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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder how you can do a speech at a funeral?

103 replies

cheathimsilly · 10/09/2022 13:07

Seems so hard.

It would mean a great deal to me if I could do it for someone I love; but I fear I'd be a blubbering mess! Unable to pull myself together

How did Charles do it yesterday? Admittedly not a funeral speech but he spoke to the nation etc and was being recorded, all whilst his beloved mama just
Passed away

How do people stop themselves from crying? He was completely composed

OP posts:
Tomikka · 10/09/2022 17:39

cheathimsilly · 10/09/2022 13:07

Seems so hard.

It would mean a great deal to me if I could do it for someone I love; but I fear I'd be a blubbering mess! Unable to pull myself together

How did Charles do it yesterday? Admittedly not a funeral speech but he spoke to the nation etc and was being recorded, all whilst his beloved mama just
Passed away

How do people stop themselves from crying? He was completely composed

I had a crappy year with three funerals.

You can either do this or you can’t, and as mentioned by some posters it’s not whether or not you’re a ‘public speaker’
That helps, but you are trapped in emotions, that could make it impossible or perfection.

The first was my best friend, after I had to break into her flat to find her
She had fully planned her funeral, and had chosen her reading from the novel
of Aliens.
It was after I gave that reading that I was asked to do the others

The second was my gran. I effectively used her funeral as a weeks holiday getting back to the island I was born on and to be away from the world.
I was a pall bearer and gave a traditional reading.
It was basically being sat next to my mad uncle having him joke & comment about everyone coming to see her off that got me through.
(I was more ‘happy’ that she had a good life and lived it her way, but it was hard to do)

The final that year was my dads, I would not have coped and refused to speak. I spent my time their propping up my mother

But for the first of them, having found her and been emotionally ripped apart to be a zombie for weeks I was determined to fulfill her wishes and get the talk done well.
My practical preparation was to take the text and print it in the largest text I could fit on A5 and laminate it, then repeatedly read it out to myself

On the day my preparation was being smothered by our friends in turn and not being left alone.
In the minutes before I was to step up I blanked the world out, composing myself.

Then stepping up, I looked around the room and down to my paper, gripping the lecturn for dear life I took a deep breath and looked up again opening with the first line “Why?”, and stopped.
I had to stop and recompose throughout, but that was taken as part of the piece rather than me breaking up inside.
Walking back and sitting down allowed me to to release having achieved the only thing I needed to get through

DustyMaiden · 10/09/2022 17:39

My brothers funeral is coming up soon. I would love to speak but there is no way I’ll remain composed. I’m wondering if recording in advance would work.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/09/2022 17:53

I “cheated” and recorded my DPs eulogy as we had a big funeral which was live-streamed and had a speaker for those who couldn’t fit in the chapel. Just as well because I spent the service literally slugging vodka from a flask behind my veil (lifestyle Goths) …. I could not have done it live…..

His Aunt was the minister who led proceedings and did her own “family” eulogy - my God, she was amazing - strong Northern Christian stock…..

A few years before my DP passed, he’d been the subject of a ten minute documentary cos he had a niche profession and was a bit of a celeb on the local alternative scene, so after my eulogy played, he virtually did his own……

Most surreal.

But recording it was definitely the only way I could have done it for him. I think I’d be able to do my parents live, but if it was any of my kids - can’t even think about it.

Thoughts to anyone in this position - it’s almost unbearably hard x

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