To cancel my son’s party as I’m worried no one will turn up?

[LakeDistrictLass]

I’ve booked a village hall and bouncy castle for my son’s 4th birthday next month.

He’s been desperate for a party for a while now, since he’s been to a few friend’s parties recently.

I’m now really anxious nobody will turn up.
I’ve invited his friends from outside nursery , who we’ve known since we went to baby groups etc and one has already said she can’t come as she has her covid booster and flu jab that day (I didn’t even know they did Saturdays) and she’s vulnerable, so I do understand of course.
Another is heavily pregnant and due in November, so she says she isn’t sure how she’ll be feeling by then.

I’m planning on sending invites out to his nursery classmates, there are only 16 of them as a lot of the previous have moved up to reception now.

Altogether I’ll have invited 23 children.

I’m just not sure whether it’s worth the stress and anxiety.
I’ll lose my deposit if I cancel, but I’m not sure I can cope with the heartbreak of no one arriving on the day and my DS sitting waiting. We’re providing food and party bags too of course. I’m just feeling ill at the thought of doing all that and nobody or just a couple coming.

Also, when would you send invites out at nursery? The party is mid October. I was thinking week after next? Then that’s 3 weeks in advance.

I must admit I did do one party to which only 4 invited guests (of about 35...) turned up. I had the panic and wish I'd canceled. Fortunately, the 4 guests had a million siblings between them (Catholic school), so we still managed a decent atmosphere, though DS (7 that year I think) was a bit disappointed.

Have you got any back up children (friends of friends, or friend's siblings?) you could panic invite if it goes to shit on the day?

Always done days out with a couple of friends, or very small at home parties since.

Send the rest of the invites but with a strict rsvp date. Chase the non responsers promptly.

Even five children out of 23 would be good enough for a 4yr old. They don't understand numbers but they do understand energy and my goodness you will get energy from a bouncy castle and cake!!

It'll be fine honestly, you're just thrown off by two people saying they can't make it. I wasn't a popular mum and my ds wasn't a popular kid (we're both autistic) and we still had lots of attendees at his birthday parties. A few did back out each time but that's fairly standard, people are flaky.

You'll always get parents who don't respond or say they'll attend and then don't. Always. Don't take it personally, it's no reflection on you or your ds.

Nursery kids and parents will probabky be quite keen to come.. be clear on your invitation of timing, date, your contact number and that you would like a response.. maybe use the words I would appreciate if you would respond by whatsapp to this number as soon as you know whether you can make it or not. My son is really excited anout his first 'big' party with all his friends and we are looking forward to meeting you all as well.

Possibly too much but it would be clear.

This. Why would you think no one will come?

Even if only 8-10 children come that is more than enough for them to have fun with a bouncy castle. Send the invitations tomorrow and by tomorrow night you'll have had a couple of replies.

Most of his school
kids will as their parents will bring them. They all came to parties when mine was small.

Send the invitation now and see what response you get. I bet you get at least half of the 23 say yes, probably more. I think 10 or more would be fine.

Sorry thought he was in reception

Give it a chance.. even if 5 kids turn up it’s enough to make a party.
are there other kids in the family he could invite ?

I understand the anxiety, have only done 1 party so far at a soft play and was worried about no one coming. Most did but her 2 closest friends cancelled which was a shame. Havnt done 1 since due to covid but she was so upset this year about not having 1 I'm going to have to do 1 next year which I'm not looking forward to!

Out of 23 kids, why would he be sat there with no guests? It's only 2 people who've said they might struggle?
I wouldn't cancel

I would include all siblings welcome. I would also invite family members and older children. Plus neighbours. If you are worried about numbers - my advice is to reduce the venue size.
Don’t try and make into a huge party - use the word tea party regardless of venue. If possible do it at home ( bouncy castle in the garden) then it will come across as low key. Village halls always look like a big party and cone with expectation. Some dc at this age will be overwhelmed with big parties.

I understand the anxiety but most children love parties and I have never been to one that was not attended by anyone.

