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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel my son’s party as I’m worried no one will turn up?

90 replies

LakeDistrictLass · 11/09/2022 10:46

I’ve booked a village hall and bouncy castle for my son’s 4th birthday next month.

He’s been desperate for a party for a while now, since he’s been to a few friend’s parties recently.

I’m now really anxious nobody will turn up.
I’ve invited his friends from outside nursery , who we’ve known since we went to baby groups etc and one has already said she can’t come as she has her covid booster and flu jab that day (I didn’t even know they did Saturdays) and she’s vulnerable, so I do understand of course.
Another is heavily pregnant and due in November, so she says she isn’t sure how she’ll be feeling by then.

I’m planning on sending invites out to his nursery classmates, there are only 16 of them as a lot of the previous have moved up to reception now.

Altogether I’ll have invited 23 children.

I’m just not sure whether it’s worth the stress and anxiety.
I’ll lose my deposit if I cancel, but I’m not sure I can cope with the heartbreak of no one arriving on the day and my DS sitting waiting. We’re providing food and party bags too of course. I’m just feeling ill at the thought of doing all that and nobody or just a couple coming.

Also, when would you send invites out at nursery? The party is mid October. I was thinking week after next? Then that’s 3 weeks in advance.

OP posts:

AlrightAlrightAlrightMatthewMcConaughey · 11/09/2022 10:57

This is a huge amount of stress and anxiety.

It does sound like people are backing out already - got a booster jab that day 'Oh would you mind if I dropped my little darling off, and returned an hour later, as I have my booster' (Assuming there are enough adults to keep an eye)

AlrightAlrightAlrightMatthewMcConaughey · 11/09/2022 10:58

Tbh I would cancel, I only ever did one party when mine were little and it cost a fortune and although kids came, it seemed such a waste of money. I never understood parents who did this year after year

The following years, we had days out at a place picked by the Birthday child

MrsTimRiggins · 11/09/2022 11:01

You’ve not even sent out the invitations yet tho have you? Sorry if I’ve misunderstood but you seem to be jumping the gun a bit with worrying! You say he’s been to several parties recently, presumably other kids went too, why would this party be any different?

Oblomov22 · 11/09/2022 11:02

Send the invites this week. lots of people will come. I don't understand the anxiety in this. make a decision, run it and if 6or 8 or 10 turn up it will be absolutely lovely. If more, great. I think that many people who haven't had a chance to take their children to parties for such a long time will be more than grateful.

BeautifulDragon · 11/09/2022 11:05

I would wait until he starts Reception and just do a family celebration this year.

There's not point getting yourself so stressed out, especially when he's too young to really care.

liquidgrapes · 11/09/2022 11:08

I'd cancel. I booked a soft play and only about 4 could make it, it's so disappointing and barely anyone bothered to reply so I had no idea who was/wasn't coming. Never again.

AgentProvocateur · 11/09/2022 11:10

Why do you think no one will turn up? You’ve not even sent the invitations yet and with 16 in his class, I’m sure at least 12 will turn up. However, you’re obviously stressed and anxious about this already and no kids party is worth that.

KindergartenKop · 11/09/2022 11:12

Out of 23 kids then someone will come.

Your son won't understand the difference between 10 and 23. He just wants to have a party!

Chill, it will be ok :)

Shimy · 11/09/2022 11:14

Can you explain why you think no one from his nursery will turn up? it seems odd to presume no one will turn up. If they've turned up to all the others he's been to why wouldn't people turn up to his?

abblie · 11/09/2022 11:15

I always sent cake and party bags into school and saved a fortune

Flumpymc · 11/09/2022 11:17

I get it OP, I've been there! You just want what's right for them and the thought that they might be upset by no one coming when you could solve that by just not doing it is massive. But, they'll come. Of course they will. Don't cancel.

My little girl's 4th is in December and I too have booked a village hall and bouncy castle in the Lake District! And i too will be consumed with worry nearer the time!

