Too old?

[Glamorgans]

I'm 38 and DH is 50. We're both very active, fit and healthy. I'm biased of course but I don't think we feel our ages!

We've been offered IVF, via the NHS, after several years TTC. IVF has a very good chance of success, our specialist has told us.

We've been trying for so many years I feel I've lost perspective; but are we just too old now?

Definitely have the ivf….you want this baby 🥰

I was 36 when DD was born. DH was 43.
It's all been fine. But, DD does worry about us not being the youngest of parents. DH had a milestone birthday recently and DD has been upset. She's very worried about us dying to be frank.
Having a baby at 50 does realistically mean you might not be around into your child's adulthood and you are going to be a much older parent than your children's peers.
Doesn't mean you shouldn't go ahead but obviously you will have to consider that. DD has siblings so I am reassured that there is a family network for her.
A friend of mines father was in his 50's when they were born. Their Father had always seemed old and died when they were teenagers.

People will say that you could end up caring for the child(ren) and your DH because he is older. To be honest, though, illness can happen at any age. Just go for it, OP. The sooner the better. Try and ensure financial security though in case anything happens to your DH down the line

Potential health issues would be my main concern, as they are statistically more likely with older fathers too.
Having a teenager to deal with in ones Sixties could also be exhausting for your partner.

I’m 39 with a 4 yo. I’m considered one of the ‘young one at DC’s preschool (ages 3-6). Granted I do look younger - not a stealth boast just do. But not by that much. lots of the Mums are in their 40’s though, definitely, with partners in their late 40’s/early 50’s and there’s a couple of fathers in their late 50’s. Which before anyone starts I do know for a fact as I know people they went to school with.

Nope - not too old! DD was conceived when I was 37, born when I was 38 & DH 51

DH is. SAH parent- he charges around after a crazy active ( yes I know they are all v active but she takes it to another level...;) 4.5 yo ; keeps him fit!

We're knackered but so are most grown ups so ...

Not where we are @Beamur

Hi Op, I hope you don't mind but ivf isn't to go into lightly so here are some things you should know and your dr should have told you:

1 in 4 rounds is successful so if it fails - after that you'll need to go private
Egg quality declines drastically after 35 so although it may work bumper crops of eggs ect is unlikely (although not impossible)

It can really take a toll on your mental and physical health, so go into it with your eyes open and have a think about next steps if it doesn't work.

At 38 you're going to have to get your skates on - obviously!

If your DH is willing, active, able - physically and mentally fit at 50 then who are we randoms on the internet to say no...
I'm several years younger than your DH and the idea of a newborn at my age (in practical terms, not physiologically speaking) is appalling, but, that's just me.

You’re not too old. He’s pushing it a bit but I wouldn’t let it put you off. Motherhood is gorgeous.

Having a baby at 50 does realistically mean you might not be around into your child's adulthood

That's not correct. Statistically the dad will live to around 79 which will make his child 28/29. So well into adulthood.

@woohoo54 you can have poor egg quality at any age. And you don’t need a bumper crop of eggs. Whilst yes it’s good to go into with eyes open and It’s a bit of a horror show and very unlikely to work first time. It’s isn’t all doom and gloom and for many couples it does work.

Not well into adulthood to be fair, barely a decade in.

I couldn't imagine having lost a parent in my late 20's / early 30's, who would want that!?

In context, MIL died recently, my DH is in his 60's - assuming a good relationship with your parents, what would you choose?
And yes, I know there are no guarantees.

Well, your partner may not live to see his child get married but is defo young to get through the most difficult years.

@MaryQueenofScots19 That's what I said - it works 1 in 4 times. And the younger you are the better quality your eggs are. It's not me describing a horror show it's facts that any qualified doctor should tell someone starting ivf, and I'm speaking from experience.

You only regret what you didn't do..go for it! Good luck x

People seem unaware of how long people are living now. No OP neither you or your DH is too old

I couldn't imagine having lost a parent in my late 20's / early 30's, who would want that

Well obviously no-one! But it's a parent's job to raise their children to be independent adults - anything else is a bonus.

I lost a parent as a teen and another at 29 (neither were old). I'd finished university by the second loss, was married and a homeowner. So whilst it was sad, it wasn't a tragedy.

DH has both his mum and dad but they ceased actual parenting of him decades ago.

Regretting what you do is also a possibility!

You are similar ages to DH and me when we had ours. Quite honestly I do think it’s a bit better to have them earlier (I think I’d have had more energy at 30 than 40!) but that’s not the question - if you want a family then crack on asap. I’m so glad I did. Good luck

You’re not too old at 38. 50 is pushing it… my dad was 51 when I was born and I was acutely aware of having an old dad growing up. That said, he’s still with us in his 90s!

On balance, I’d crack on and give it a go. Good luck 🍀

38 is young!
I was 47 having my twins. I'm now 50, with 2.5 year olds. I work more than full time in a senior, stressful role. Yes, I'm always tired, but I think I would be, even if I had had them a decade earlier.

A friend had her son at 44 and now is trying for her second, and her husband is 51.

Your bottom old at all, I hope it works out for you

That was supposed to say "not to old at all!"

I must admit it seems very old to me, but like a previous poster, we had our children young and I am currently 37. I will be 44 when the youngest becomes an adult. I could not imagine having a baby in my late 30s, just like a lot of posters here couldn't imagine having a baby at 21 as I did.