Don’t let your own anxiety cloud your child’s birthday - go ahead definitely!

You only need 8-10 kids for a decent party. 15 will feel like a squeeze and anything above 18 will be complete chaos (speaking from experience!).

If you put 'siblings welcome' on the invite, you will get siblings and whole families turning up as well. I usually put 'Siblings welcome but do let me know for numbers so I can plan food/party bags', which encourages RSVPs.

I contact everyone who has RSVP'd (so long as I have their contact details) 2-3 days before the party to remind them and to confirm final numbers. I plan for 2-3 children to drop out on the day due to illness etc.

Your son will talk to his nursery classmates about his party and they'll be excited about attending, especially if there is a bouncy castle. Hence the parents will be keen to bring them.

Agree. Don't cancel. Your DS is 4. He doesn't know how many people are 'supposed' to be at a party and will have a fantastic time if there's six of them. Hope it goes really well (and yes, when DD was that age I got super anxious about that as well - but if anything we ended up with the opposite problem of brothers and sisters joining in).

If you know the date now, I’d send the invites now. You’ll have more chance of more being able to attend. I tend to plan my weekends 3/4 weeks ahead and most of my friends do too.

23 is a good amount - even if half cancel or can’t come there is more than enough mids to go ahead with a party! I wouldn’t cancel - I’m sure it will be a great birthday and you seem to worrying over nothing tbh!

I sympathise OP. I remember feeling exactly the same. I've got about 10 kids parties under my belt now and each and every one has had at least three quarters of those invited turn up and they've had a brilliant time. It'll be fine and it gets easier. Just try to get phone numbers to follow up with anyone who doesn't reply.

Don't cancel the party! It will be better if all of them don't come - 23 children running round a hall and jumping off and on a bouncy castle would be chaos. Have you checked how many can even go on the bouncy castle at one time - I'd bet any money that's it a lot less than 23. 10 - 12 kids total would me more than enough IMO. You need to know numbers though so you don't waste money by doing too much food and too many party bags. The kids will have a great time but kids parties are no fun for the parent organiser IMO, just stress. I did one every year but was always glad when they were over.

I also had this anxiety but I think it’s likely enough people will come. In the end loads of people did and it put me in touch with a load of the other nursery parents, a couple of whom I’m now very friendly with

my advice:

3 weeks before is about right. People won’t necessarily want to commit this far in advance and it may not be in their minds nearer the time so they might forget about it.

Do you have any friends or family you can rely on to come, even if their children aren’t the same age? If you have 2-3 friends/family coming with kids that you can rely on to be there, it takes the pressure off the nursery invites.

Agreed. You really need to check how many can go on the bouncy castle at one time safely. It may be as little as 5 or as many as 12 but certainly isn't likely to be 23.

To make it most likely for people to come I would state on the invite that presents are not required (cost of living/having to be organised and choose a present putting people off).
Just state something simple like No need to bring anything wewould like your prsence not your presents.

One year we included a note:
There's no need to bring a present,
We just want you to come along,
But if at all, please keep it small -
'cause our party is all about fun!

Lots of people will bring something anyway but it gives the green light for a packet of sweets, or £4 for turning 4 and not the stress of trying to choose something he will "love".

Make it easy for people to RSVP by giving your mobile number and saying please let me know if you can make it call on text on xxxx Again stops people not coming because they never sorted out RSVP. They can send a quick text.

Put something personal on the invite like "We hope you can make it!". Make each person feel they are wanted and not just invited because you did the whole class.

I'm sure your party will be lovely.

I use to find the party invites very stressy. I'd only invite 10 and at least 3 or 4 would be good friends who would definitely come. It got easier the older they got as parents and children communicated better. I found there was roughly a 80% attendance

Are there any other parents that you know to speak to, before you send out invitations?

I tend to book a date that DSs 2 best friends and cousins can make - the children he is closest too - and then invite everyone after that. I’d still go ahead whatever then, as I know he’d have a good time with a couple of friends whoever else showed up.

You can make it easier for them to attend by saying that siblings are welcome, so parents are able to stay.