Too old?

[Glamorgans]

I'm 38 and DH is 50. We're both very active, fit and healthy. I'm biased of course but I don't think we feel our ages!

We've been offered IVF, via the NHS, after several years TTC. IVF has a very good chance of success, our specialist has told us.

We've been trying for so many years I feel I've lost perspective; but are we just too old now?

Only you can judge that.

Borrow a toddler overnight. Times how exhausted you feel by 1,000, and then decide!

You're not too old. If you want a child, stop wasting time and start the IVF. The only opinion that matters is yours.

No you are not. Had my first at 37 and my second at 42 and I'm not even the fittest (though really need to work on my health now so I can increase the odds of being around for my kids a bit longer). I know lots of women who had their first close to 40.

Just before I started trying for my second I met a nurse and asked her about TTC for my age (don't remember what the context was) and she said that I should absolutely do it. Apparently her friend just had her first at 45.

I'm not going to tell you about the increased risks bexause I'm sure you know that already. Just keep in mind that in absolute terms the risk of complications isn't high so an increase still.doesnt result in a massive risk.

Your risk of miscarriage does increase massively though. If you think you can cope with that then don't let your age put you off.

Also, no I don't think your dh at 50 is too old either.

I had many years of infertility and following successful IVF for my first child at 36 I then had IVF again at 41 and was lucky to have my second child. It was physically difficult and emotionally tiring during treatment but no worse the second time. Having a small baby at 41 was tiring but worth every second. I'm now 50 with a 14 yr old and 9 yr old and wouldn't change it for the world. Good luck whatever you decide.

Thank you so much for your reply.

Not too old at all, I had DS1 at 40 and DS2 at 43. If you want a baby go for it.

I'd go for it! You're not too old, your dh is arguably. But if you want a family then don't let his age hold you back- yours is more important. I had ivf for my dc at 28. It was fairly straightforward and it worked first time. They're my only one though as I when I went at back at 34 my chances had reduced and I couldn't put myself through that again. I'd just give a word of caution, go in with an open mind and don't pin your hopes on it happening first time, regardless of what your doctor says. Best of luck x

DH and I were the exact same ages when we had DS. Yes, I assume it's more tiring than if we'd both been 10 years younger, but I have no regrets. It took us several years to conceive and I'm glad every day for him.

You are not too old.

He is.

You aren’t at all. Your DH arguably is.

But if it’s what you both want then crack on quickly.

Of course you're not too old! Good luck and post again when you are pregnant.

I was 39 and DH 48.
Baby years no problem, a little more noticeable as they get older.
It was never really a problem but DH was retired at 58 and by the time they went to uni I was retired as well.

You aren't, but honestly I think your DH is. But then again I had DC at 18 and many people thought I was far too young so I wouldn't let strangers decide for you. 🙂

You aren’t too old and that’s what matters most, go for the ivf u might regret not having a family x

Pregnancy CAN change your relationship with your partner.....not always for the good either.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

You aren't too old and that's the main thing. Crack on ASAP.

Definitely not too old. I think people who have their children young find it hard to imagine doing it when you are older but for folk who know no difference then its fine. I had mine at 36, 38 and 39 and that was fine. The only bad thing is knowing you are less likely to be around for them later in life but that could happen if you were younger as well. It also often means you have more money and more patience than when you were young so pro's and con's of each. Good luck.

Friend of mine had his first when he was 47 and his partner (the baby's mother) was 42. The "baby" has just started school. My friend has always said that he's always felt physically ok, because he's not exhausted by having spent his 30s and 40s rearing children.

Don't think you're too old - late 30s quite normal nowadays. Your child would have an old father by most people's definitions but that isn't a reason not to do it. But it's wise to be mindful of what the implications of having an old dad are.

Mmm yes, to me it seems older due to have them way longer. 50 definitely seems old objectively. Anyway no, don't base your life decisions on what randoms think.

Giving up on having children in case people think you're too old is ridiculous (I'm sure you wouldn't actually do that). It's not really that old. If your DH lives til 80 that's still a good 30 years with dc.

Oop those typos-

feels older to me because I had mine way younger*

No - I had my third 5 months shy of my 39th Birthday - she's 14 in 2 months and I still don't feel 'too old' at 52!

i was 40 and DH 47 when we had DS. no regrets: hopefully your DH is young at heart

Not too old at all. I had mine, through IVF too, at 38 and 41.

I was fitter at 41 than 38. I'm 59 now with a 17 and 21 year old. Eldest just got back from travelling and they're both playing the guitar and singing old and new songs. It's lovely.

Your DH will be 70 when your child is 20. 70 is young these days. The only thing I'd say is that you don't bounce back the same as a younger parent, even though we were fit and still went walking alot.
Worth it, though.

DH is definitely young at heart...I'm biased but he looks no where near 50, we love hiking, kayaking etc and both have so much energy. But then, I know never to take anything for granted!

I really appreciate the replies and the positivity, having a family would be absolutely incredible - if it doesn't work out IVF wise, then we will apply to foster children; there's a huge hole in my heart ❤