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AIBU?

Question over friend hating children

93 replies

Lemondrizzle77 · 08/09/2022 11:44

I have a friend who doesn't have any children. In fact I have many friends who are not mothers. All of which are pleasant enough about and towards my own. However this one friend says she 'hates' all babies and small children. Fine. But she gives my children dirty looks whenever she sees them says all babies are vile and disgusting and is always negative when my children or someone else's children are mentioned in the group chat or in passing. It is starting to grate. I accept children are not for her but her hostility is starting to make me question if our values are aligning or not.

Anyway at dinner last night the topic of pregnancy somehow came up and she said she has never once used contraception in her life (and I know she is very sexually active) and I thought this was quite unusual as she quote un quote 'hates kids' so in my mind surely you would ensure you are protected. So I asked her what she would do if she got pregnant and she said 'oh have an abortion'

AIBU to think this odd. I don't want to jump on the whole 'every women secretly wants kids' bandwagon because they don't but I'm inclined to think there might be more behind why she detests children so much.

Only reason I am posting is because I have been tempted to pull back from the relationship recently but now I wonder if I should try and be more supportive and just ignore her unkind comments.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

176 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
20%
You are NOT being unreasonable
80%
mamabear715 · 08/09/2022 11:46

Not my type of friend.

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/09/2022 11:47

I wouldn't want to spend any time with her or continue the friendship.

FuzzyAndBlue · 08/09/2022 11:49

Is she a right old show off in other areas?

10HailMarys · 08/09/2022 11:49

It sounds to me as if she is being deliberately obnoxious to provoke a reaction. I don't really like kids either, but some people are really performative and weird about it. She sounds really irritating. Oh, and I don't believe for one second that she's never used contraception, by the way (unless what she actually meant was hormonal contraception). I think she's just trying to be outrageous and edgy. She's an attention-seeker.

Hillrunning · 08/09/2022 11:49

I'm constantly amazed by these stories, I'm friendly, kind, interested in others and don't smell bad and yet I have very very few people who want to hang out with me but somehow these vile people seem to have people like you who are willing to be their friends and only question it when it gets really really bad. Why is this?

She can dislike babies, she shouldn't be rude though and she is just plain stupid to not use contraception.

FreyaStorm · 08/09/2022 11:50

I would let her go purely for being ok with using abortion as contraception.

Thehop · 08/09/2022 11:50

She’s awful

Lemondrizzle77 · 08/09/2022 11:51

@FuzzyAndBlue yes I'd say so

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 08/09/2022 11:52

She sounds like an edgelord. They get old fast.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/09/2022 11:54

She sounds awful and I agree with @10HailMarys in that she's probably lying about not using contraception, i bet she just wanted to tell everyone that she'd have an abortion. I'd be pulling back if I were you

KimberleyClark · 08/09/2022 12:04

Why are you friends with this person? She sounds vile.

vroom321 · 08/09/2022 12:08

Or maybe she desperately wants kids but can't get pregnant so is trying to throw you off?

My sister doesn't want kids yet her and her husband have never used contraption it's strange.

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/09/2022 12:09

vroom321 · 08/09/2022 12:08

Or maybe she desperately wants kids but can't get pregnant so is trying to throw you off?

My sister doesn't want kids yet her and her husband have never used contraption it's strange.

I think I'd still end the friendship because of her behaviour.

KimberleyClark · 08/09/2022 12:10

vroom321 · 08/09/2022 12:08

Or maybe she desperately wants kids but can't get pregnant so is trying to throw you off?

My sister doesn't want kids yet her and her husband have never used contraption it's strange.

Maybe they can’t decide whether or not to have kids and are leaving it to nature to decide?

therealgeek · 08/09/2022 12:14

What are her redeeming features? She sounds toxic, irrespective of who her hatred is directed at. I would trust your instincts with this one.

Sciurus83 · 08/09/2022 12:16

Wouldn't be a friend of mine. Ooh not heard the term edgelord in years! Yes! That's just what these types are

ItsJustLittleOlMe · 08/09/2022 12:18

She's just rude and sounds awful. Toxic. As an aside, I'd be concerned that she's riddled with STI's if she's very sexually active and never used condoms ever.

inappropriateraspberry · 08/09/2022 12:19

She wouldn't be my friend if she talked like that. Disgusting attitude and very rude.

whumpthereitis · 08/09/2022 12:23

She’s probably performative as a defense against ‘you’ll change your mind!’, or ‘I bet you secretly do!’. Any positive interaction with children leading to ‘you’d be such a good mother, you do want children really’.

Women that don’t want children often do get a lot of pressure placed on them, are disbelieved, and considered poor authorities on themselves and patronized. It can be incredibly frustrating, so some feel a need to prove their stance. Of course then it’s often taken as ‘I bet she does but secretly can’t!’, which just increases the frustration and hostility.

I don’t think she’s wrong about the abortion thing. No idea why she doesn’t use contraception, but that’s her business.

WhoWasMark · 08/09/2022 12:25

I have a relative just like this. She’s awful about kids, really hates them. She has three and is okish about her own kids but won’t have birthday parties, play dates or anything like that because of how much she hates kids. She’s been like it since she was a kid herself, no idea why she chose to have kids because it’s rude to ask but I think your friend is doing the right thing not having them if she doesn’t like them.

CrunchyCarrot · 08/09/2022 12:31

I had a friend who hated children - she eventually told me it was because her sister tried to smother her in bed a few times when they were kids. As a result she looks on all children as capable of evil. I don't think it's entirely rational and I do think she needed help for those feelings - and I suggested she should get it, but I sort of understood her perspective after that, even though I didn't agree with it.

nachoavocado · 08/09/2022 12:32

But she gives my children dirty looks whenever she sees them says all babies are vile and disgusting and is always negative when my children or someone else's children are mentioned in the group chat or in passing. I would ditch her for this. Children are people too.

OriginalUsername2 · 08/09/2022 12:33

I would find the way she reacts to actual children quite uncomfortable.

Tabbouleh · 08/09/2022 12:37

Edgelord yes. I had a friend like this. I dropped her.

Mumspair1 · 08/09/2022 12:38

More fool you for being friends with someone who gives your DC dirty looks.

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