Page 2 | Please help me extricate myself from this situation (CF)

JesusHRooseveltChristSassenach · 08/09/2022 17:28

I wouldn't lie.

I'd say that being as your daughter has been left to walk home alone you presume that the arrangement is off?

I couldn't be polite and make up a white lie. I'm actually pissed off of your daughters behalf.

And as for them taking the piss about childcare after school.... Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

Absolute CF. And as already said CF only get away with it if you let them. On that front I like the PP suggestions of concern over her losing her key. Wording it like that puts them on the spot!

IncompleteSenten · 08/09/2022 17:31

You tell them this isn't what you agreed. You're pissed off and the arrangement is over as of tomorrow.

They are random people taking advantage. Fuck them off. Don't give a shit what they say. People like that will have a trail of victims a mile long.

Testina · 08/09/2022 17:32

All this passive nonsense about missing keys 🤨

”Hi X - we said it would help to share lifts, but so far none from you - do you want to share or not? Whatever happens with lifts, I’m not going to look after Y after school. I didn’t drop her home today as it was raining and she had no key - but she’ll need to have a key next time I drop her home.”

Brefugee · 08/09/2022 17:33

Will they collect her? that is the time to say that this isn't what you agreed and that you are not prepared for it to continue like this.
If you take her home, that is the time to say it. Let them worry how to handle tomorrow, don't do it for them.

WaveyHair · 08/09/2022 17:35

So sorry, I have other commitments which means I am unable to continue with the lift share arrangement - starting from Monday 12th. All the best

Short, sweet and leave no room for negotiations. It is true and they clearly cannot be trusted to keep to a simple lift share agreement.

Leftbutcameback · 08/09/2022 17:35

I don't understand why OP needs help in getting out of an arrangement which the other side aren't honouring and in fact are completely taking the piss about. Does this really need a thread? There is no "extraction" from a complicated situation! Ok, fine, if you want to have a moan about it. But there's no big dilemma here.

Leftbutcameback · 08/09/2022 17:37

Porcupineintherough · 08/09/2022 17:16

Just text and tell them the arrangement is not working for you so they need to sort out alternative transportation and after school care from now on. Come on now, you're a grown woman and mother- no need to let them trample all over you.

This 100%,. Honestly 🙄

Original poster

LondonUnited · 08/09/2022 17:38

Thanks all. I know I need to be a bit braver about this but it is very awkward in real life particularly when there is a child involved (who is lovely so no issues there!)

OP posts:

Sparklybanana · 08/09/2022 17:39

Why is everyone blaming the mum when it's her husband not pulling weight?
I echo others - don't lie. Just say your dd isn't being given lifts back and it doesn't work if it's not reciprocal. I'd also say it's not possible for after school care again unless it's reciprocal so you can catch up from having guests.

Johnnysgirl · 08/09/2022 17:40

Leftbutcameback · 08/09/2022 17:35

I don't understand why OP needs help in getting out of an arrangement which the other side aren't honouring and in fact are completely taking the piss about. Does this really need a thread? There is no "extraction" from a complicated situation! Ok, fine, if you want to have a moan about it. But there's no big dilemma here.

Well, quite
I'd have been straight on the phone when my daughter was left to walk instead of being given a lift home, asking what was going on.
Op is not only continuing the lifts but also childminding for the afternoon, and wondering what on earth she can do to stop it! 🤦‍♀️

diddl · 08/09/2022 17:41

How old is the girl-surely old enough to be left if at high school?
If they don't want to leave her that's their problem to solve.

Tell them to bloody well pick her up!

Johnnysgirl · 08/09/2022 17:42

LondonUnited · 08/09/2022 17:38

Thanks all. I know I need to be a bit braver about this but it is very awkward in real life particularly when there is a child involved (who is lovely so no issues there!)

But your child is also involved... And she's being left to walk while the other child gets ferried home! Why is your concern not directed at her?
You are a complete pushover.

Saz12 · 08/09/2022 17:43

Either “the lift share arrangement isn’t working as I expected it to, so from tomorrow I won’t be giving lifts to your DD. I can’t have her round after school either as I’ve just way too much on”.

“The lift share agreement doesn’t seem to be working for you, as you’ve not been able to reciprocate. I get it’s messing up your usual after school plans when I give lifts - I really can’t have your DD come round until you’re in from work. Let’s drop the idea of lift sharing as it’s not working for anyone!”.

