more the threads where they weren’t ttc so it’s come as a huge shock and they weren’t previously hanging out on the conception threads so don’t have much knowledge around how often it can go wrong. On the ttc boards everyone seems pretty clued up/realistic.

I would like to add that:

1. A faint line is one which is barely perceptible
2. There is no such thing as a 'feint' line because a 'feint' is a deceptive or pretended blow, or distracting movement, during a fight.

At which point her anxiety skyrockets. If she’s going to miscarry it’s going to be awful, having the fact the chances are higher for her pointed out, isn’t going to change how awful it is.

You’re currently pregnant right @Wouldloveanother ? Would you honestly want people saying “tentative congrats, I’m sure you know the odds of [terrible thing] are [X] at your stage.” to you?

I kind of get what you mean about test lines. But only if the OP is actively seeking advice. Otherwise don’t piss on their happiness; hide the thread and move on.