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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the nanny to clear up?

98 replies

nervousnelly8 · 06/09/2022 21:06

We have our nanny 3 full days per week. She's brilliant with the kids and we are all really happy. I have one bugbear - she never clears up. Breakfast and lunch dishes left out, toys everywhere, dirty paint stuff or crafting bits around, even used nappies rolled up and left on the side.

It's the kind of stuff that you do as you go along. Eldest DC is at pre-school in the morning and youngest still naps, so there's almost always 60-90 mins late morning to tidy up. DH or I arrive home 30-60mins before her official "finish" time (we've had to build it that way as we have unpredictable commutes), and she leaves once we are back.

I would like to ask her to stay and tidy away the mess from the day. DH doesn't want to rock the boat and is happy with us (me) spending an hour after kids bedtime clearing up the house. I would always rather that she spent her time doing fun activities with the kids (which she does perfectly) but I'm getting really resentful of paying for extra time and also losing my evening to tidying. AIBU?

OP posts:
factfile · 06/09/2022 21:09

You say you're all really happy with her but that's not true. You're not happy at all! You're paying her to help not hinder you so yes I would absolutely ask her to tidy up, within reasonable limits.

Lcb123 · 06/09/2022 21:09

When you advertised / told her what the responsibilities were, did that include tidying, washing up etc? If so, then it’s fine to remind her. When I worked as a nanny, the mum emailed a list of what was expected including loading dishwasher etc, so I knew from the start.

DeborahVance · 06/09/2022 21:14

You're not asking her to be your cleaner, you just need her to clear up after herself and the kids, putting nappies in the bin and tidying away after activities is part of her job ffs

Invisimamma · 06/09/2022 21:14

Yanbu. She should be tidying children's things like nappies, toys, crafts and clearing dishes from meals whilst she's been there. Even doing children's laundry would be a reasonable ask.

I wouldn't expect the house to be spotless or you and dh's laundry and dishes to be done but it doesn't sound like that's what you're asking for.

Original poster
nervousnelly8 · 06/09/2022 21:15

@factfile I am happy with how she is with the kids, which is by far the more important element for me. It's really a bugbear which is feeling particularly raw after a very messy day today!

@Lcb123 We specifically said we didn't need help with washing the kids clothes etc. But didn't specify other tidying or chores. We unload the dishwasher in the morning and the house is clean/tidy when she arrives - I'd just like to have it back in the same state. I sort of thought that clearing up after your activities was a given, but maybe I'm wrong hence asking for advice!

OP posts:
Original poster
nervousnelly8 · 06/09/2022 21:16

@DeborahVance that's what I thought! But DH feels awkward about it

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 06/09/2022 21:17

Nothing is a given. She needs to know exactly what you expect.

mondaytosunday · 06/09/2022 21:20

I would expect a nanny to clean up after the kids. I do think this is a given, but it should also be part of the list of duties explained when you hire someone. Do not expect someone to understand by omission, you do need to spell it out sometimes (though any decent human would know to throw away a nappy).
You need to sit her down and tell her.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 06/09/2022 21:23

As you leave just shout out have a great day and please can you clear up the dc's stuff before we get back? Add it is so lovely to come home to happy dc and a tidy home!!
Or she is getting to enjoy your dc whilst you become the hired help cleaning up other people's mess!

ErmagerdtheQuern · 06/09/2022 21:23

She is not doing her job. Make your expectations clear. If she still fails to do her job, then let her go, you will find someone as nice that will tidy up her/kids mess.

DDivaStar · 06/09/2022 21:24

I would mention it.

Maybe not so much the washing up as that's probably easy sorted with yours later. But tidying toys away and clearing craft/ paint activities. You could use the angle you want the kids to get used to needing to clear up after themselves. I certainly would say any nappies must be in the bin that's just basic hygiene.

SherbetDips · 06/09/2022 21:25

I’m a nanny and I leave the house how I found it when I arrived. I keep the babies room/play areas clean and tidy and clean the kitchen after I’ve used it. It’s not unreasonable to ask this from your nannY.

FictionalCharacter · 06/09/2022 21:25

She really shouldn’t be finishing early and leaving a mess. Effectively you’re paying her for hours she isn’t working and then spending your time clearing up after her. Why does she leave as soon as you get back when it’s not her official finish time? I think your DH is being a bit of a mug.

SherbetDips · 06/09/2022 21:26

What is in her contract? It states in my contract it’s my duty to keep child areas clean tidy and organised etc to clean kitchen after use and kids laundry.

Sally99 · 06/09/2022 21:29

Don't make a big deal of it, just talk to her as her employer.

A nanny's job is everything to do with the children and that includes clearing up and teaching them to do so too. If she's leaving a mess , she's not doing her job and setting a bad example to the children

DDivaStar · 06/09/2022 21:31

I also wouldn't be letting her leave early everyday. If you're early you go to your room to freshen up, make yourself a cuppa whilst she keeps an eye on your kids.

I don't know how long she's been doing this, it should have been addressed straight away.

Penguinfeather781 · 06/09/2022 21:33

She’s taking the proverbial - putting a used nappy in an appropriate bin is something I’d expect of a friend doing me a babysitting favour, much less a childcare professional. How revolting to just leaving it lying around. And surely it’s just obvious that you clean up paint after you finished painting, you put away the toys after you play with them… I mean my kids understand this concept so I’d expect the nanny to. I’d absolutely tell her you expect the house to look roughly the same as how you left it in the morning.

CPHB2021 · 06/09/2022 21:33

I am a nanny, full time.
I do ALL the dishes, washing, general up keep in the home.
I often stay on later to ensure the house is done and the children are bathed.
I do the fun things and we go out everyday but in my opinion ( 7 years as a professional nanny ) you are there to keep the household running smoothly as well and enrich the childrens lives. Nursery's and childminders can provide the fun things without that expectation but if you work within the home, it's your domain.
If any of the children are unwell or they ask me to specifically go further a field etc, then we all know that the house will take a back seat. Xx

mycatisannoying · 06/09/2022 21:34

You are SO not being unreasonable to mention this! It would drive me mad.
She needs to show you the same consideration that you show her Smile

FudgeSundae · 06/09/2022 21:34

You’re an employer. You have two choices: accept it and never mention it again, even in your head or to your DH, or tell her what needs to change. It’s not fair otherwise.

girlmom21 · 06/09/2022 21:36

I would talk to her. Especially if she's leaving early and being paid in full every day.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/09/2022 21:36

SherbetDips · 06/09/2022 21:25

I’m a nanny and I leave the house how I found it when I arrived. I keep the babies room/play areas clean and tidy and clean the kitchen after I’ve used it. It’s not unreasonable to ask this from your nannY.

I had it written into my contract.

Caterina99 · 06/09/2022 21:38

Absolutely she should be tidying up after the kids and loading the dishwasher, wiping kitchen table, cleaning up any mess on the floor etc

I wouldn’t expect her to actively clean your house, but I would expect it to look roughly the same as when she arrived.

weltenbummler · 06/09/2022 21:38

OP, are you doing all the tidying up after your nanny has left or does your DH do half of it? If you are doing all and he does not feel the impact of your nanny's omissions I can easily understand why he does not see the need to pull her up on this

Hopeandlove · 06/09/2022 21:39

Yes talk to her and perhaps approach it as - we are finding we are spending most of our evenings clearing and tidying the things you have done with the children. Please can you tidy up as you go and encourage the children to help. Soiled nappies are unhygienic and need to go straight in the bin etc and we want to raise children threat see it as the communal responsibility to clear up so please involve them as much as is appropriate for their age

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