Freedomfighters · 11/09/2022 11:17

Send out the invites and give an RSVP date. If they don't respond by then chase them up. It's highly unlikely people won't come to your child's party.

luckylavender · 11/09/2022 11:19

AlrightAlrightAlrightMatthewMcConaughey · 11/09/2022 10:58

The following years, we had days out at a place picked by the Birthday child

Well each to his own. It would be a strange works if we were all the same.

Whatdayisittodayhelp · 11/09/2022 11:29

Don’t cancel. My kids still talk about the memories of their birthday parties but wouldn’t to be able to tell you what presents they got that year. Make sure you put a date for rsvp on the invite and I would send them two weeks before. Also hand them out in the yard not to the teacher then the kids can hand it straight to their parent/carer. Do sweet cones instead of party bags they go down so much better with the kids and is cheaper. I never done buffets you can get pack lunch boxes and fill them up so only sandwiches would be wasted if you had any left over. Kids have missed out on so much and it’s a good chance for the children and parents to mix.

ruralwanderer · 11/09/2022 11:37

In my experience, kids parties are basically free soft play and lunch while the parents catch up with their friends so I reckon you will have lots of people wanting to come purely on that basis. Whether it's worth the stress though is up to you - I hated hosting my son's birthday party and he spent the whole thing hiding in the village hall kitchen as he was so overwhelmed. Future birthdays will definitely be a few hand picked favourite friends at home or a local attraction that he can choose.

PalePurplePumpkin · 11/09/2022 11:39

I'd do it the old fashioned way and just have a small party at home with his actual friends.

Porcupineintherough · 11/09/2022 11:40

Send the invites. If you think you'll have spaces say that siblings can come. You'll be inundated.

SheWoreYellow · 11/09/2022 11:41

Send out invites as soon as you can.

If you don’t get replies, do you see parents at preschool drop off/pick up to ask if they got the invite ok?

Even if only four children turn up that will be enough! Why do you think people won’t?

RC1234 · 11/09/2022 11:45

Here is what I would do. I would send out the invites with a firm RSVP date of about 1 month before date and see how many reply saying that they are coming. Don't chase for a yes, no response is generally a no. Every time I have chased, basically the person has not shown up with no notice. Once you have an idea of numbers make your decision. Also be aware that often parents may ask to bring siblings along to church hall type events and that will boost your numbers if you are worried about low numbers.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 11/09/2022 11:50

It’ll be fine! We did loads of these including one last month - people love it when you invite their kids and most will come. 3 weeks notice is perfect - too far in advance and people forget about it.

Rainbowqueeen · 11/09/2022 11:51

I think you’ve been spooked by the couple of people you have already mentioned it to saying they can’t make it. I used to stress too but DC love parties so most parents will do their best to make sure their DC can come. Even your pregnant friend is likely to send her husband with her LO.

I would go ahead as your son is so keen. If there are 16 kids in his nursery class, I’d say at least half will come. And that would be a lovely number of kids.

3 weeks is a perfect time to send out the invites. Have an rsvp date written on there of about 5 days before. I hope he has a lovely party.

Flowerytoe · 11/09/2022 11:52

If you send out the remaining invitation tomorrow I would go ahead but expect a small turn out. People need way more notice than 3 weeks.

User148563 · 11/09/2022 11:54

I bet loads will turn up plus uninvited siblings too.

Normandy144 · 11/09/2022 11:55

I don't understand the anxiety in all this? The two people who you have already mentioned it too can't come and they seem to have valid reasons. But you haven't even sent out the invites for the others! Don't delay sending the invitations - hand them out on Monday next week and then you should start to get some RSVPs straight away. If the party is mid October then iny opinion it's too late to hand them out only 3 weeks ahead. Make sure you set a firm RSVP date and then chase if necessary. What time is the party? Afternoon's are usually better as people have activities/classes on Saturday mornings in my experience.

Winceybincey · 11/09/2022 11:57

I’d turn up! I know my son would love it. If it’s a church hall and you can accommodate I’d also put a little note on the invitation to say that siblings are welcome but they need to let you know so you know how many are coming. You‘ll have even more willing to come then.

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