To ask the nanny to clear up?

[nervousnelly8]

We have our nanny 3 full days per week. She's brilliant with the kids and we are all really happy. I have one bugbear - she never clears up. Breakfast and lunch dishes left out, toys everywhere, dirty paint stuff or crafting bits around, even used nappies rolled up and left on the side.

It's the kind of stuff that you do as you go along. Eldest DC is at pre-school in the morning and youngest still naps, so there's almost always 60-90 mins late morning to tidy up. DH or I arrive home 30-60mins before her official "finish" time (we've had to build it that way as we have unpredictable commutes), and she leaves once we are back.

I would like to ask her to stay and tidy away the mess from the day. DH doesn't want to rock the boat and is happy with us (me) spending an hour after kids bedtime clearing up the house. I would always rather that she spent her time doing fun activities with the kids (which she does perfectly) but I'm getting really resentful of paying for extra time and also losing my evening to tidying. AIBU?

Who needs telling to put dirty nappies in the bin?? I'd be worried about her general hygiene tbh.

Nanny’s I’ve had are expected to tidy up after the children, but children only. So breakfast things, activities etc put and tidied away. But general household chores are done by the cleaner.

My sister is a Norland nanny and they are very strict about what they consider within their remit, they won’t do any housework or cooking unless it’s for the children, but they would absolutely 100% do everything after crafts, cooking tea for the children, keeping their bedrooms tidy etc.

Just be brave, treat her like a junior team member at work and say “we’re so happy with how much the children enjoy being with you, we’d just like to clarify our expectations about tidiness, we expect you to clean up any crafts or cooking and generally have the house like we left it in the morning by the time you go home in the evening.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Maybe she previously worked for families with a housekeeper or something so she didn’t have to do it, or maybe she just genuinely is useless at cleaning up. Either way it doesn’t matter, it’s a standard part of her job and she’ll have to improve.

I was a bit wimpy with an unsatisfactory nanny. When I heard my precocious three year old tell the nanny off for ruining his tracksuit in the latest laundry diaster I knew I had to step up. Your nanny is having fun times with the children leaving you the grubby bits. The dirty nappies lying about is stomach churning and I can't think of any parent who'd find it acceptable. Your husband is either a wimp or leaving you to do all the tidying after the nanny.

Putting nappies in the bin is a pretty basic task expected of anyone in charge of a young child.

Definitely have a word with her.

Is it her first Nanny role surely looking after the children includes tidying up after them and teaching them to help put away their toys.

You need to say something or the resentment will grow. This was the straw that broke the camel's back with our nanny - the horrendous mess everywhere. She started off great but got very lazy and sloppy in the last couple of years. She'd just leave filthy bowls and pans dumped in the sink or on worktops. If ask if she could please load them into the dishwasher and she'd giggle and say she forgot. Then covid hit and we didn't need her as wfh. We did pay her in full for 6 months and then ended the arrangement. She was keen to resume once we returned to the office but we decided to juggle things so we could manage without her. The thought of returning to the mess was that off-putting .

All very reasonable asks. Our DS nanny does the majority of what you mentioned. Is she new to nannying? I think it is an expected part of the role to tidy as you go with the children. It sounds as though she has plenty of time fo tidy at the end of the day even after a hand over so I think you should have the conversation with her.

Definitely mention it. I’d be quite cross if anyone- paid or not- left used nappies out. The washing up thing is probably less of an issue but I would definitely expect someone looking after the children to at least attempt to return things to where they found them once they were done. Even if that meant just putting it on the side or back in it’s box. I would absolutely not be ok with someone just leaving everything all over.

the nanny is taking the DH is worse. If he thinks it’s fine, he should be the one tidying up after her.

Suggest a review....3 or 6 months, or however long you've had her. It gives you both a chance to chat about how things are going and you can be clear about what you want from her.

I was a nanny for years

The house should be tidy and everything they've used / played with away

You need a word and fast

Dirty nappies and leftover food not being cleared away are disgusting.

If it’s something the DC have used whilst in her care then it’s her responsibility to keep it fairly tidy and definitely hygienic.

You can’t expect the house to be in a better state than you left it in, but you shouldn’t be able to follow a trail of destruction around the house.

Speak with her asap. The longer you leave it the worse it will be!

If you clear up, clean and put away you are not amusing the children one to one, (except for nappies which has to be done as you go). Brilliant nanny, amusing, occupying children or mother’s help, keeping an eye on the children while tidying the house.
Which do you want?

I've already posted in support of OP, but seeing so many replies on here makes me want to turn this around..

I would arrive every day to my previous nanny job to find the parents breakfast AND dinner stuff from the night before stacked up in and around the sink. For the first couple of years I would begrudgingly clear it all away and then do my own duties related to the kids. I mentioned this to the parents MANY times and politely asked them to sort their own stuff.

I eventually stopped clearing up the kids stuff (because I couldn't actually get to the sink). They didn't like that much.

DH doesn't want to rock the boat and is happy with us (me) spending an hour after kids bedtime clearing up

Hang on, that reads as if he considers asking the nanny to clear up within her allotted working hours rocking the boat while expecting you to do it instead is fair game.

That, right there, is not fair.

Ask the nanny or you share the tidying up. This will focus his mind. It's not unreasonable to ask nanny how things are going, address any issues she has found and finish up with the job of clearing up firmly in her court. Firm but fair.

We had a job description that include light housework including tidying up after the children’s meals and playtimes. You have to manage expectations at the beginning and then throughout. I’d have a discussion with her. 1) you are very happy with how she plays and cares for the children, 2) you would like her to keep the environment generally tidy at the end of each day, most toys put away, kitchen tidy.

Nannies aren’t supposed to keep the place tidy, but kitchen cleared, tables wipes and the main detritus tidied is par for the course.

She’s also teaching the children a very bad example. She should be going ‘let’s tidy this up before we get the next toy out’ etc

Of course she should be clearing as she goes. How mad that she doesn’t, it was bog standard when I nannied, I couldn’t leave a mess and I would be embarrassed if the parents had to clean up after me.

Once upon a time I had a nanny and she always cleaned up whatever toys the kids had pulled out or food she had cooked etc it's an absolute given but maybe you need to spell it out

I'm feeling much more confident to say something after all these replies, thank you! She has been with us about 6 months and in the areas that really matter to us, she is wonderful. I'd hate to sour the relationship or lose her over this issue, but it seems as though I can reasonably ask her during a review type chat to leave the house roughly as she finds it. Good idea to involve the children - they both do "tidy up time" with us already so it shouldn't be hard to do with her.

Yes exactly this. House should be left by the nanny as they find it. Everything put back and tidied away.

The nappies thing is pretty disgusting and the rest is completely unacceptable.

Ask to have a chat with her tomorrow. Stress that you are really happy with her interactions with the DC and have no issues with her in that regard. Tell her you were hoping that things would improve but as they haven't, you need to be clear that you expect her to maintain tidiness. Stress maintain so she understands you are not asking her to do anything new - but she should put in her entire shift regardless of how early you get home, and she can decide if she wants to put toys away/tidy crafts/load dishwasher/remove nappies etc during her 90 minute nap break or towards the end of her working day.

This is ABSOLUTELY her responsibility.

Always have a contract in writing and discuss in detail expectations etc before you hire. It is much easier that way

BTW, always keep the relationship with your staff professional as this makes it easier on all sides.