Question over friend hating children

[Lemondrizzle77]

I have a friend who doesn't have any children. In fact I have many friends who are not mothers. All of which are pleasant enough about and towards my own. However this one friend says she 'hates' all babies and small children. Fine. But she gives my children dirty looks whenever she sees them says all babies are vile and disgusting and is always negative when my children or someone else's children are mentioned in the group chat or in passing. It is starting to grate. I accept children are not for her but her hostility is starting to make me question if our values are aligning or not.

Anyway at dinner last night the topic of pregnancy somehow came up and she said she has never once used contraception in her life (and I know she is very sexually active) and I thought this was quite unusual as she quote un quote 'hates kids' so in my mind surely you would ensure you are protected. So I asked her what she would do if she got pregnant and she said 'oh have an abortion'

AIBU to think this odd. I don't want to jump on the whole 'every women secretly wants kids' bandwagon because they don't but I'm inclined to think there might be more behind why she detests children so much.

Only reason I am posting is because I have been tempted to pull back from the relationship recently but now I wonder if I should try and be more supportive and just ignore her unkind comments.

I don't understand why you would be friends with someone who gives filthy looks to your children. She'd not be allowed to cross the threshold to my home. As for disliking children each to their own but I wouldn't want to be friends with her.

I think not liking children is ok. I think saying horrible things about someone within earshot and giving someone dirty looks is never ok, and really dehumanizing children. I think the reason is irrelevant to be honest.

She gives your children dirty looks? Yeah, that wouldn’t be happening. Nasty cow.

Hilariously, for someone who says she hates kids, she sounds very, very childish. I couldn't be her friend. And I'd probably put a swift end to dirty looks or comments about my child from a hateful hag.

'Ooooh you're so edgy' is what I'd say to her 😂 it's so annoying how these immature types always have to insist on 'hating kids' being a personality trait.

She sounds like one of Roald Dahls Witches!

I'd actually ask her, while alone, if she can't have children.

She's an adult who has apparently never used contraception and yet has sex quite a lot. She'd have gotten pregnant at least once by now surely, and unless she is hiding having abortions which it doesn't sound it as she'd have said 'i have abortions', not 'id have an abortion', then it's likely she can't have children for some reason and hasn't taken that well.

Maybe she actually just does hate children, but it's very odd to have had regular sex for a number of years with no contraception with no pregnancies. And if you hated them, you'd stop yourself from being able to have them.

@Lemondrizzle77 has anyone ever challenged the way she talks about children or the screw face at your kids? I wonder if she actually realises how obnoxious she comes across. Maybe she thinks she's being funny with her Cruella act.

It's none of anyone else's business what contraception she does or doesn't use but her behaviour is.

Sounds like she's infertile and this is just some weird coping mechanism.
That aside how have you managed to remain friends with someone who gives your children dirty looks? I genuinely would have nutted the bitch.

I'd actually ask her, while alone, if she can't have children.

Why would you ask anyone that?

I also hate children, my friends know this, have known this for as long as they've know me. Nothing against them personally but the noise/sticky hands/constant need to watch them doesn't appeal at all and actively avoid children when out at the cinema etc.

However, I am still glad to see my friends children. If they're really little I'm happy to take them out for a walk in the pram or for the bigger ones go to the park and run around together, go somewhere kid friendly to eat.
Id never give my friends children, or any children (unless they were touching me) dirty looks I think that's awful.
And I've been asking the Dr to sterilise me for the past 5+ years, otherwise use protection always.

I think your friend should be an ex friend

If she's giving dirty looks to your children, in your presence, and theirs, then I would probably step away from the friendship. Does she give your husband dirty looks? Or your siblings/parents/neighbours? I bet she doesn't, I bet she only reserves this ridiculous behaviour for innocent children who haven't slighted her in any way.

It abounds as though she's convinced herself - hard - that she's "anti kids" and is almost acting a persona in the presence of children. That is not only rude, it's immature.

Sounds like she’s just being goady with the abortion comment. But I couldn’t be friends with someone who gives my kids dirty looks. If they haven’t noticed already, they will one day, and will feel hurt and confused.

If you tell others the fact you don't use contraception and would abort, in the context of hating children, you can expect people to have thoughts. It's weird to even share that, how is anyone supposed to reply to such a statement?

I wonder if she meant she doesn’t use contraception, as in hormonal contraception or an IUD. Technically it is the man that uses condoms.

I find it weird when people say they hate children. Like if people say they hate elderly people. I think it is really horrible. Besides, children are all different. Don’t they remember that from their own childhood?

When i was a tad younger, i said i hated the thought of children, i didn't want to hold them as babies and all the goey goey stuff, but i was never horrible about or around my friends kids.
I was just indifferent to them to be honest, which sounds awful, but i just wasnt very maternal back then.

If she were being rude to my child in anyway, i would pull her up on it there and then.
If nothing changed, i would loose contact, for a bit at least.

She probably just wanted to tell people about the abortion, in a weird showy “look at me” way. She sounds weird and horrible. Distance yourself, she brings too much toxicity to your life.