To wonder how you can do a speech at a funeral?

[cheathimsilly]

Seems so hard.

It would mean a great deal to me if I could do it for someone I love; but I fear I'd be a blubbering mess! Unable to pull myself together

How did Charles do it yesterday? Admittedly not a funeral speech but he spoke to the nation etc and was being recorded, all whilst his beloved mama just
Passed away

How do people stop themselves from crying? He was completely composed

CelebrateAndDream, I am a fellow celebrant and have done close family members funerals. As you say, you know that no one could do it better and it gave me strength being able to do something and it really helped other family members having me as they felt so well guided and supported with my funeral knowledge.
If you are localish to me I would be more than happy to be a back up/moral support for you just in case when the time comes. X

I read at my Dad's. He always hated funerals and said they should be a celebration of someone and not morbid with crying. He was crackers and loved making people laugh. In the first paragraph, I read out three stupid things he'd done and everyone was laughing. Knowing he would have loved hearing people laughing gave me the courage to finish the speech.

Afterwards at the wake, people came up to me and told me other daft things he'd said or done that they remembered which I enjoyed hearing about.

I have a reading at my grandmother’s funeral. It was really hard. My dad didn’t make it through his speech. So we only heard about my grandma’s life until she was about 25. He just couldn’t do it. He was upset the rest didn’t get said but he’d only written it as one word prompts so the rest of us couldn’t take over.

I have learnt from this that there needs to be a back up script. And someone who is likely to be able to read it out needs to be on hand as a back up.

He is used to speaking in public, has had decades of swallowing his true feelings, and is of an age that he has experienced those close to him dying several times and can deal with it.

Agreed. I've sadly attended 5 funerals where parents were burying their children. How you cope in that situation is right no matter what you do. You didn't mess up op you were coping as best as you could.

I’ve done it. Adrenalin gets you through. I did read it aloud a lot beforehand. That helps

My parents asked me to say some words at my sister’s funeral - they couldn’t. I refused, despite being the kind of loud mouth who likes the sound of my own voice

My quiet, autistic brother is not a natural public speaker and was as distraught as me. He gave the most amazing and very beautiful speech. He’d written it out in full, so if need be he could just read it, but once he started he just got into the flow.

I don’t know how he did it. I just know I was proud to be his sister that day.

I spoke at my husbands funeral and even if I do say so myself I aced it ❤️❤️❤️☺️☺️

@Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies, how lovely; your brother sounds great. I’m so sorry you lost your sister. 💐

I wrote and read out my nan's eulogy. My uncle asked me as I don't think he could have - he wrote and read out my grandpa's.

It was hard but ok as she was 93 and had had a lovely life. There was lots to write about and she has enough quirks and Nan-isms to make it a bit funny too.

If you had asked me before she had died it I could do it, I would have said no way!

I read the poem my Mum had chosen for her own funeral, I practiced quite a bit before the day and wanted to do right for her.

I was told I did it beautifully, so I'm pleased for her.

I read at my nan’s, just read the words

I've seen people go to pieces during the reading. It's awful in a way but also, everyone at the funeral loved the person and they understand. When it's happened if they haven't managed to take a moment and continue, someone else close to them has come up, put an arm around them and read for them if they needed to.

I spoke at both my mother's and my father's funerals. We didn't have an officiant of any kind so I took that role. My sister, father (at my mother's!), close friends all spoke without crying. The thing is, speaking at a funeral is no more difficult or sad or upsetting than all the days that have gone before. In fact it is one of the more positive parts!!! You don't suddenly and unexpectedly realise that the person has died and that you love them and miss them when you say the words out loud. You write the speech and do your crying then. You practice the words over and over so they have lost their ability to catch you out. Then you stand up and start talking and kind of get into the speaking zone. Or at least I do. It possibly helps that I speak in front of groups quite a lot for my job. Getting started is the hardest, especially when you can see your sister, children, nephews full of tears in front of you.

I think you are more likely to cry when someone else speaks words you have not heard before, perhaps for someone not quite as close to you so you've not been thinking about it all the time so then it suddenly hits you unexpectedly. In the case of both my parents, officiating at the funeral was the easy bit.

You did not mess up

@mice

Thank you! I'm in the north west x

My dad and sister in law spoke at my brother's funeral. I don't know how they did it. I was a wreck and had to have my eulogy read out.

I read at my son's funeral - I wrote the eulogy and my BiL did volunteer to do the reading but I felt that it was the last thing I could do for my boy. I tried to get something in there for everyone, immediate family, both sets of grandparents and his friends, and tried to include family jokes (*) and stories. Somehow, I got through it, with laughs in the appropriate places, and then blubbed like a little girl with a squashed hamster afterwards - in fact writing this now has unleashed a platoon of onion cutting ninjas - but it was a job that needed doing and I'm glad I could do it.

(*) from the eulogy - We also had family jokes that would be unleashed, usually in the vicinity of more ‘normal’ families on our trips out. These included in response to the question “What’s the rule?” all three boys responding, in unison “If we don’t have fun we will be beaten”. This would normally engender a number of confused or concerned glances from on-lookers.

I spoke at both of my grandparents funerals, and twice at my beloved dad’s funeral (did my own speech then later did my DD’s for her as she was too emotional). I didn’t cry during any of them, or at any part of the funerals. I had complete sobbing emotional breakdowns later on though. I’m just good at hiding my emotions when necessary.

I spoke very briefly at my Mums funeral - it was fine. But I cry about her all the time, just not in public.

I do it because I wouldn’t want anyone else to do it. I concentrate on the sound of my voice rather than the content of what I’m saying.

My sister and I both wanted to read a poem at my mums funeral. My sister did brilliantly, I sobbed and she asked if I wanted her to finish for me but I wanted to finish.

I did the same for my dad and sobbed like you wouldn't believe. I only composed myself when my sister came and stood by my side. After reading at my mums it was something I felt I had to do for my dad.

I won't be doing a reading when my dear step dad passes away. I can't put myself through it again.

A friend and her sister did the eulogy for her father recently. They pre-recorded it and it was played at the service. Less pressure on them and they had lots of chances to get it right.

I did the eulogy for both my parents. DH did it for his father and his aunt. I can control my tears in that situation. I knew what I was going to say about them was important for me and my family. I cried later in the cermony.

My friend delivered the eulogy at her daughter's funeral. It was wonderful. No one loved her more.

One thing though is I asked to do the eulogy before the service began properly. It would have been too hard to sit through the entire service and then deliver it.