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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To loathe back to school photos on social media?

278 replies

blueskyeve · 06/09/2022 21:01

I'm clearly in the minority after scrolling through my Facebook feed today. Every single post on there is a photo of a child posing in their school uniform. Why? Please someone explain, I must be missing something.

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 07/09/2022 10:51

@waterproofed

I like how you’re asking why it should bother you so much. It sounds like you have a visceral dislike to this kind of thing.

One of my favourite psychotherapists - Philippa Perry - has this theory that whenever we have an outsized emotional reaction to a behaviour or a situation, it’s normally because of some unresolved issue within us that is looking for a way to express itself.

Off the top of my head, do these pictures make you question your own parenting choices? Is it to do with how you’ve been parented and the emphasis/lack of emphasis on external appearances over internal feelings? Are you judging the parents for their superficiality? Is it because you were judged this way? Are you judging them because they are seeking external validation? Do you judge yourself when you seek external validation? Do you abhor feeling needy?

I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but I think it’s always more interesting to examine our own feelings instead of other people’s actions.

Agree with this wholeheartedly. I know a number of cases where a person has been very catty and snide, and sneered at things... and it's turned out they were bitter and jealous because of their own unresolved issues...

Eg, a man I know (I'll call him Steve,) sneeres at his DIL's father (Dave,) for having 20 friends over for a BBQ every other week, and being a 'sad twat' (his words,) going away to his mate's Florida villa twice a year for a break, and spending 10s of 1000s on buying a mercedes benz. He is also jealous of Dave's huge salary, big expensive house, and the fact he runs his own successful business (while he, himself earns minimum pay working in a store, and has to scrat for extra hours to make ends meet.)

Not a nice situation to be in, but according to people who know him, Steve's entire 'sad life' is entirely his own making, He has had many opportunities to improve his life, and has turned them all down. He has issues so deep-rooted, they'd need to cut him open to get to them.

It's blatantly obvious to everyone that Steve is crushingly bitter and jealous of his DIL's dad Dave. Steve has no friends, (not one!) no social life, his limited amount of extended family rarely see him, (once a year maybe for half a day,) and none of his work colleagues like him. They never ask him out to functions they arrange between themselves. (Not least because he mocked and berated them for it and said 'what kind of sad twat goes out with work colleagues?'

Similar tale with a couple of child free women I have known who are/were really nasty about mums and children, and have berated them to a shocking level, and also another woman I know who is a mum of 3 boys, and has been very vitriolic towards mums of girls and also towards the girls themselves.

Also, a woman I know spouts spiteful and demeaning remarks about/to every woman she knows who has got married, and is especially vile if they change their name to his. Trapped like a dog on a lead, owned like a big cow in a field (that is owned by a farmer,) tied down, wouldn't get me strapped to a man, being his domestic slave, fuck that. yada yada yada. She has said it all. 36 and never been in a relationship longer than 4 months (And Only been in 4 relationships!) NEVER had anyone ask her to marry him. Easy to see why she is so vitriolic. She is as jealous as fuck!!!

It's clear there are deeper issues at play. Especially as one of the childfree women has gone on to have a baby now, and the other one is currently TTC. Finally, the mum of 3 boys is pregnant again, and has recently discovered it's another boy, and is devastated beyond belief and has now admitted she so desperately wanted a girl.

As a number of posters have said, it's projecting... When people are nasty about others and their nice/joyous/fun situations it's because they don't have it. And they want it. The OP is clearly jealous of this woman on facebook, and also very bitter. It seems she has kids, so is clearly jealous no-one is bothered about them, or interested in her very much. Indeed, she has probably posted pics of her kids and got no 'likes...' so her vitriol and bile is being projected.

Not saying ALL people with no kids or just with boys is jealous of mums/mums with girls by the way (before anyone starts!) But the ones who are blatantly vile clearly are.

@blueskyeve You need to look deep inside yourself and find out why you feel this way. You seem to have some unresolved issues. You are definitely jealous of these people you deride, that much is clear.

CloudPop · 07/09/2022 10:54

Surely this is the whole point of Facebook ! Sharing photos with people you have chosen to connect with

FuzzyAndBlue · 07/09/2022 11:00

How so? It’s a safe venting space whenever we need it.

Because those people who you have on your social media are supposed to be your friends.

Taking a photo of someone's children and posting it in a different place on the internet for other people to criticise is despicable.

I don't think a person needs to have children of their own to be able to realise this.

It's like people on a dieting support group posting pictures of their overweight friends and inviting others to take the piss out of them.

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:07

FuzzyAndBlue · 07/09/2022 11:00

How so? It’s a safe venting space whenever we need it.

Because those people who you have on your social media are supposed to be your friends.

Taking a photo of someone's children and posting it in a different place on the internet for other people to criticise is despicable.

I don't think a person needs to have children of their own to be able to realise this.

It's like people on a dieting support group posting pictures of their overweight friends and inviting others to take the piss out of them.

wtf?? I’ve never done this. Neither has any one in the group I mentioned ( which is a private closed group). What the hell are you on about.

NotLactoseFree · 07/09/2022 11:10

I 100% absolutely LOVE first day of school pictures and as a matter of principle will ALWAYS like every single one I come across, even if I barely know the person involved - if you're on my facebook feed and you post a school pic, I"m there for it.

I think it's such a big deal for children (particularly first day of a new school or whatever) and those pictures are priceless long term and they're an amazing and easy way for people to share their pride and enjoyment of their children without being accused of boasting or showing off or whatever.

I also will never understand why people get so worked up about it. You don't like first day of school pics on Facebook? Scroll on past.

