DP just left me to walk home on my own

[bagpuss90]

So DP and I have been out today . I had already mentioned that I had to pop in and feed my daughters cats as shes away tonight .So we got a cab to my daughters and we were going to walk to mine from there-it’s about a 15-20 minute walk -some of it is quite isolated past woods etc. it was also dark by now. So i left him outside my daughters and said I’d only be 5 mins or so in my her place and I’d catch him up-but to walk slowly and wait for me anyway. So fed the cats, left my daughters -no sign of him. Called him and he said he was about five mins from mine. I’m streetwise , I’m confident -but aibu here to think he shouldn’t have shot off like that?Im at mine now-he’s been he's been here for a while and he can’t see why I’m pissed off with him!

The title of the thread should be “DH did what I asked of him”

You told him to carry on, he carried on and now you're pissed off?

If you give somebody a five minute head start you'd never catch them unless they were crawling

I'm a woman, not a werewolf. In most places I'm quite happy to walk alone at sunset.

No, he's not the unreasonable one, you are.
You're one of these who he offers the last biscuit to, then eats it when you refuse it, only for you to moan that he ate the last biscuit.

YANBU, he could either waited n the front garden or walked slowly and waited in the woods.

Is this a one off or is he usually thoughtless / selfish?

If it’s a one off, I would explain that the walk is much scarier for women given we are more vulnerable.

But this is about the OP, who is nervous, so you being happy to walk in the dark is irrelevant.

He's allergic to cat fur. Leave her ? Bloody hell what an over reaction

Agreed. OP gave confusing instructions, but in this scenario I feel pretty confident that my DP wouldn't want me to walk through dark woods on my own, even if I had said go on without me. He would've stopped and waited.

You told him to carry on and you'd catch him up.

A decent man would have waited so you didn’t have to walk home on your own in the dark

I disagree. A decent man is one who listens and respects what others say. In this instance OP told him to go on ahead. He listened. He did as she asked. He gave her respect. The idea that he would be more of a decent man by ignoring what she told him to do and standing by to protect her is ridiculous.

I am very confident that DH would not have considered leaving without me. But I also wouldn’t have told him to set off. It was only a 15 minute walk, if course he was going to get home well before you, he is not going to walk along as if he is in a funeral procession.

So nervous OP should not have told him to go on ahead.

Why did he have to wait outside?

Why did you both agree for him to walk ahead, if that actually upset and frightened you?

You did not communicate clearly

But I say that as someone who walks anywhere on her own at any time (probably unwisely so)

Yep.

If you wanted him to wait, tell him so. Men aren't mind readers.

Is this some sort of joke?

You told him to set off but judged him as walking too fast, so it’s his fault you are mad?

Maybe you just walk too slow?

If this was me and dp and he asked me ‘how would you feel if your kids were left to walk home’ I would tell him that I thought they were a bit of a nightmare for telling someone to set off and try and impose a speed limit on their walking. Then moaning about it later because they walked too slow to catch up.

The she shouldn’t have told him to set off.

I'd suggest he did not "shoot off" but just walked at a normal pace for him when he's alone. Men do, on average, walk faster than women.

So a 15 minute walk together would perhaps only take him 10 minutes when he's alone.

You should have asked him to wait for you. Especially as, even if he DOESN'T walk much faster than you, he would still have had a clear head start on you.
And you were probably inside longer than you realised too. It happens.

If there is a next time. Just ask him to wait.

This seems like a drama you created! Appreciate he's allergic to cats but why not just ask him to wait outside for the few mins it would take you to feed them & then walk home together?? 🤷‍♀️ Why tell him to go on ahead & then be pissed off that he did just that??!!

So despite what you said (go on ahead) your DP wouldn't believe you would be capable of walking home alone.

Why can't people just say what they mean and then what they say be taken at face value? Why do we have to play these fucking games where we say one thing but mean something else or where the listener ignores a perfectly simple request because they think they know better.

I am going to guess there’s a history of you carrying drama in your own life and playing Victim. A history of completely over reacting then moaning how badly done to you are.

Actually this is what OP said:

I left him outside my daughters and said I’d only be 5 mins or so in my her place and I’d catch him up - but to walk slowly and wait for me anyway.

I would interpret that to mean start walking and I'll catch you up, but don't go all the way without me. It is open to interpretation though, as this thread has clearly shown.

I still stand by the fact that my own partner wouldn't let me walk through woodland on my own at night, even if I had given instruction (albeit confusingly) to go on ahead. I would do the same for him tbh.

I would interpret that to mean start walking and I'll catch you up, but don't go all the way without me.

So what's he supposed to do if she doesn't catch him up? Linger on a random street until she does? Go back for her?

In this scenario, presumably wait before going into the dark woodland without her?

I sense that the people saying DH is only doing what OP asked her to are being deliberately argumentative here. Unless the same people genuinely think that we should all just blindly follow instructions without any room for nuance or independent thinking.

@Calphurnia88 lingering around isolated woods is much more dangerous than walking past them.