to think i am obscene?

[RosesandMoonshine]

I have suffered a weird sort of stress for two years, in that time i have somehow gone from being a nail biter to actually having no nails whatsoever. Like there is no remnant of nail left. Most of my fingers are open and sore and bitten, and there is no discernible nail left on any of my fingers.

I appreciate that this is bad, that I have a problem, but it is odd because it is a fairly solvable issue and my life isn't so bad at all. I am not struggling in obvious ways like money or abuse, etc.

However, I have, since my mother passed away, bitten my nails off completely and now have mangled stumps with sores and ripped skin. I have tried, time and again, to stop this, and it seems like I can't.
My hands are a mess, red and bloody and sore. My nail beds are destroyed and there is no remnant of nail there. If you google bitten nails, the pictures still show some nail. Mine are destroyed, like something out of a horror film. Sometimes I put short, false nails on, but the glue won't take as my nail bed is so mangled.

In real life I look ordinary and ok, you would never guess I have this fucked up secret. I hide them at all costs. Is there any way to trick the mind into stopping picking at hard skin? As I try so hard to quit eating them, the skin dries hard and tempts me to snig it off, opening up sores and more issues.

You have a form of dermatilomania. It isn’t your fault. Cbt might help but you would probably have to go private

You need thin white gloves. Wear them all of the time, even to bed.

Plenty of hand cream to keep your nails and skin healthy.

And ask a GP about anxiety medication.

urgh, a picture of my beauties :(

thank you so much, to even have a reply is a bonus. I have carried this for so many years now I feel so shamed. I am relatively successful and competent in real life, but this is my freaky secret. It seems to have started since my mum died and my relationship went to hell.

I have tried creams, gloves and plasters. I have made little cones to slip over them to stop me biting but they have to come off when i cook, clean or do stuff. Aggghhh!

I used to bite my nails terribly, lots of people did in the 70s, much more so than now I think. Perhaps we were all stressy kids back then?😉

The only way managed to stop and I ended up growing long nails was to keep them soft. I would have pots of Vaseline everywhere in the house and rub it into each finger really methodically. I found if they were soft I was less likely to bite ,plus they didn't taste very nice either. Took a while but it worked for me.

I've done this since I was a kid (I also pick my head). For me, it's a stress/anxiety thing mainly, but it's also worse when I'm not busy so typing at work is good, sitting on the sofa relaxing is definitely not.

Maybe try doing things that keep your mind and/or hands busy (depending on what works for you). Plasters over your fingers so you can't pick subconsciously. Also consider if anything is stressing you out. It isn't necessarily something bad. My brain seems to struggle to differentiate stress from excitement 😂

CBT is probably a good shout. I've not tried it for skin picking because I'm too embarrassed to show my GP but I have had CBT for PTSD and it was helpful.

Hypnotherapy could be worth a shot!

Mine are about hard bits, so even if i put plasters on my fingers for hours on end, later when they dry out the skin is hard and i cant seem to stop myself biting it, which opens up wounds again.

so even if i manage to soften them or put false nails on to mitigate the damage, the dry, hard bits go in my mouth. I have no idea why and i have tried every mental/conscious thing going to stop it. But like tonight, I have a small amount of stress and they're in my mouth.

Is there no way of mentally overcoming this?

I had cbt after a family crisis a few yrs ago and it was shit.

It's a BFRB — body-focussed repetitive behaviour. They're surprisingly common but most people who have them will hide them if possible — skin-picking, hair-plucking, nail-biting are the usual ones. The usual therapy for BFRBs and the one with the best evidence as far as I know is Habit Reversal Training/Therapy. You can look it up and get all the info you need on how to do it yourself, but it can be easier if you have a therapist experienced with it to help guide you through.

I have this fantasy of ignoring them. Completely.
the hard skin is rugged and picky, so my teeth just go to them. I want a solution that enables me to ignore the hard skin. It is so weird to want something and then go against it! Putting plasters or gloves on only mitigates it for a short time.

