To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

Pretty sure OP can't just add herself as an equal partner re deeds without her DH's agreement to change the current deed set-up.

PinotPony has clearly explained that you have very little protection as things stand. He can't chuck you and the kids out but you don't have a 50% share in the house, even if you're married.

Your father is naive if he thought he was protecting you fully.

Will DH agree to your being named as an equal partner on the deeds?

There is something really off about the things you are posting.

If he earns so much & has so much income he can throw away a few hundred every week without noticing, then why did your father need to give him money for a deposit just a year ago?

You've signed a legal document without even keeping a copy & don't seem to have a clue what it was about.
It could have been a document setting out that you don't have an equal legal or beneficial interest.

You need to get some proper legal advice to figure out what exactly you have done, because 'being on the deeds' can be as a legal owner or a beneficial owner & they don't always mean the same thing.
Just being on the deeds isn't enough.

You need to stop relying on a man to tell you everything is okay & find out for yourself what you are doing with your finances.

You don't need to talk to the bank. You don't need DH to make an appointment for you. You tint need advice about your Will or what happens in the event of a divorce.

You need a solicitor to review your paperwork including the deeds (title), the marital rights firm and any document relating to your DF's gift. And then explain to you what steps you can take now to best protect your position.

But in the meantime he 100% supports you and your children, with no financial control imposed on you at all and you live a “very good standard of life”?

If he is trying to scam you out of £100K he is not going to make much after you deduct what he has spent on you and your children is he?

I still can’t understand why on Earth your dad didn’t directly pay the 100k toward the house or gift it to you and then you pay. There is no reason at all for it to go to your DH. It sounds as if your dad paid him the money to marry you!

You need to see a solicitor on your own for objective advice. Don't assume your father is up to speed on the legal issues. Or that your husband is.

Then you and your husband need to see a solicitor together for a joint estate plan, particularly if you have multiple children from other partners and are planning to have additional children. (How many children already are involved?)

I'm dumbfounded that your father handed $100,000 over, tbh. And when you say you are on student finance, are you borrowing to finance your degree? Is your husband helping to pay that off or ??

As stated by another pp, the Marital Rights Notice DOES NOT give you any ownership of the property.

The MRN merely offers limited protection against eviction by a mortgage company (ensures you can only be evicted by court order).

www.brabners.com/blogs/matrimonial-home-rights-notice-should-you-apply

You have been deceived and need to see your own solicitor as soon as possible to ensure that you get your father's gift fully documented.

Also, the relevant date of purchase may be Exchange of Contracts rather than Completion. Your DH may technically have acquired the house prior to your marriage even though the gift didn't happen until afterwards. This can be checked on the deeds.

PLEASE TALK TO A SOLICITOR PRIVATELY BEFORE YOU TALK TO YOUR DH OR THE BANK.

If he is trying to scam you out of £100K he is not going to make much after you deduct what he has spent on you and your children is he?

That isn’t how it works. 😂😂😂😂

More like two years at the time.

exactly, I have asked op a similar question upthread, it sounds like her “very sensible” dad has either played some politics or owes him something or something dodgy/illegal is going on. Certainly in my community, very clever fathers do silly things on purpose for a particular reason. OP you need to be asking him some serious questions.

Of course you don't need to go to the bank ? Why would you - it's HIS BANK AND GIS MORTGAGE !! (He has made sure of that !)

YOU need to get yourself to a lawyer. An INDEPENDENT LAWYER (like you have been advised multiple times since you started this thread but for some reason refuse to acknowledge)

You need to speak to someone without your husband sitting next to you providing conflicting adviice' with with his 'superior' knowledge.

You need to sit down with someone who has nothing but YOUR interests front and centre. You need to do this not with a bank but with a lawyer. ON YOUR OWN !

You really do need to stop being a drippy 'little woman' who refers all the 'money stuff' to her DH . This is not 1850. It's 2022 and YOU need to ensure YOUR inheritance ( and as you have DC - their inheritance) is safeguarded.

Questions to ask the Solicitor.

Why am I not on the deeds. (Solicitor will need to ask the bank this question to get an honest answer. NOT YOUR HUSBAND. !

Tell him (solicitor that you want to be put in the deeds)

Ask him to check with the land registry that your interest is registered. This will prevent a sale without you both agreeing.

Ask him how can your 100k be ring fenced. ? For you in the event of a divorce.

I honestly believe that your DH has tried to pull a fast one. He may not be up to speed with the matrimonial causes act and not realise that property is 'purchased' only on exchange of contracts and money. So by the sounds of it after you were married. ..

However if you just keep bleeding on about 'asking' DH to sort this out for you instead of being an actual grown adult female who can protect her own interests - then quite frankly you will almost certainly deep what you sew.

