My family are split down the middle with this issue and I wanted to get some outside perspective.
DSIS is mid 40s and has mental health issues which leads her to jump head first into relationships very quickly. Often not displaying good judgement along the way.
Since 28 she has always had partners who had existing children. She has none of her own.
In the last 14 years she has gone through 16 boyfriends, all with children, she is moved in within weeks of starting to date and assumes the role of step mother very quickly too.
We are a 'treat all children the same' family, we are also a close family so once she assumes this role these children then become part of our wider family, we celebrate their birthdays, family holidays, Christmases together. Our kids become 'cousins' and when they inevitably break up we are left having bonded with children we will never see again.
Within the last 3 months she has split from her ex and we waved goodbye to 2 wonderful boys and she is moving in next week with a new man and his 3 year old DD who he has 50/50.
I have put my foot down and told my sister I am refusing to meet this child until they are far more established as I and my kids can't keep going through this cycle, getting to know these children and then one day we get a test they've split up and we will never see or speak to them again. She has hit the roof, accused me of being stuck up, not supporting her new relationship and being nasty to a 3 year old she hasn't even met yet (but will be moving in with in a weeks time!)
I've tried to gently and not so gently point out the speed she moves is not good for these children, at all, and although I understand it takes 2 to tango she needs to bear some responsibility for saying no to moving in with men who have children in such short time frames. If they ask her to move in she can say no etc.
Half my family have joined me in refusing to meet this child for a long time, my parents are still a bit upset about the last 2 who they really started to love as GC, they took them away on little holidays etc. and are genuinely upset about losing them.
The other half think we will end up pushing DSIS away and she won't change her behaviour so what's the point.
So AIBU to refuse to meet this child? Was thinking about assessing in 6 months time.