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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP just left me to walk home on my own

88 replies

bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 21:55

So DP and I have been out today . I had already mentioned that I had to pop in and feed my daughters cats as shes away tonight .So we got a cab to my daughters and we were going to walk to mine from there-it’s about a 15-20 minute walk -some of it is quite isolated past woods etc. it was also dark by now. So i left him outside my daughters and said I’d only be 5 mins or so in my her place and I’d catch him up-but to walk slowly and wait for me anyway. So fed the cats, left my daughters -no sign of him. Called him and he said he was about five mins from mine. I’m streetwise , I’m confident -but aibu here to think he shouldn’t have shot off like that?Im at mine now-he’s been he's been here for a while and he can’t see why I’m pissed off with him!

OP posts:
brownwhisker · 10/09/2022 21:56

But you told him to go and you would catch him up?

Scianel · 10/09/2022 21:56

Why didn't he come in with you?

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/09/2022 21:56

Why not just ask him to wait?

FiveShelties · 10/09/2022 21:58

Why did you leave him outside?

Testina · 10/09/2022 21:58

It’s a 15 minute walk. He’d done 10 mins of it. You probably took more than 5 mins to get it, feed cats, lock up…
You told him to go on and you’d catch up.
I don’t think he’s a fault here.
It just seems crackers to expect him to walk at half speed instead of just getting him to come in with you or just wait 5 mins.

Leeds2 · 10/09/2022 21:58

I would be a bit pissed off with that too.

StopFeckingFaffing · 10/09/2022 21:59

If you wanted him to wait you should have asked him to

SnarkyBag · 10/09/2022 21:59

Why didn’t he just go in with you and wait? Why tell to walk slowly and then wait?

Chdjdn · 10/09/2022 21:59

I don’t really understand why you expected him to wait 15 minutes (that’s my guess if he was 5 mins from home when you called him) in the dark rather than go in with you. It sounds like a miscommunication really

Coughee · 10/09/2022 21:59

I'd be confused if I was him too. If you're that worried about walking home alone why did you tell him to carry on and you'd catch him up? He probably took from that that you were happy to walk alone.

dudsville · 10/09/2022 21:59

You have him a clear message to start on. It would have been odd for him to stop at an odd point or back track, and why ask him to start but walk slowly? I get that in polite company you wait for the other person, and i agree he could have worked that out, but you did tell him to start on back.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 22:00

Sorry should have said he’s allergic to cat fur and would have been sneezing, streaming etc

OP posts:
Testina · 10/09/2022 22:00

You also could have said, “oh you got back faster than I thought! I don’t like walking past the woods on my own - could you come back out to meet me please?”

Testina · 10/09/2022 22:01

bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 22:00

Sorry should have said he’s allergic to cat fur and would have been sneezing, streaming etc

So he could have waited outside. “You go on - I’ll catch you up” means - you go on, I’ll catch up.

JulesCobb · 10/09/2022 22:03

why did you leave your partner outside?

DenholmElliot1 · 10/09/2022 22:04

You told him too and he did.

How is he normally? Is he normally polite, caring and gentlemanly? If so, I'd let this go.

SianNotAMan · 10/09/2022 22:05

You left him outside, told him to head off, and said you’d catch him up. He did exactly what you asked, and you’re now unhappy with him?

The poor man, he can’t win, can he? For some reason you don’t allow him in with you, tell him what to do, he does it, and you still get the hump?

He needs to leave you.

SianNotAMan · 10/09/2022 22:06

Leeds2 · 10/09/2022 21:58

I would be a bit pissed off with that too.

Then you are as mental as the OP.

SpinCityBlues · 10/09/2022 22:06

Next time, I think you should clearly ask him to wait, as this scenario hasn't worked out for you.

Is there a reason why he wouldn't come back for you, if you'd rung and asked?

(Is this a reverse?)

C1N1C · 10/09/2022 22:07

So you told him to leave, he did... you told him to walk slowly, he probably did, you didn't manage to catch up to him like you'd hoped... sorry, this is on you. Why tell him to walk, but wait for you? In the middle of the woods?? Either have him wait (5 minutes is nothing if he's playing on his phone), or tell him to walk home... Telling him to walk and you'll catch up in the middle of nowhere is just begging for misinterpretation and things not going as hoped. I'd be pissed if I were him that you are using your poor instructions against him as justification to start a fight.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 22:09

SianNotAMan I’m not mental ! Just pissed off !

OP posts:
LIZS · 10/09/2022 22:09

You told him to go on ahead. Do you live together, does he have a key?

NuffSaidSam · 10/09/2022 22:10

I think you have very confusing instructions.

Don't wait. Walk. But don't walk too quickly.

Why not just tell him to wait outside?

I think this is on you.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 10/09/2022 22:11

SianNotAMan I’m not mental ! Just pissed off !

"Start the walk home without me, dear"

"HOW DARE YOU START THE WALK HOME WITHOUT ME. I MUST START AN MN THREAD."

You think that's rational behaviour?

Riseabove · 10/09/2022 22:12

A decent man would have waited so you didn’t have to walk home on your own in the dark