He could have gifted it to you. You keep putting yourself down and saying the mortgage company wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole, but you were bringing 100k to the table! On the mortgage application you would put your salary as £0, credit rating poor but hey! 100 grand contribution to the deposit. That needs to be recorded. As many have said you could be on both mortgage and deeds. You may be a student and your DH a high earner, even more reason to protect yourself and not get shafted. Get on the deeds ASAP.

Good god @Doingprettywellthanks. We all hear you. She's a student and is looking after the house and children but obviously that counts for nothing.

We all get it. She should expect her husband to lie to her and to get a hundred thousand pounds from her dad because of it. We know.

They have been married less than a year so he's definitely deserving of a hundred thousand pounds.

Why is a high earner struggling to get a mortgage?
Sounds fishy.

And seriously, don't TTC with a bloke you're worried is scamming you out of inheritance. FFS.

My point is not that he is “deserving” of £100k

my point is that the OP is barking up the wrong tree given fact he is happy to 100% financially support her and her children; absolutely no financial controlling-ness over her; the op says she has a “very good standard of life”

Oh… and the OP seems completely and utterly financially ignorant, as does her “very sensible” DF

so my point is - give the above I’d be more inclined to think it’s the op misinterpreting the situation

“May” be barking up the wrong tree

OP I'd hold back on trying to get pregnant until you have everything sorted.
The fact your husband has children already and hasn't changed his will.

you're being far too trusting and nieve.

I can't work out if this is faux naiveté, or an unbelievable level of unworldliness for someone old enough to have children and intelligent enough to study at degree level.

'It suits my husband for me not to work.' You as well though, or you'd get yourself a job.

'I didn't ask any questions.' Ludicrous. Surely critical thinking is something to apply every day in your studies.

This all stems from him telling someone he bought the house a bit earlier than he actually did. I'm guessing you never thought to correct him or have a conversation about it afterwards to find out why he said it. What if he just mistakenly said it? The other day I told someone we bought our house 6 years ago, but it was actually 7 - this is not always a symptom of a £100k scam.

“Although we are planning to TTC next year”

Seriously? You can’t even communicate on this properly with him, and you’re going to have a child with him?

TBH it’s not sounding like your father is acting in your best interests. This sounds like two men doing the financial transactions and excluding you. If your father really intended this to be your inheritance I don’t believe he would have done this. Him saying it was the safest way of handling this money is odd, it’s not true and it’s either very naïve of him or he’s deliberately deceiving you because he believes these things are men’s business, not for the women to get involved in.

Like a PP said, this sounds more like giving a dowry to the husband.

absolutely no financial controlling-ness over her

You obviously studiously ignored the part where the OP said there were arguments because her DH was keeping her and her DF in the dark regarding the mortgage arrangements.

Keeping your spouse in the dark about money is a form of financial control in itself.

This ^

I was on the mortgage and deeds despite being a non earning SAHM.

No mortgage now but definitely still on the deeds.

The most bonkers part of this story is why the legal details of a house is being such an issue within a new marriage. Surely a true marriage is for life and the 100K goes towards a home that both of you intend to grow old in. If you are already nitpicking about the dates he mentions to other people and the constant talk of "what happens if we get divorced" then it doesn't bode well at all. The obsession with the house increasing in value due to renovations is also downright bizarre as who keeps thinking about how much their marital home is worth in the event of a split?

Also, even though you are a student now, there's nothing speaking against the fact that you will eventually start working and possibly become a very high earner yourself. So who cares about what details are in the deeds now, unless divorce is imminent? It sounds like you felt the inheritance gift and getting married was a clever plan that set you up financially (possibly for life) and now starting to worry about whether this is really the case. Like many posters here, gifting 100K towards a property without having your name in the deeds is absolutely nuts from any standpoint, but that's obviously been hashed over many times.

So your DF was obviously to old to be considered part of the mortgage and therefore couldn't go on the deeds.
What should have happened was a tenants in common agreement.
This is what we did.
Brought a house with parents. DH & I on the deeds and the mortgage is against our share of the property. The ten tents in common splits the ownership between the 4 of us.

I also feel that it doesn't stack up that a high earner with a £100k deposit would be struggling to get a mortgage. It doesn't make sense.

Given the lack of knowledge the OP has, I doubt she has a clue what he actually earns (she probably only knows what he's told her). It could all be a house of cards built on debt.

These things can and do happen, which is why a wise person should not enter into a legally binding marriage contract with someone who isn't fully open with them regarding finances, wills, asset ownership etc. More than anything else, marriage is a financial commitment. Far too many people get carried away with the hearts and flowers and fail to open their eyes to the reality of it.