SunnyD44 · 08/09/2022 17:43

Does the dad live with the mum?
Are you sure he’s taking her back to her mums house or is he going in the opposite direction?

If he is, then I would message friend and say that you think that he isn’t aware of your arrangement as he’s not picking DD up at the same time.

Summergirl5 · 08/09/2022 17:44

I don’t mean to be horrible
but I don’t understand how people can’t get themselves out of this type of situation.
id of been on the phone giving them a bollocking the first time my child was left to walk .And that would of been the end of it

KosherDill · 08/09/2022 17:49

Sceptre86 · 08/09/2022 17:23

Other posters have worded responses that are acceptable. I'd not respond to any further messages and block them after that. This child is not your responsibility. I'd also have words with your friend who introduced you and tell her what Cfs they have been and to spare you the hassle next time.

For 3 years my dad gave a lift to a girl who lived on the same road as us to high school. She'd come to our house, sit in dad's car and never utter a word to any of us, despite behaving friends and being very talkative at school. If we said hello she would completely blank us. The arrangement only ended when my dad had dropped us off and the girls mum complained to mine that she had only been 10 minutes late and we had left without her. My dad then got a new job which meant he couldn't drop or pick us up and we walked home. Her dad then picked and dropped her but never offered us a lift.

Yanbu, I have 3 kids of my own and having another child around daily would be an imposition.

That's just bizarre!

How uncivilized can people get??

KosherDill · 08/09/2022 17:50

WaveyHair · 08/09/2022 17:35

So sorry, I have other commitments which means I am unable to continue with the lift share arrangement - starting from Monday 12th. All the best

Short, sweet and leave no room for negotiations. It is true and they clearly cannot be trusted to keep to a simple lift share agreement.

Agree, just do this. Your schedule is none of their business.

AlisonDonut · 08/09/2022 17:51

LondonUnited · 08/09/2022 17:15

Thanks - can’t send her home as she doesn’t even have a key and there is no one there! It’s raining as well so wouldn’t send her outside to wait. Really awkward!

You are not their staff!

Text them and tell them to come and get her.

Beautiful3 · 08/09/2022 17:52

Acheyknees · Today 17:11

"'Hi CF, unfortunately school pick ups aren't working out as planned. I won't be able to lifts next week'"

This is perfect. If you don't nip it in the bud, it will carry on.

AlisonDonut · 08/09/2022 17:53

Beautiful3 · 08/09/2022 17:52

Acheyknees · Today 17:11

"'Hi CF, unfortunately school pick ups aren't working out as planned. I won't be able to lifts next week'"

This is perfect. If you don't nip it in the bud, it will carry on.

Did the dad write a note to explained why he didn't bother to give the OPs daughter a lift?

I'm guessing not.

Jellybean23 · 08/09/2022 17:54

'Hi CF, sorry to tell you but the school run arrangement isn't working for me as I'd hoped so I have made other plans, starting Monday morning. Hope you can sort something out for your daughter with another parent. Cheers.

Beautiful3 · 08/09/2022 17:54

If her friend walks to your car after school, I'd say, "sorry I'm not going home".

PlentyOFool · 08/09/2022 17:57

Porcupineintherough · 08/09/2022 17:16

Just text and tell them the arrangement is not working for you so they need to sort out alternative transportation and after school care from now on. Come on now, you're a grown woman and mother- no need to let them trample all over you.

Honestly, this OP. They sure saw you coming

Shinyandnew1 · 08/09/2022 17:58

LondonUnited · 08/09/2022 17:07

My daughter has just started high school. Due to where we live, only a few people from the area go. It’s about a 1.5 - 2 mile walk.

A friend introduced me to her friend, who lives locally and whose daughter is also starting at the same high school. We met up before school returned and agreed to lift share some days. So far so good.

However, this has turned into me taking and collecting the girls on some days, and my daughter walking on her own on the other days, because the dad has taken the other daughter without offering my DD a lift! Their daughter is now here because they don’t want her at their house alone after school. This really doesn’t work for me as I have four children of my own, two jobs and my own things to do. I feel really taken advantage of and fear it will only get worse.

How to get out of this? Help!

How does the daughter get home from your house?

PlentyOFool · 08/09/2022 18:00

It always boggles my mind how CFs are so effing F, they end up screwing themselves. If her DH had just given your DD a lift as arranged, you'd no doubt have ended up being the free after school club for the foreseeable until you'd managed to find your way out of it