To wonder how you can do a speech at a funeral?

[cheathimsilly]

Seems so hard.

It would mean a great deal to me if I could do it for someone I love; but I fear I'd be a blubbering mess! Unable to pull myself together

How did Charles do it yesterday? Admittedly not a funeral speech but he spoke to the nation etc and was being recorded, all whilst his beloved mama just
Passed away

How do people stop themselves from crying? He was completely composed

Well Charles' speech was recorded, so he had plenty of chances to redo if required.

In fact, I did wonder if he just re-recorded the speech every few weeks or so - one less thing to worry about when his mother did die - but I imagine not, the "optics" wouldn't be good if that got out, however practical the idea!

I did the eulogy at a very close relative's funeral. I wanted it to be personal, done by someone close to them, rather than being read by someone who hadn't met them. Feeling that I wanted to honour the deceased and do a good job for the people present got me through it, despite me never being a public speaker.

I wrote and delivered the eulogy at my stillborn sons funeral. I had no idea until that day that I had such strength in me, but when it came to it he was my baby boy and he deserved nothing less from me and that's what got me through.
I think the secret might be to do an awful lot of snottery sobbing before and after the event, as long as you can hold it together during.
I feel so sorry for King Charles - everyone else in the country gets bereavement leave and he gets chucked head first into his new job when his Mum dies. Not sure what his secret is because he's not had time to catch a breath never mind get some snottery sobbing done. He's probably feeling quite numb.

I read at my aunt's funeral. I am a massive weeper, so was worried about falling to pieces. My dad recommended I go and read it 100 times to the sheep outside, until it didn't mean so much to me and took away some of the sting. It worked - it meant a lot to me to be able to do it.

I did a 7 min Eulogy at my dad’s funeral. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I practiced it on my own every night in the week before the funeral, then in front of my eldest son (we cried so much), gradually I was used to saying it without crying. On the day I was so nervous, but I fixed on someone in the congregation who was an old neighbour so wasn’t crying and was actively listening. I read it all without a tear, nearly broke down at the end but just held it together.

it was important to me, I didn’t want a stranger talking about his life, I wanted to give everyone the story of his life, what was important to him, funny stories etc. I had people tell me they genuinely enjoyed the service, best they’ve been to (we did a video too and meaningful songs etc). It was the last thing I could do for my dad and I was determined I’d be doing it.

I did it for a parent who died young and suddenly.
I enjoyed being able to do it, if that makes sense. I only wobbled at the very start and that was due to what I had to say at that point. I actually got a round of applause, which was unexpected.

That said, public speaking is something I do often. That and being on stage. I know not everyone has those skills so it doesn't bother or surprise me if others can't or don't want to.

I read a poem at my mum's funeral. It was hard and my voice broke a bit in the end but you get through.

I also googled how to write and deliver an eulogy. Lots of tips available. One thing that stuck out to me was it said it’s an incredible honour to be asked (or offer) to deliver someone’s eulogy, and it really is. I kept that at the back of my mind

My DH wrote a eulogy for his dad's funeral but it was read out by the vicar. I don't think either he or his siblings could have read anything out.

I expect my sister will want to speak at our parent's funerals.

I did it for my Mum and Dad. I was careful not to make eye contact with anyone whilst doing the readings.

I also have found that practising reading it out load lots of times beforehand really helps. You cry each time until you've cried everything out in relation to those particular words - and then you can get through it without crying.

Sorry *out loud

I think it's one of those things that people cannot predict how they will cope until it's their turn . Sometimes if someone's death has been difficult and protracted the grieving has taken place over a long period of time . I did a reading at my dad's funeral . I hadn't initially planned to but my brother didn't want to and we are only a small family. The minister read the eulogy but I didn't want there to have been no family involvement so I stepped up.

I spoke at my grandmother's funeral, in her native lanuage, which is not a language I use day to day, although I can speak it and understand it. My mum helped me write it as it's her first language. I think having to really think about what I was saying was a factor in not letting the emotion overtake me. I stand up and talk in front of people all day, every day, and am used to performing on stage. Those three factors meant I was very composed. I was a mess before the funeral, and after too.

My parents died within 16 months of each other and I spoke at both funerals. The priest was very kind and said that if I wasn’t able to begin or continue he would speak the words I had chosen for me and would pick up if I started to falter. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able get through it as I was a mess but somehow I managed. As a pp said, you won’t know how you feel until the moment arrives and no-one judges you whatever happens.

Charles was composed but you could see he was understandably holding back his tears.

Sorry for your loss OP and all the others on this thread who have lost loved ones.

I’m a priest and have taken the funerals of lots of people, including many that I know including my Nan and a friend who was my age.
I have strategies to cope/ manage during the service but often get very tearful when I get home or later that evening. If I have a very difficult tribute to read (and I’ve read out devastatingly sad ones), I practice the night before which normally makes me cry, so I process it then and on the day I find it less hard.
People always comment on how calm and measured I am when I take funerals but I don’t always feel it on the inside.

I'm not a crier in general so that probably helped the most as the alternative for me wasn't to be sitting crying at the funeral. I do get very nervous before things though and could barely breathe while I was waiting to do the eulogy at a very close family member's funeral in front of 200 people. But I had practiced it for days, writing and practicing it gave my something to focus on during that time (Ireland so the funeral was 2 days after the death). And I knew nobody else wanted to do it or would be able to do it without crumbling, so I wanted to do it for the person we had lost and for the family as a whole. And it's an easy crowd as they'll surely be forgiving if you mess up or do cry!

I did the eulogy at night my parents funerals, within 18 months of each other too

i am used to public speaking but that only helped with any nerves. It was so hard to get through

the advice I was given was not to look anyone in the eye

i had to remove myself from the moment if you see what I mean

I wrote the speech for my dad's funeral, my Aunt, my dad's SIL, read it. This worked well because my DM was a mess, DB and myself are not natural/enthusiastic public speakers at the best of times, and my uncles (dad's DB) were really struggling too.

The person writing and delivering the speech don't need to be the same person. Whatever works.

I spoke at the funerals of both my parents and my brother(who died very suddenly an unexpectedly). It is emotional but I really wanted to do it for each of them.

As a pp said I really wanted people to know something about these people who meant so much to me. For my mum especially I wanted people to know/remember her as a younger woman and not just the little old lady she'd become. My brother had struggled with alcohol abuse and it was important to me that this wasn't the only thing that people knew about him.

I'm really glad that I did speak at each funeral and I felt it was the last thing I could do for each of them.

You have to put what you’re doing ahead of your feelings

A concept which we as a country used to be brilliant at but are getting rapidly awful at

I read a poem at my brothers funeral. I was calm and knew it’s what he would have wanted so that gave me strength.
Being on Sertraline helped too lol.

Strangely I've never felt able to make a speech at a funeral but I have despite being a blubbering mess beforehand managed to take over speeches at 2 funerals for people who couldn't carry on. I dont know if its because it wasn't my words or just some sort of adrenaline rush to just get the job done.

I've done it three times. It helped that I knew everyone watching was there because they loved my family memeber who had passed away.
And this is someone who refused to ever speak in class or in front of people for many years. You can't mess it up or fail even if you burst into tears. I still won't speak in meetings at work, that is scary.

@CelebrateAndDream No, I'm not a celebrant by profession but it's something I've thought about training for, perhaps as part of semi-retirement in 10/15 years time. I'm a solicitor at the moment but not sure how someone qualifies as a celebrant.

I admire anyone that can stand up and talk at a funeral.

I'm sure I could do it for my husband, brother or (God forbid) any of my children though.