To wonder how you can do a speech at a funeral?

[cheathimsilly]

Seems so hard.

It would mean a great deal to me if I could do it for someone I love; but I fear I'd be a blubbering mess! Unable to pull myself together

How did Charles do it yesterday? Admittedly not a funeral speech but he spoke to the nation etc and was being recorded, all whilst his beloved mama just
Passed away

How do people stop themselves from crying? He was completely composed

I'm not sure he's grief stricken tbh. He looks pretty thrilled.

The

My siblings and I did it at our father's funeral. I did have to finish my brother's bit of the speech as he started to get emotional. For me public speaking frightens me as I have little self confidence, so I think my fear of speaking in front of everyone overtook my emotions for Dad in that moment. His death was also a slow one, so in a way I had already been grieving for a long time. The Queen's death was so sudden, it still must be a shock for them.

I've done it. Practice practice practice. And keep the emotional bits to short sentences.

After my father died, I was staying with my mum. In the middle of the night, I woke up and wrote a eulogy for him, I hadn't expected to, I just felt the need. I read it at his funeral, it felt the right thing to do, and comforted me. But I am can imagine it would be impossible for lots of people.

Not wanting to minimise anyone else’s grief, but being at your own child’s funeral must be one of the worst situations imaginable. It’s not at all a surprise that you got upset, pretty much anyone would have done in that situation. It goes against the natural order of things and can’t be compared with the death of an elderly person which is expected. Please don’t be cross with yourself, you tried your best, it’s all anyone could have done. So sorry for your loss

I spoke at my wife's funeral. I akmost broke down, but I didn't. That whole day I was very taken up with making sure everything went to plan, and with welcoming guests who'd travelling long distances.

I have done 2
Like lots of grown up things you don’t want to do you just get on with it

I spoke at my Dad’s funeral and then my brother spoke at our Mum’s funeral. We both did a bloody good job, if I do say so myself. Somehow you get through it.

Though to be fair, I’m really not a crier in general, and most of my grieving for my parents was done privately. Not that I planned it that way, it’s just that I am very good at controlling outward expressions of my emotions (and this isn’t necessarily a good thing. It’s handy if you want to speak at a loved one’s funeral, but in general, blocking or ‘switching off’ emotions isn’t particularly healthy).

I totally understand why many people don’t feel able to do it, but I actually enjoyed being able to tell a crowd of people how special my dad was. When someone you love very much has died, one of the worst things is seeing the world just keep turning and people going about their day as though nothing has changed. I found I wanted to talk about my parents; even to strangers in supermarkets. You want the world to know that someone very special has died. The funeral is a good opportunity to do this.

Why would that medication help, if you don't mind me asking?

For me, I rehearse it a few times, then when it comes to speaking at the event, I focus on the words and just get through, as I want to do the very best job for the loved one who has passed. Voice always cracks on the last sentence though.

I did my mum's eulogy, my bestie's mum's eulogy (she was like a second mum to me and my bestie or bestie's dad couldn't face doing it, so they asked me to speak) and also spoke at my other bestie's life celebration service after she completed suicide, and also spoke at that friends Nan's life celebration, as her nan had been part of my life since I was a baby.

Man, this post is making me reflect on how I've been to too many funerals of loved ones recently...

You just kinda steel yourself to get through really in answer to your question @cheathimsilly

Absolutely no idea! Sobbed all the way through my DMs funeral and had to be supported by my Cousin! The Vicar did all the speeches .Poor old Charles he is in at the deep end.Of course hes used to speaking publicly ,but a bit different in this case.Now having to get used to being King after a lifetime of waiting

I can’t speak for that poster but I was on a high dosage of Sertraline for several years and it really numbed my emotions (both good and bad).

Said it so much better than I did...

DH and his brother both read eulogy’s at MIL’s funeral a few years ago. They rehearsed their speeches over and over until they could get through without breaking down. The first 3 or 4 times they had to stop and compose themselves , but after that they were able to keep going until they got to the point that it was almost automatic.

The Priest took over when I tried to read at my Granddads funeral as I was reduced to a snotty gasping wreck in seconds. I wasn't expecting it as I'd practised for almost a week.

I did at my fathers funeral.
Kept it together and managed to do it.
I was unable to face the wake though as I was emotionally drained

I’ve never cried at a funeral. Including my mothers, best friends, or the small service for one of my babies.

a funeral isn’t a place I can cry, blubber or break down. It’s not for that (for me). It’s a formal event. A public event. For stiff-upper-lipping and small talk and getting through the million people who say sorry for your loss and ask you how you are, pointlessly. They know you aren’t good, you know you aren’t, but the funeral is there so you can smile best you can and say you are fine.

I wrote and read my DW's eulogy, but the hardest thing was probably reading out the things our DC had written about Mummy, but got through it. I think you just have to brace yourself and know it's ok to upset if that happens, it takes away that element of pressure and concern.

I did my father’s eulogy. I’ve done a bit of public speaking and am able to switch into a mode of just doing things without feeling overwhelmed. And there wasn’t anyone else in the family who could face it.

I have spoken at close relatives' funerals.

But, like you, I would find it very difficult to see my child out.

So sorry for your loss 💐

I did a reading at my beloved grandmother's funeral, we were very close. I held it together until after the reading, as did my cousin who was doing the first reading - also helped that he held it together until after my reading too. I felt that it was better for family to be doing the readings than a stranger, and that's how I coped. DH sat one side of me and cousin the other during the service. DH did the eulogy at his mum's funeral and it seemed to me to be a final act of love. I wanted that for my granny. No criticism of those who can't though, I read the eulogy my brother had written for our uncle at uncle's funeral as DB didn't feel able to as he was close to uncle. Again, we wanted it to be family rather than the vicar. Sobbed after all of them though.

I spoke at my dad’s and did the eulogy at my mum’s. I was on autopilot.

But I’m not great at accessing my feelings at stressful times. I put them in a box and they ambush me later, when I’m least expecting it.

I did a reading at my mum's funeral. At points I cried or was holding back tears. It helped that there weren't many guests and I could sense them all willing me on and not judging me. My brother did a speech and didn't cry at all. Do it, and don't care if you cry or not. It's a funeral so people honestly won't care and will understand if the emotion comes out

My dad is an amazing public speaker. He gave the eulogy at the funeral of his mum, his beloved MiL on behalf of my mum and her siblings, at various uncles/aunts and most heartbreakingly, when we lost my brother.

Listening to my dad share anecdotes and memories made us laugh out loud.

Listening to him speak so unwaveringly, and without falter of how he held my brother after he took his first breath, and held him as he took his last, made us all weep.

I have never been prouder of anyone - to have the composure to speak so eloquently and passionately of his son and being able to connect to the 200 people at his funeral, was amazing.

Some people have an amazing ability to compartmentalize and speak with emotion but without succumbing to it. I admire anyone who is able to do so.