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AIBU?

To have took money out of it the joint account

78 replies

Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 16:56

DH has had a right go at me this evening because I took some money out of the joint account (not much). I have paid for all the kids uniforms etc not a penny has come from him. I also pay nursery fees myself and he has the cheek to say I don’t pay any bills. Everything the kids need I get for them. I wouldn’t mind but he earns 60k a year. I save him so much money on childcare. Feel like upping my hours if I’m honest, then he will feel the pinch.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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KangFang · 09/09/2022 17:01

Go back to work full time.
He's obviously a tight bastard.
Family finances should be shared willingly.

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:02

Everything I spend goes on the kids, he doesn’t even realise! I’m furious!

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:07

He was away last weekend at a gig, this weekend he is out all day again drinking. Instead of going our, he can replace the money I spent on our kids if he needs it that much. He says I pay for the kids and nursery and he pays bills! It’s not fair, mine works out more!

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FFSandmoreFFS · 09/09/2022 17:09

He needs a reality check.

you need to sit down together and do a really thorough budget including ALL outgoings and income. He needs to pay his fair share!

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Ridley10 · 09/09/2022 17:09

I’d be really cross. My husband earns a similar amount and we have a joint account. He occasionally asks if I’ve spent X but because he wants to make sure it is a genuine payment. But he’s fine with things. Ask your husband why he doesn’t think he should be buying things for his children.

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rwalker · 09/09/2022 17:10

Just put into joint account and buy kids stuff out of joint account

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Connie2468 · 09/09/2022 17:11

Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:07

He was away last weekend at a gig, this weekend he is out all day again drinking. Instead of going our, he can replace the money I spent on our kids if he needs it that much. He says I pay for the kids and nursery and he pays bills! It’s not fair, mine works out more!

You need to work out what your total bills and costs are for all the family outgoings.
Put all your joint incomes in the joint out.
Pay all the family spending out of that.
Split whatever is left over 50-50 between the two of you as personal spending money.
So if he earns £3k and month and you earn £2k, and your total household needs are £4k - you each get £500 a month.

Make sure you have equal personal time as well!

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TheBeesKnee · 09/09/2022 17:11

Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:02

Everything I spend goes on the kids, he doesn’t even realise! I’m furious!

Why are you paying for everything for the kids? How did you fall into this habit?

Ideally you should be paying proportional amounts to your income.

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:16

I earn £1200 a month- 500 goes on nursery fees and the rest on clothes, nappies days out etc and if they need toys etc I buy it all. He says I love for free, he doesn’t see nursery as a bill!!

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:18

Also my mum and dad just paid for a holiday abroad for us, he didn’t pay a penny and didn’t even say thanks to them after. Wtf is wrong with him.

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:18

Even if the bills cost him £2000 pm which they sure as hell don’t! He has £1500 to himself!

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RunningFromInsanity · 09/09/2022 17:19

Ok, so what are you going to do about it?

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:20

That’s what I have come here for, what do I do? I’m just so angry that he’s so bothered about £50

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Mymoneydontjigglejiggle · 09/09/2022 17:20

If he doesn't see nursery as a bill, start paying it out of the joint account! Honestly it's madness - I'm on the tail end of mat leave so earning zero. DH is perfectly happy for me to spend what I need and want on the joint account and has even given me his credit card to use as back up if I need it. These things shouldn't be an issue when you're married with kids!

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Soubriquet · 09/09/2022 17:21

You need to seriously reassess your finances.

You shouldn’t be paying for everything. They are both your children not just yours.

He needs to be paying too

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:21

He said that money was for a bill.

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:21

But he says I love for free and it really winds me up.

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Soubriquet · 09/09/2022 17:23

Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:21

But he says I love for free and it really winds me up.

The fuck this even mean?

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:25

Live

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NashvilleQueen · 09/09/2022 17:26

He is financially abusing you

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Munchyseeds2 · 09/09/2022 17:26

I really don't understand this way of thinking! ...everything in/out of a joint account, I earn much less but we are a team, never had an issue, both have full access and I can buy what I like
I must be just lucky I think

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GuerlainHo · 09/09/2022 17:27

How long have you been together?

how long has it been like this?

It’s very out of order what he has said and done but it sounds like you’ve allowed it to go on for far too long really.
Sounds like your a single mother with a housemate.

From now on, split everything half and half and increase your hours.

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:27

I can’t afford to go on constant night our, can’t even afford to get my hair done. He gets me so so mad.

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Soubriquet · 09/09/2022 17:28

Tbh he is financially abusing you. Expecting you to pay for everything whilst he swans off on nights out

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Sistersister90 · 09/09/2022 17:28

Sorry about the typos I am typing too fast and phone is correcting me.

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