To have took money out of it the joint account
Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 16:56
DH has had a right go at me this evening because I took some money out of the joint account (not much). I have paid for all the kids uniforms etc not a penny has come from him. I also pay nursery fees myself and he has the cheek to say I don’t pay any bills. Everything the kids need I get for them. I wouldn’t mind but he earns 60k a year. I save him so much money on childcare. Feel like upping my hours if I’m honest, then he will feel the pinch.
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Mumspair1 · 09/09/2022 17:30
Instead of asking wtf is wrong with him, ask yourself that question about you. Why are you allowing this? If your bills are higher than his and you are the lower salary earner why do you accept and allow this? And he's out every other weekend doing what he wants. Take a good long look at what you have accepted here.
meatyryvita · 09/09/2022 17:33
So take that anger and challenge it! You need to give him a reality check and tell him how things are going to be from now on. It's just terrible how he speaks to you and how he disregards his family and home responsibilities - he's taking you for granted OP.
itsgettingweird · 09/09/2022 17:37
How much does he pay in bills?
Because it seems like he earns 3 times what you do? Which would make his bills all or over his wages which clearly it isn't because he's going out all the time.
I agree with having a joint account.
All bills from that account.
Another account for child stuff and agree a monthly amount.
Then each take equal spends into personal
Then another account with reserve funds in in case needed for extras such as birthday presents, unexpected bill, extra child costs.
theremustonlybeone · 09/09/2022 17:38
It is financial abuse and I am surprised you have simply sat back and allowed yourself to be treated this way. You pay for kids and cant even afford a haircut or a night out. He is acting like a flat mate not a father or husband. Speak to a solicitor and get advise about your situation if you decided to divorce. Think your DH might make a quick review of the situation and make it more balanced
EasilyAmused · 09/09/2022 17:42
Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:18
Also my mum and dad just paid for a holiday abroad for us, he didn’t pay a penny and didn’t even say thanks to them after. Wtf is wrong with him.
He's a fucking arse! People with this attitude rarely change. However, why doesn't he see the nursery bill? Sounds like you need to sit down together and list ALL outgoings and go from there.
SuperCamp · 09/09/2022 17:46
OK, first tell him you are not happy with your current financial set up. Not the amounts, and not his attitude.
Write down all your joint household / family outgoings. Add up all the Christmas, birthday, uniform, clothes costs, divide by 12. Don’t leave anything out. Cars, window cleaner, school trips etc etc.
Show him what you cover. Work out what % of your income you spend on all this
Work out what percentage of his income he spends on family / household.
Tell him that childcare , nursery fees plus any days you do, plus drop offs etc enable HIM to work.
If he will not agree to a better balance of payments, as described by a PP where income and costs come out of the joint account, then I would tell him that you will be getting a f/t job. That you will pay fo and arrange childcare for exactly half of each week, or 5 working days a fortnight. Tell him that he needs to arrange and pay for all the childcare on the other days. Drop offs, sick days, everything. And do it.
Jaaxe · 09/09/2022 17:47
Sit down and work out all your household expenses….mortgage, bills, childcare, food, petrol , things you spend on the kids regularly and how much you each get paid per month and you both put certain amount in the joint account. He needs to put in more if you do majority of the childcare so he can work and if he gets paid more…..if he has a problem with that tell him you’ll up your hours at work but that it means you’ll both have to pay more childcare, or he’ll have to decrease his hours to have them so you can work more to put more in the joint account. Hopefully he’ll soon realise what an arsehole he’s being. If he doesn’t and continues with the “you live for free” talk LTB! X
icklekid · 09/09/2022 18:05
Bills including nursery and children clothing etc should ALL come out of joint account. Put both salaries into one account and then transfer out an equal amount so that you both have spending money for personal things. If he doesn’t think this is fair explain this is what being in a partnership is about!!
Reallyreallyborednow · 09/09/2022 18:08
t has been like this since I went back to work with my first child 4 years ago. I could increase my hours yes. I would spend less time with the kids and be paying more in nursery fees, lose lose
what about a pension? You do realise that is being shafted as well? You’ll get to 60 and have a few years part time contributions while he has 40 years full salary.
sahm isn’t as simple as “my salary doesn’t cover nursery”.
5YearsLeft · 09/09/2022 18:12
Are the children his? Because he’s acting like they’re some random thing you have that he has nothing to do with. In fact, based on what you’re saying, I would have assumed they were stepchildren that he isn’t very close to.
If they’re his children… you’re being financially abused. Everyone knows that nursery fees are a bill; the clue is IN the name. They’re literally called fees.
These systems where you each pay for things separately don’t work when you’re a lower earner and you pay so much more of your salary. You should each be paying an equal portion of our salaries on bills, and have the rest left over. So put ALL the bills on a list, and that includes the nursery fees, and everything the children needs in a month, like food, nappies, wipes, etc. So let’s say he makes £60K and you make £15K (is that right? If you only have £1200 a month, you’re making less than £15K). That means he pays 80% of the bills and you pay 20%. 80% of your bills will be the same portion of his salary, if he earns £60K, as 20% of the bills will be of your salary, if you earn £15K.
Anyone who has this problem with uneven salaries and bills - make a list of bills. Add your salaries together. Now, take your original salary and divide it by the salaries added together. That’s the percentage of the bills you should be paying. Next, take your DH’s salary and divide it by the salaries added together. That’s the percentage of the bills he should be paying.
ShedHead7 · 09/09/2022 18:18
Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 18:02
So mortgage is £500
gas and electric 300
council tax £150
internet etc £80
water (unsure how much that is)
What about mobile bills? Insurances? Car insurances (or payments if you have them? Fuel/travel expenses, food? Who pays all those?
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.