Adult dd told be to fuck myself, a.i.b.u to block her today?

[Summerloving22]

An hour ago my 23 yr old dd called me as she was having a bad day, could i do a small favour, and i said sure as ever. She described her chaos and i expressed sympathy and needed to advise her of doing one thing with her bank before her wages were swallowed up (and she would then ask be to rescue her with money).She believes she is A.D.H.D but in four years never deblt with. We get on fine 50% of the time but she takes everything out on me.

My sentences got interrupted with her second guessing ,wrongly and accusing me of not helping. I assured her I was not saying anything at all and tried to keep convo simple and listen, but she continued to take things out on me through hissing, resentful suddenly. I know that she is wanting to push back from which is fine if she wants but after one bit too far on her side i did assert that i was hardly talking and could she not talk to me in that way. It's not the first time and on the whole she is over prickly, rude, and i am ashamed to say a bit shallow, will not return messages to her family unless she has no one else around in her life.

So a.i.b.u to think at 23, telling your mother to go fuck herself deserves a block?

Block your own DD when she's called in distress?
How does that help? You are the adult in this situation. You are teaching her to manage difficult situations by giving up and blocking at the first fence and also that its no good her asking for your help.

Why not address the swearing later, once you've both solved the immediate problem? You'd be teaching her that she can trust you. It's reasonable to text back that she misunderstood you. She's probably sorry about how she spoke to you. Move on from that to get her to focus on the solution to her issue and then when you've both got the job done and things are calm, talk to her. She's probably hurting too.

She needed to talk and pour out her worries and she needed to feel secure in doing that. It sounds like you took the opportunity to say something which to her ears sounded like the start of a lecture or criticism. And that was partly because you felt she might end up asking you for financial help. If your reaction is to block her because she swore at you - then it does sound like you also escalated the argument.

You've mentioned she constantly interrupts and is not good at managing money. These are 2 classic features of someone with ADHD

As is any bad habit or unpleasant personality trait according to MN. I'm surprised we haven't ALL got it if the bar's so low.

I wouldn't block someone if I meant it to be temporary. I'd make it clear they had insulted me and I'd need some space.

You both seem a bit dramatic.

oh good grief she is panicking! Give her a break.

Why the hell do you think its acceptable to block your children? That is such a childish response.

Blocking your child over this is fucking ridiculous. If this seems reasonable to you, perhaps both you and your daughter need help in learning how to manage your relationship.

You shouldn't allow this type of behaviour, and there should definitely be consequences, but blocking your child is not the answer.

Unbelievable how many people here think that OP should volunteer forever to be her punchbag, presumably literally as well as metaphorically.

OP is allowed to say no.

Why not go the whole hog and write an angry Facebook post about her 😡

Grow up

No dont block x

Another one who probably tells her mother to fuck off.

So childish and yet you resent getting blocked.

This just shows why there are so many spoilt brats out there when huge amounts of parents think it's acceptable for parents to be emotional punch bags.

And no ADHD doesnt give you a right to verbally abuse your mother.

Don’t get into any argument with someone with ADHD by text or email. If they start getting hissy, just say

” I am sorry you feel like that. I don’t want to argue with you”

Don’t engage any more, until she has calmed down; but don’t block her.

People with ADHD are impulsive and are not going “to learn manners”, through consequences like being blocked, as pp have advised. It’s like thinking, you can make a person in a wheelchair, walk!

People with ADHD act, without thinking about consequences! Having a rant is a well known feature of it; and girls in particular are emotionally hyper-reactive. Emotionally, they go from 0 - 10 in 10 seconds! They can learn strategies to deal with the ADHD, but ime it takes a lifetime; and I certainly wouldn’t expect a 23 year old to be anywhere near!

Read up about ADHD, rather than take advice from people, with no understanding of ADHD, on say:

www.additudemag.com

As is any bad habit or unpleasant personality trait according to MN. I'm surprised we haven't ALL got it if the bar's so low.

You haven’t lived with it, if you can’t tell the difference between neuro-typical and neuro-diverse!

She sounds selfish and immature. I couldn't put up with that from a 23 year old and ignore it.

Nope. Your psychology degree has let you down. Try again. I just have empathy.

She probably learned the silly behaviour somewhere (like from a mother who thinks it's reasonable to block her child from contacting her in a situation like this)

It's not the first time and on the whole she is over prickly, rude,

This isn't just a response to one call. The OP sounds at the end of her rope. OP I wouldn't block her, but I would send her a message saying 'You told me to fuck off. I shall do so. Don't contact me again until you are ready to apologise.'

"needed to advise her" did you actually or did you just offer unsolicited advice?

My mother is like this. You tell her one thing and she takes it as some kind of invitation to start telling you what to do and making comments.

Maybe you weren't helping and her telling you that could have been a hint. She shouldn't have told you to fuck off but it hardly sounds like you're easy to talk to based on your OP, not to mention you think it would be reasonable to block your DD.

You're making yourself sound like a victim, because you didn't do anything, you just offered advice, she was so horrible - I'd love to hear the other side of the story here.

It’s like thinking, you can make a person in a wheelchair, walk!
No it isn’t because the daughter is perfectly capable of behaving decently when it suits her. People who can’t walk, cannot walk regardless of the text you send them.

OP is a human too with human feelings and human failings. and just as we expect people with ADHD to accept the negative legal consequences when their impulsivity goes to shit, the principle applies in relationships too. You don’t even think she’s owed an apology, or that she should be allowed to explain (without interruption) how awful it feels to be treated like that.

Even if someone is “acting impulsively” we all know that OP’s daughter would never actually be prepared to be on the receiving end of that behaviour. Never mind repeatedly.

I'm sorry , i did not actually mean block -should have put ,block out, resist any demands - i could not ever do this anyways ,just in case.

@Nugg , you must be exhausted , and i am sorry to hear that you have it at 30.
@10HailMarys , did you have Irish family? My Irish parents would not have entertained me .@badgerybadgerboo , she did not have meltdowns as a child, and does not with people around. I can take a bit of whipping boy treatment but is it okay to demand, shout at me, over talk everything i attempt to say and tell me to fuck myself? This is an intelligent young woman who mostly manages a job, albeit not her bills and health. I offerered help on this and she knows that i would.
.

If this is an example of your empathy, then I dread your other side.

No respect
Cannot imagine saying that to my mother.
Can't imagine her saying that to her mum either.

Why are ppl so foul and horrible it's sad.

I didn't have meltdowns as a child either. I also don't have meltdowns in public, I find a quiet space (or go home).

Women are very good at masking until it gets too much.

On the other hand, it sounds like you don't like her anyway. She probably knows this already hence the "go fuck yourself" comment.

🙄

Well, it does sound like you were talking when you claimed you were listening.

It’s quite clear what “block” means, so I don’t believe your backtracking, “oh I didn’t mean block-block” when people told you to grow up.

There’s a mid point between blocking and putting up with the swearing - that’s what you need to aim for.

I think it sounds like you were telling her what to do when she just wanted you to listen to her woes. My mother does that. It comes across as being critical rather than caring.