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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP just left me to walk home on my own

88 replies

bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 21:55

So DP and I have been out today . I had already mentioned that I had to pop in and feed my daughters cats as shes away tonight .So we got a cab to my daughters and we were going to walk to mine from there-it’s about a 15-20 minute walk -some of it is quite isolated past woods etc. it was also dark by now. So i left him outside my daughters and said I’d only be 5 mins or so in my her place and I’d catch him up-but to walk slowly and wait for me anyway. So fed the cats, left my daughters -no sign of him. Called him and he said he was about five mins from mine. I’m streetwise , I’m confident -but aibu here to think he shouldn’t have shot off like that?Im at mine now-he’s been he's been here for a while and he can’t see why I’m pissed off with him!

OP posts:
NumptiesIncorporated · 10/09/2022 22:13

So if it's a 15-20 minutes walk, and you were five minutes, and he was five minutes from yours when you left... Do you think he was running? Because those numbers just don't add up.

It looks like you took longer than you said - is he supposed to telepathically know that? You told him to head to yours, he did exactly what you asked...

Completelyovernonsense · 10/09/2022 22:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 22:14

It’s no major row-but I’ve just asked him how he’d feel if one of his daughters partners did that and he says he’d be pissed off

OP posts:
PetalParty · 10/09/2022 22:16

He should have waited. He must have been absent when they were handing out initiative and chivalry. Even if he just hadn’t stopped to think, which is bad enough, he should have apologised once he saw you were upset. As long as you didn’t shout at him or speak to him rudely.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 10/09/2022 22:19

But you told him to go on? If you didn't want him to go on, why tell him to?!

SirCharlesRainier · 10/09/2022 22:20

Riseabove · 10/09/2022 22:12

A decent man would have waited so you didn’t have to walk home on your own in the dark

You could just as easily say a decent man would follow his partner's request rather than assuming he knows her mind better than she does

I'd imagine this is the kind of thing that will keep happening if you keep setting secret tests with contradictory instructions that rely on him being able to read your mind.

SianNotAMan · 10/09/2022 22:20

bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 22:09

SianNotAMan I’m not mental ! Just pissed off !

I disagree. Being pissed off after he did exactly what you asked him to do is ludicrous.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 22:20

Not ranted at all . Just suggested he shouldn’t have shot off like a rocket

OP posts:
SianNotAMan · 10/09/2022 22:21

Riseabove · 10/09/2022 22:12

A decent man would have waited so you didn’t have to walk home on your own in the dark

And then he’d be getting crucified for not doing what she asked.

The poor guy can’t win.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 10/09/2022 22:22

bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 22:20

Not ranted at all . Just suggested he shouldn’t have shot off like a rocket

So why did you tell him to go and not ask him to stay? You sound hard work

SpinCityBlues · 10/09/2022 22:23

bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 22:14

It’s no major row-but I’ve just asked him how he’d feel if one of his daughters partners did that and he says he’d be pissed off

And then you said ...?

Vapeyvapevape · 10/09/2022 22:26

Even if he had walked slower , you would still have had to walk alone at some point while you were catching him up.

CoolerThanIceCream · 10/09/2022 22:27

bagpuss90 · 10/09/2022 22:09

SianNotAMan I’m not mental ! Just pissed off !

So next time, ask him to wait for you outside, instead of setting off.

I mean, isn’t it obvious?

P.S. Confused

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 10/09/2022 22:27

Blimey, he did as you asked. The man can’t win. If I was him I’d be side eying you grimly

LadyWithLapdog · 10/09/2022 22:27

It’s annoying but the message wasn’t clear enough. Once I was with DH who crossed the road to go to an ATM. He told me to carry on and he’d catch up with me. So I did. Then turned back. Then started again and so on. It turns out he’d carried on on the opposite pavement to me so he didn’t see me (it was also dark and he was a bit drunk). We kept going back and forth like numpties.

Noteverybodylives · 10/09/2022 22:30

So you told him to start walking and then acted shocked and annoyed that he wasn’t there and had done exactly what you said to do???

You sound VERY hard work!!

Cherryblossoms85 · 10/09/2022 22:31

You do you, but personally I can't stand the idea that women are so vulnerable they can't walk anywhere alone. That just gets back to the old "she shouldn't be surprised if she's attacked out alone" that was the view when I was little. I'm a grown ass adult.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 10/09/2022 22:32

If he'd shot off like a rocket, he'd have been home by the time you called him - it sounds like he wandered off as instructed, and you are irrationally annoyed at him for doing exactly what you told him to 🙄

HorribleHerstory · 10/09/2022 22:33

I’ve just come back from a walk. I went out at about 9.15 and walked for an hour to clear my head after work. Paths past pubs, two parks, main road then woods and fields on the way back.

What should my decent man have done about that? Stood in front of me and refused to let me leave the house? Followed me at 20m distance to prove himself a decent man? Should my relatives be pissed off with him for letting me walk in the dark on my own? I must inform them immediately.

that’s a s batshit as your op op, sorry

saraclara · 10/09/2022 22:48

So even if he walked slowly and was only four minutes away when you set off exactly five minutes after you left him, and he continued walking at that rate, well you'd have to run consistently to catch up with him before he got home.

There's a maths problem in this story. I'm not good enough at maths to work out the formula to show what a daft instruction this was to give him, but maybe someone else is.

SianNotAMan · 10/09/2022 22:51

saraclara · 10/09/2022 22:48

So even if he walked slowly and was only four minutes away when you set off exactly five minutes after you left him, and he continued walking at that rate, well you'd have to run consistently to catch up with him before he got home.

There's a maths problem in this story. I'm not good enough at maths to work out the formula to show what a daft instruction this was to give him, but maybe someone else is.

Even if he only set off a minute before her she’d still have to get a real move on to catch him in four or five minutes.

CoolerThanIceCream · 10/09/2022 22:58

I mean, if you expected him to walk along at a 90YO’s pace so that you could be assured of catching up to him, why not just have him wait outside for you?

This is a ‘you’ problem, OP.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/09/2022 23:03

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 10/09/2022 22:11

SianNotAMan I’m not mental ! Just pissed off !

"Start the walk home without me, dear"

"HOW DARE YOU START THE WALK HOME WITHOUT ME. I MUST START AN MN THREAD."

You think that's rational behaviour?

Got to agree with this. You told him to go.

Lucyintheskywithrubies · 10/09/2022 23:03

You’re being a martyr OP. You told him to go.

If you were that worried you could’ve told him to come back or got a cab.

empireemmy · 11/09/2022 08:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the poster.

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