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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"I could not be funded by a man" - Really?

978 replies

aokii · 08/09/2022 08:59

I have noticed that this line, " I could not be funded by a man" is often trotted out on here. Frequently, it is directed at SAHMs.

I take issue with this for two reasons -

  1. Unless you are in the type of marriage where you have totally separate funds, you are inevitably being "funded by a man" to a greater or lesser extent anyway - particularly if you are the lower earner or you work part-time.

  2. Unlike in families where there are two working parents, a family with a SAHM is not going to be paying childcare costs. So although the SAHM is obviously not doing paid work, her role is still a direct and significant saving.

No doubt people will come on now and talk about "financial vulnerability," re- SAHMs and this is a fair point. However, it is far from a given that SAHMs are any more financially vulnerable than the next woman. Nobody should ever just assume this.

I'm aware that there will be many women who earn more than their husbands and have separate finances. There will be couples who both work flexibly around each other and will argue a SAHP would not be a saving for them as they don't need to use childcare anyway, etc etc. But I less interested in personal anecdotes. I'm talking more generally about the vast majority of families with parents who both work and have shared finances. Could they honestly say they could maintain the same lifestyle without their DH's income coming into the household? If "no," then they are at least part-funded by a man surely?

AIBU to say that before tossing out the line, "I could not be funded by a man," people on here should look at themselves.

OP posts:
TokidokiBarbie · 17/09/2022 22:15

Waferbiscuit · 17/09/2022 20:25

@aokii I actually think the bottom line is that marriage or aligning with a man remains the most certain and probably the most popular way for women to ensure their financial future. A few high flying women will be able to generate wealth on their own, but for most it will be through joint partnership.

As long as this is true - that probably the easiest route to financial security is via a man - then women will always 'live off men' as you suggest in the title of your post.

Agreed.

madasawethen · 18/09/2022 20:34

I think using well off or millionaire husbands is a little out there as it's rare.
Most SAHM are with very average income men.

My mum was SAH and my father a lorry driver.

My sister SAH married to an idiot who sometimes does restaurant work or technician work for average wage.

My other sister never married, owns her own home and about to retire from a government job.

Maybe it is the circles people run in but I don't know any SAH. All the women I know, work in high paying jobs. That's likely because I'm in tech and all my friends are too.

madasawethen · 18/09/2022 20:43

TokidokiBarbie · 17/09/2022 13:07

Most office jobs are mundane and boring IMHO. What a way to gauge the value of your existence.

Spending the majority of minutes in every hour, majority of hours in every day, majority of days in every week, majority of weeks in every year, majority of years in your life....sitting in a chair. 😂

And all the "reaching out to Derek in accounts" and checking we have "the bandwidth" to compile another word document.

It's hideous IMHO.

Are you talking about admin type jobs?

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