to think i am obscene?

[RosesandMoonshine]

I have suffered a weird sort of stress for two years, in that time i have somehow gone from being a nail biter to actually having no nails whatsoever. Like there is no remnant of nail left. Most of my fingers are open and sore and bitten, and there is no discernible nail left on any of my fingers.

I appreciate that this is bad, that I have a problem, but it is odd because it is a fairly solvable issue and my life isn't so bad at all. I am not struggling in obvious ways like money or abuse, etc.

However, I have, since my mother passed away, bitten my nails off completely and now have mangled stumps with sores and ripped skin. I have tried, time and again, to stop this, and it seems like I can't.
My hands are a mess, red and bloody and sore. My nail beds are destroyed and there is no remnant of nail there. If you google bitten nails, the pictures still show some nail. Mine are destroyed, like something out of a horror film. Sometimes I put short, false nails on, but the glue won't take as my nail bed is so mangled.

In real life I look ordinary and ok, you would never guess I have this fucked up secret. I hide them at all costs. Is there any way to trick the mind into stopping picking at hard skin? As I try so hard to quit eating them, the skin dries hard and tempts me to snig it off, opening up sores and more issues.

And you're not obscene, and it's not shameful or fucked-up — this kind of thing is really common, and the underlying reasons are so fundamental to us that similar types of behaviours are seen in lots of other species of animal. There's some evidence that a predisposition towards it is inherited, too. It's really not your fault and doesn't make you in any way all the horrible things you mention.

Other side of fingers where the skin was too good to ignore.

There is an app called I am sober which is good as a timer. Getting better will take time and it will always be a 2 step forward one step back type thing but please please remember not to be angry at yourself. It’s not at all your fault. If you google dermatilomania or compulsive skin picking you will find lots of info online and forums and things that are helpful. I wish you lots of luck.

Shiiit, i can see your point but i have even less nail than that. Thanks for posting that, it does make me feel less alone, but then I fear for both of us. Why do we do this, and how to stop? Mine are bleeding as i rip the hard skin at the top of the finger, so when i wash my hair the injured skin flaps sting like hell when exposed to water, It is so disabling.

Thank you to everyone who has offered a comment, I appreciate it so much :)

fuck yes this is me! how do we do this?

I used to have a nail varnish type thing that tasted gross when I was little and bit my nails, have you tried something like that?

I’ve seen these things on Etsy too, which are like a pumice stone that have rubbery stuff on them and a picker thing. Might something like that keep your hands busy when you want to pick and nibble?

I know the pain. I promised myself that I would get them presentable for my daughters wedding 3 weeks ago or long enough to gave fake ones. I failed. So all photos are of me hiding my hands. It is an actual compulsion and yours do look more extreme than mine which I have never seen. I have tried hypnotherapy and acupuncture but not CBT. I need help like you this isn't right but WE aren't OBSCENE xxx

thank you.
My dad was a nail biter but never chewed them all off. They were just short.

I bit my nails for 40 years, they were ok but chewed a bit. it is only in the pst 24 months that i have destroyed them, worried about infection, and tried so hard to sort it out. I can pin point a trauma (loss of my mum and cat, etc) but still can't fathom an excuse for this. I feel that if i could just ignore the goddamn hard skin i might be in with a chance.
I started yoga, meditation, and the results are great, but it never changes my urge to bite them!

I really really feel for you I wish I could help. Could you get something else to bite like honeycomb? I'm sure therapy will help but it will be a long hard road out of there

I have trichotillomania and dermotillomania and it is quite horrific. Sending my love

I sometimes think it is a sign that my relationship is really bad.
we have been together for 20yrs on and off, and he never commits or wants to share life with me. I have been living with him since the pandemic, and i hate it.

It is over for me, inside, but i am yet to move out and move on.
I am gaining confidence each day, and recovering well, but the finger thing is like a by-product hat i can't get over.

OP this isn't about your fingers is it? You're using this as a focal point when really it's a by-product of your bad relationship

Ahhh, @RosesandMoonshine I used to bite my nails so much. I'm not even sure why I did it, they looked pretty much like yours.

I just stopped one day. Literally stopped. Just looked at them and had enough of abusing myself like that. I was 47 when I stopped. I bit them for 40 years.