Whiskeypowers · 07/09/2022 11:10

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 10:42

How so? It’s a safe venting space whenever we need it.

Why do you need to vent about something you don’t want and have avoided?

if I didn’t want kids I couldn’t be fucked joining a sad little Facebook group like that. I would have better things to do then go truffling for things involving other people’s children to be a bitch about.

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:13

Whiskeypowers · 07/09/2022 11:10

Why do you need to vent about something you don’t want and have avoided?

if I didn’t want kids I couldn’t be fucked joining a sad little Facebook group like that. I would have better things to do then go truffling for things involving other people’s children to be a bitch about.

FGS can’t people fucking read? I said my group was for childless NOT by choice women. Clear now?

Goldfishjones · 07/09/2022 11:14

Do you also hate people posting pictures of their Christmas trees in December? Or on holiday in August? If so it might be time to come off social media....it's kind of what happens there!

Whiskeypowers · 07/09/2022 11:14

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:07

wtf?? I’ve never done this. Neither has any one in the group I mentioned ( which is a private closed group). What the hell are you on about.

You this morning 8.36:
“We take the piss out of these pictures there.”

In reference to first day back to school photos.
That’s what @FuzzyAndBlue is “on about”
the fact it’s a private group doesn’t make it less offensive and frankly pathetic

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:16

Whiskeypowers · 07/09/2022 11:14

You this morning 8.36:
“We take the piss out of these pictures there.”

In reference to first day back to school photos.
That’s what @FuzzyAndBlue is “on about”
the fact it’s a private group doesn’t make it less offensive and frankly pathetic

Nobody has ever taken a copy of someone else’s back to school photo and posted it in the group for others to make fun of. That’s what you accused me of.

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:17

Sorry not you @FuzzyAndBlue accused me.

Whiskeypowers · 07/09/2022 11:18

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:13

FGS can’t people fucking read? I said my group was for childless NOT by choice women. Clear now?

I don’t actually care what your group is or who it’s for. Your snarky admission on this thread is vile regardless.

do you think being unable to have kids makes it somehow less offensive and more understandable to rip the piss out of the kids in these photos and their parents in this way then?

Whiskeypowers · 07/09/2022 11:21

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:16

Nobody has ever taken a copy of someone else’s back to school photo and posted it in the group for others to make fun of. That’s what you accused me of.

You said you took the piss.

you have therefore either seen a range of these photos on your Facebook feeds or have just decided they are “sad” per se and then taken the piss.

either way pointlessly unkind and makes me wonder why as adults you feel the need to do this?

RosetteNebula · 07/09/2022 11:21

I think they're cute! And I am normally a right grumpy bitch, especially about social media.

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:23

Whiskeypowers · 07/09/2022 11:18

I don’t actually care what your group is or who it’s for. Your snarky admission on this thread is vile regardless.

do you think being unable to have kids makes it somehow less offensive and more understandable to rip the piss out of the kids in these photos and their parents in this way then?

As I said it’s a private closed group no one outside the group and it’s gentle piss taking not “ripping the piss out of kids”. I presume you have kids but if you couldn’t have them you would understand the need for a safe venting space.

Oysterbabe · 07/09/2022 11:25

I absolutely love them. All those proud little faces in their new uniforms 😊 They warm even my cold, black heart.

Winnietheboo · 07/09/2022 11:25

@KimberleyClark the fact you do that says more about you all than it does about the people posting photos on their social media.

Davethecat2000 · 07/09/2022 11:32

So taking the piss out of other peoples kids is 'venting'?

Does that somehow make you feel better?

sponsabillaries · 07/09/2022 11:33

I can completely understand needing a safe space and a bit of cynical humour to process complex emotions around back-to-school photos but I’m afraid I don’t understand telling everyone about it on a parenting forum.

Oysterbabe · 07/09/2022 11:37

Although I always think about Emily Rush when I see them. She was from near my hometown. Celebrate the milestones, fuck the haters, the future isn't guaranteed.

To loathe back to school photos on social media?
KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:40

Davethecat2000 · 07/09/2022 11:32

So taking the piss out of other peoples kids is 'venting'?

Does that somehow make you feel better?

We are (gently) taking the piss out of the parents not the kids. Just comments like brace yourselves for the annual onslaught And I wanted to let the OP know there is a lighter side to it.

Ski4130 · 07/09/2022 11:43

I like seeing the passing of time through the pictures, and I genuinely like seeing other people's, if I didn't I'd scroll by and not give it anymore thought, like I do with the Wordle scores people post.

brookstar · 07/09/2022 11:48

Wow kimberley that is not cool......

carefullycourageous · 07/09/2022 11:59

FuzzyAndBlue · 07/09/2022 10:31

So you don't have children but bitch about your friends back to school photos behind their backs?

That is really quite a strange thing to do.

This sort of behaviour is precisely why I've never posted any pictures of my kids - too often there is someone who for whatever reason takes the piss.

@KimberleyClark I don't think it is healthy to be taking the piss out of other people's children.

Whiskeypowers · 07/09/2022 12:02

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2022 11:23

As I said it’s a private closed group no one outside the group and it’s gentle piss taking not “ripping the piss out of kids”. I presume you have kids but if you couldn’t have them you would understand the need for a safe venting space.

Don’t start trying to qualify what is essentially a form of bullying or denigration. Your status vis a vis children is irrelevant.

Why do you keep wittering on about safe venting spaces? Nobody is saying you can’t vent about your circumstances just don’t throw other people’s lives under the bus as part of that catharsis. I find it somewhat hypocritical you’re expecting special dispensation for your status when those who are parents and have that status as such are the subject of your now “ gentle” piss taking

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