I have creams and deterrents, but nothing works. I think i need to attack this mentally.

Thanks you, will look into this.

Oh, that looks really sore - please try to get some help 💐

What about meditation? Might help the stress and in turn help the biting.

I have recently started cycling and yoga, nothing helps as it happens when i am relaxing.

I went to the gp about my skin picking and I was referred for support but they gave me half a google print out about cbt. Mine is skin picking of face and back. I have a lot of scars and a few sores but I’m not doing so bad at the minute. It’s the hardest habit to break because you cannot escape your own skin. Some things that help are becoming more aware of it- setting a timer to time how long you can leave your skin and trying to get it to be longer and longer. Wearing gloves in the house. It’s getting colder now so you can get away with gloves more. Every time you want to pick replace it with something else like putting moisturiser on. When you want to pick, imagine your nails bitten and imagine them if you left them alone. Don’t be angry at yourself and think sod it ill bite them all if you have a little slip up. It’s not the mistake that matters, it’s how you deal with it afterwards. Try a fidget spinner too

In my mind i know that it is a choice, i either put my finger in my mouth or i dont.

How to overcome the impulse to chew o the skin?

I am sat here now with several hard bits on my fingers and my fingers run over them and then they go to my mouth, it feels right to pull the hard skin off, as if i have no choice. God, if i could just say NO! STOP!

Definitely worth a try IMO — I've recently had a relapse of my hair-pulling after starting a medication that made the urges come back, so I'm currently back with a therapist tackling the situation.

BUT, before that, I used the Habit Reversal Training techniques to completely stop hair-pulling, and after a while of using the techniques, the urges just eventually died away. So I know that it definitely is possible through therapy and effort to stop actually doing the BFRB, and for the urges behind the BFRB to gradually go away too — it's not like you have to spend the rest of your life constantly using techniques and fighting urges.

Which is not to say that it won't potentially come back — it has for me, but I know I can deal with it now.

I also don't know if it'll work as well for you — I hope so. I know how infuriating it is to not feel in control.

That therapy is essentially CBT-based in its theoretical underpinnings but it feels really different from the patient perspective — not so much of the interminable thought records, more practical analysis of when, where, how, and why you do it, what you're getting out of it, and what to replace it with.

Can you bite something else instead?

You beauty, I do relate!

This makes so much sense. The NHS were useless, sadly, but I do suppose they have more serious things to deal with.

The setting a timer thing is interesting i will def give this a try~! Thank you.

christ tell me something more satisfying and i will chaw on it!

I bit my nails really badly but automatically stopped without really thinking about it when I started taking antidepressants.

I find I always have to be doing something when I'm thinking. I switch between biting my nails and hard skin around, picking my nose and squeezing potential spots on my face (and thus creating more). I've done it for years.
I wish I didn't, but it is just a habit.
It's the same for you. My nails would look the same if that's all I did. Thankfully because I do different things my nails get a bit of a rest, but still.

I have to consciously tell myself to stop. I have to try and be more aware of what I'm doing.
Probably not that helpful, but it is saving a few seconds worth of skin every time!

Oh love. Like a pp says, this is dermatilomania. In my case I’m an obsessive skin picker but as a child I used to gnaw my nails down to the quick. Anti-Ds helped me. I wasn’t prescribed then specifically for this, but it was a happy side effect. Basically they gave my brain a half second of buffer time between the urge to pick and the carrying it out. I don’t know if that’s something that might work for you, but I’m just throwing it out there. Also, I think it’s actually quite common so please don’t feel bad xx

Oh my God this is me. I honestly just thought it was a habit I couldn't break. I thank you for your post and will take in the advice. I am 49 and have had bails like this since I can remember.

God, habits like this are so hard to break but not impossible.

I have a dry hard skin problem behind my left ear. I pick it till it bleeds, then it scans over, and I pick it some more. It's soooooooooo satisfying!

I need to stop but I just don't. Sorry - no help to you, OP!