I think I'm similar, but not as extreme. I actually have nice nails, but boy oh boy if there is the tiniest catchy bit of skin or the side of a nail, I want to rip it off. The best solution I have found is to cut the skin off before I get a chance to chew. Best tool is cuticle scissors or cuticle nippers. I tend to use the nippers as mine seem to be hardier than my cuticle scissors and get much closer and so give a smoother, not rough finish. Then use a nail file to totally smooth the skin.

Early intervention by cutting the offending bits ASAP is the only way to stop my ripping the bejimminies out of my fingers.

You could also use cuticle oil to keep your fingers soft. Maybe try trim, file, oil, gloves for when you are at home "relaxing". Try to do it nightly or as frequently as needed to keep on top of the bits that get you started ripping. If you catch yourself chewing, immediately get the tools and trim, file, oil, glove. Keep them as close as possible to you so you don't have a delay to get them. Maybe even make yourself a travel pack so you are never caught in an emergency - it's so easy to set yourself back with one "quick" chew.

I've found you need to consistently change as soon as you catch the unwanted behaviour. I retrained my sleeping position by resetting each time I realised I was out of position. I was surprised it didn't take long at all given I was asleep, just consistent resetting when I roused enough to notice I was out of position.

I actually used to do this. The good news is that the nails grow back normally as soon as you let them. I went to the GP about it but they had nothing to offer except antidepressants, which I didn't want to take. I eventually stopped after my daughter was born because I didn't want her to see it, but giving it up was part of a wider process of improving my life/wellbeing/self esteem. I didn't have therapy. Just posting to let you know it is possible to stop on your own, but the nail biting is likely a symptom of a wider unhappiness you need to tackle. Best of luck x

They look so painful op 😢 hope you can find something that helps. I don’t really have any advice and a different situation here but I work with a child who has ASD and constantly picked their skin on their hands. We put some cello tape wound around and around a pen, board or something similar and he picked at that instead? Didn’t stop it completely but did help him.

For the initial stages it can be helpful to put plasters around the finger tips so you can't pick at them

I peel my nails, I'm autistic & it is one of the things I do when I'm stressed along with pulling bits of hair out.

I sympathise so much. I am a picker. Never chewed my nails
but absolutely get hooked on chewing inside
my cheek/ picking my scalp/ ears/ feet/ scabs. nose
This won't help you but the ONLY thing that breaks the
cycle
is having acrylic
nails. It is not as satisfying and then I stop. Works every time form me.

You've reminded me how I used to be so ashamed about my feet, I used to pick at the nails till they tore, and constantly pick at the heels and the underside till they bled, then scabbed, then bled again. I caused myself in growing toenails that became infected. And I stopped over a period of time - I don't even remember how or when. Now my feet are lovely, I show them off all the time and have no impulse to touch them in a negative way.

Sorry, I don't have any practical help but once you can nail the issue, so to speak, be reassured your body will just take over and repair itself.

My mum's picking basically stopped once she left my stepdad and mine is a hell of a lot better since leaving a bad relationship. I hope (and believe it's likely) yours will also improve when you remove one stressful aspect of your life

You poor thing.

Just a suggestion, would it be possible to leave your two little fingers as nibble-free zones? When that works, after a week add in the two ring fingers, then the two middle fingers etc.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Shit yes i think it is my relationship, and the sad thing is he would love to help.
But when it is over, it's over. I am in the process of leaving, in increments. He knows this and thankfully isnt trying ti stop it.

thank you for every single comment. it means so much.xxx

You are not obscene.

A former colleague of mine had this problem and he beat it by wearing cotton gloves and chewing licorice sticks (the woody ones)

I synmpathise. I do the same but wiht cuticles not nails. Gnawed down to the second knuckle on every finger, painful and bleeding but I cannot stop. The compulsion is extraordinary. I can't stop in public, in meetings, socially. I feel embarassed and can see people wincing but I absolutely have to bite the skin. Then end up sitting in weird positions to hide my hands.

You could try these I'm going to give them a go.

Look good but I do a lot of cooking and hand washing so they'd come off. It also would stop me working and typing. I guess i need something thinner that won;t stop me working. I have been consciously trying tonight and thankfully not nibbled them for a few hours!

Just this stopping when it goes to my mouth would be the best thing.To actually resist.