To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

Anyone can be on the deeds. It’s the mortgage there’s rules around income. Either way (when the property was purchased) get yourself on the deeds

It is a major issue. Should her DH pass away early there could be problems.

Same as for me. the mortgage offer was for my husband based off his income only.
No it was based on his income AND the £100k your dad gave to him. If it could have been based on his income them there would have been no need for the deposit to be used at all.
Please keep listening to people here. I can hear that you sound like you feel attacked but that really isn't the case. People are horrified on your behalf that such a situation has happened and are concerned that you aren't really grasping how much you really can only rely on yourself at this point to try to right things. Phrases like the one I've bolded sound like you've really taken on board his propaganda. Hopefully we are all getting the wrong end of the stick and it's all above board and just a bit unusual but from an outsider's perspective it really looks like your husband has completely scammed you here.

This thread is depressing. I can't believe that in this day and age there is still so much ignorance around basic life admin. I hesitate to say it should be taught in schools because schools are already overwhelmed, but surely there must be a way of encouraging people, particularly women, to access information about money, matrimony, inheritance, employment etc. You see such sad situations on MN all the time.

You can be on the deeds, I’m on the deeds for our house. Always have been with every house we’ve bought.
We helped our daughter with the deposit for the house her and her partner bought, she was a SAHM at the time. We made sure she was named on the deeds.
Your husband is wrong about when the house was purchased, it’s when the cash lands into the sellers account not when the offer was made.
A buyer we knew thought the same as your dh. We’d signed contracts but not exchanged, he came to the house a few days later to tell me he was moving in at the weekend.
I had to explain it wasn’t his house until contacts had been exchanged and the cash was in our bank account on completion of purchase.

I just wonder how your DH got 100k from your dad round the money laundering regulations - and the mortgage companies rules on gifts having to be declared. As your dad put in 100k he could for a beneficial interest on the property.

The divorced lady who bought our house was being part funded by her business man dad. She told us that his money had to be declared as a gift to her and this was done through a solicitor.

The information is there and readily accessible. Problem is "but I could never understand it" attitude

@howdidIgetthere your status has no effect on whether or not you can go on the deeds. Just do it. It’s not up to your husband. And get a deed of trust that says how much your family contributed so that if say you had to sell in 6 months you can get the contribution back. Just say ‘for my peace of mind I want to be on the deeds as joint owners’.

Confused too.

Could the arrangement be more about OP’s father than husband. Does her DF think that he has removed £100k from his own savings, outside of the family ( would explain the wedding timing being important).
I'm thinking something like removing money in case of nursing home fees or inheritance tax?
Perhaps DF thinks that this is more likely to be ‘recovered’ from a family member?

This is crazy. My parents gave me £100k for our house, and we had it arranged in a way that I would get that £100k back should we ever divorce, before the asset is then split. While you're probably OK since you're married, you've essentially given away half of it as he would get £50k of it.

I am wondering how you have very old defaults when you are only in your twenties.

Either there are cultural issues that have stopped OP from being able to behave as a normal adult woman in the UK, or there is a Much Bigger picture here that OP is not mentioning.

OP, if you have children then you need to step up and start acting like a mother tiger, even if you are inhibited about acting for yourself for whatever reason.

If you do not have children but are simply acting as full-time nanny for his DC, then DO NOT have a child with him until you are mentally/culturally able to act and advocate on behalf of that child. That means doing your research and sitting down with your husband and discussing every last detail about your joint finances and your joint roles and responsibilities.

But your first port of call MUST be a solicitor who will allow you to make informed decisions going forwards.

I'm not out to make money from my DH btw I feel very strongly about building my own career and independance I just don't want to end up in a situation where I have nothing and nowhere to live if we were to get divorced

What a complete cluster fuck.

You need to get out on the deeds asap. You could be completely screwed if you don't sort this.

If he was to divorce you now, it's an incredibly short Marriage and you may not even get 50% share.

You have been very naive and need to sort this as quickly as possible

Thank you @NumberTheory that's very reassuring

@howdidIgetthere I hope you don't feel as if posters are attacking you, having read the whole thread the clear message is that posters are worried about you.

This is why people are worried:
Your DH has lied to you.
Your DF has lied to you (but that could well be because he's believed your DH).
You believe every word either of them tell you; your answers on here are peppered with, "my DH told me" "my DF told me".
You are currently doing all the wifework, and there's no prospect of that changing.
Despite the fact that your living arrangements are very complex (children from previous relationships (from both sides?) (living with you permanently?), DF living with you), you haven't given a moment's thought to what would happen if you, your DH or your DF died.

But it’s your inheritance money? Who has implied you’re trying to make money from your Dh. I highly doubt he’s a high earner otherwise he wouldn’t need the 100k. Honestly OP I’m really not sure what’s going on with your thinking but you really need to start acknowledging what people on here are advising and stop listening to the men in your family as they’re not looking out for you even if you trust them.

I think @Limer has summed everything up perfectly, and put it much better than I did.

Truly wishing you best op and hope you can sort it retrospectively

the house was expensive, over 600k

I just don't want to end up in a situation where I have nothing and nowhere to live if we were to get divorced

As it stands, this is exactly what is going to happen. You have contributed nothing financially to the house, so you won't get anything back from it, nor do you have the right to live in it after divorce. What made you think your father knew what he was doing??

@Octomore the tenancy on our rental house was up so we were all crammed into a temporary accomodation, in a rush to close the house purchase as they were putting a lot of pressure from us that the sellers needed it completed, and hardly any houses that size for sale for a price we could afford in this area

I guess we could have rented for a few more years but we were worried about my DF being on his own so wanted him with us. He wanted to sell his house too so it made sense for us to go in on buying a house at that time. Yes in hindsight maybe waiting longer would have been sensible

None of you understand the situation at the time. it was extremely stressful and fraught. I had many arguments with my DH and reiterated and stood my ground to my DF on many occasions that I and he HAD to be protected. I was met with blocks at every turn. I don't know why my DF couldn't have gifted to me I presume there was a reason.

Why and what kind of blocks did you meet when you tried to protect yourself and your DF? Did that not ring any alarm bells with you?

As you now know you could have been gifted the sum and it could have been ring-fenced in the event of divorce. There was no reason other than it suited your DH to have the money to himself.

If, as you say, your DH has a good job, you and he have some equity, some of which comes from your DF, his credit rating is ok, the house is of standard construction - then mortgage companies would be falling over themselves to lend. He would have had many choices. The idea that 600k is expensive for a house is more naivety - it would buy diddly squat in the south.

Lenders dont like people being on the deeds if they are not on the mortgage

The issue in this case is that theres no reason for her not to be on the mortgage and my money is on the broker being in cahoots with the husband

Your DF also should be worried, I bet he has no rights to live there if something happens.